We all want to become more confident in ourselves. Sometimes, this can seem like a stretch.
With that in mind, I’ve learned about a technique called the Bridge Hack, which is actually used to understand how people come to trust you. I’ve tweaked it so that it can also be used to help you gain more self-confidence. Read on to find out how this works.
The reason why we can’t become self-confident is because we don’t believe in ourselves. The Bridge Hack is a technique that I’ve adapted from a book that I’ve read multiple times, The Business of Belief by Tom Asacker.
His book is all about trying to get people to trust you and choose what you have to offer. Everyone wants to be someone else. They have an ideal image of this person they want to become. It’s just difficult to get there. There’s a huge gap in between that they can’t make the leap across to.
It’s exactly the same as if you were talking about yourself. You are one person and you want to become someone else. The only difference is that instead of trying to persuade someone to choose what you have to offer, you’re only offering yourself something: the choice to be someone — in this case, someone who’s self-confident.
I’ll go through this strategy now so you have a clearer idea how to use it.
Where Are You Now?
You need to know yourself. Who are you? What’s contained in your “cloud of comforting convictions?” This is the phrase Tom gives to the beliefs you have about yourself that you use to define yourself. If you’re trying to become more self-confident, you could have the following convictions:
- “I’m shy, but I’m getting better at talking to the opposite gender.”
- “I’m not as bad as some people who stammer.”
- “I don’t need alcohol to talk to people, I just struggle to find things to talk about.”
They’re basically just ideas that you feed off to make you feel better about your problems. Identify what these are as the first step.
Where Do You Want To Go?
If your cloud of comforting convictions is the first step, the second step is to identify where you want to go. These are also things you believe, but instead of believing them about yourself, you’re believing that if you do or become these things, you can become someone better than who you currently are.
Just like your thoughts about where you are now, it’s as simple as listing them down. For example:
- “It would be great to walk into a room and know everyone in there, simply because I haven’t been afraid to talk to anyone!”
- “Having more meaningful relationships is important to me. If I can be that friend who people confide in, I’ll be happier.”
- “To be comfortable in my own skin all the time and not have to pretend to be someone else… that would make me so happy.”
Building The Bridge
The last step is building the bridge or “hacking” it together, as per the strategy. If you know on one side who you are and on the other side who you want to become, you just have to take steps to go in the right direction.
The “bridge” itself is just action and affirmation. It’s believing every step of the way that you can become the person you see yourself being. While it sounds simple, it’s harder to be consistent about. That’s because people fall off this bridge. Either the steps are too weak and you fall through, the bridge is too narrow and you lose balance, or conditions are too “windy” and you fall off.
There are many reasons why you cannot make it to the other side, and people fall off all the time. That’s the important thing to note. The next most important thing to keep in mind is that it’s normal to fall off. You have to take baby steps, inch by inch — this sort of bridge is one you can’t simply run across on. You have to take it slow.
Build the bridge by reminding yourself of the destination on the other side. Take steps day by day that will get you closer. Hold on when conditions challenge you, like when people publicly embarrass you or when there are days you want to throw in the towel. Those inches add up and become feet, which become miles.
One day, you’ll get to the other side. Then, you’ll look back and realize that the journey was half the fun.
Featured photo credit: Unsplash via hd.unsplash.com