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5 Signs You Blame Other People For Your Problems

5 Signs You Blame Other People For Your Problems

We learn as children that becoming an adult entails maturity, responsibility, and problem solving. We assume that when we finally reach adulthood, we will naturally encompass all of these traits. Yet, the ability to remain accountable in life proves elusive to many adults, though we may not be aware of this fact.

Generally, there are two types of people in this world: those that blame others for how they feel and the predicament they are in, and those that take accountability for their situation and focus on problem solving. Of course we know which group we think we are in, but what group are we really in? Here are five signs that you blame other people for your problems.

1. You complain about the same problem.

Life is full of challenges, but when they are met with a healthy mindset and action, the nature of these problems improves until they are solved. When we complain over and over again, we get stuck in the details of our story. We skew our perspective with exaggerated details of how we are innocent and why someone or something else is to blame. We lose sight of the big picture as we start to believe we have no power or control.

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The truth is, we do have power and we can exercise it with free will and choice. We always have a choice, even if it’s choosing another thought, we can get the ball rolling in a positive direction.

2. Resentment is your default mode.

This emotion signals lingering issues that are not being addressed. Resentment is a strong bitterness we feel when someone does something wrong to us or we feel we have been treated unfairly. It is a natural emotion, especially to an injustice. However, when we consistently feel this, it’s a sign we are in “victim” mode. Every emotion, including resentment, provides a message. It’s up to us to change either our perception of the problem or our actions toward it. If resentment is our go-to emotion, then we have cast the focus onto others and their actions instead of spotlighting ourselves and our ability to change the situation.

3. You say “you made me feel this way.”

No one can make us feel upset or angry. The only person that can make us feel a certain way is, well, us.

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We choose to feel a particular way based on how we’re interpreting the situation and the meaning we associate to it. If we don’t want to get upset or angry, we must become accountable for our own feelings and learn how to choose our reactions instead of allowing them to choose us.

It’s natural to be affected by other people. It’s also healthy to consider their feedback and opinions — as long as it doesn’t dictate our own thoughts and feelings. We always have a choice. When we realize this, we understand that other people can’t make us feel any way, even if they try their hardest. We decide what to feel and what not to feel.

4. You are in a codependent relationship.

A codependent relationship is a type of dysfunctional relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. A person will refuse to look at their own problems because they are too wrapped up in what the other is doing. These are very destructive relationships that keep both people stuck in a rut.

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Typically, when one person begins to focus on healing their own issues, it causes the other person to feel threatened and they consequently will not support the growth. However, we can change the dynamic of any relationship we are in if we know it is in a negative place. Though the other person may lash out against our efforts, we can remain clear on what are our issues versus theirs. This may inspire them to make similar changes for themselves.

5. You notice recurring themes in your life.

When we get into the same type of relationships, work at the same type of jobs, and repeat the same mistakes over again, it’s a sign that we are not taking ownership of our issues. Within these patterns, the faces may be different, the details not quite the same, but there is always a common denominator — us.

Recurring themes in our lives serve as a message that we are missing something, or that we are choosing to ignore it. Whatever the case may be, we can use these patterns as information that can help us break out of limiting beliefs and underlying motivations that keep us stuck.

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“When We Know Better, We Do Better.” — Maya Angelou

We all have problems in life — that’s what makes us human. We can’t fully appreciate the good times without experiencing the bad. We can successfully navigate these problems when we remember they are not caused by other people. Ultimately, we are the only ones who can be held accountable. Only when we realize this do we have the power to change the situation. When we view our problems as a call to action, we feel empowered to take the necessary steps towards finding a solution. If we discover we are in fact blaming others, we can choose to turn it around at any point. It’s that simple!

Featured photo credit: Benny Seidelman via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 2, 2018

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

When giving a presentation or speech, you have to engage your audience effectively in order to truly get your point across. Unlike a written editorial or newsletter, your speech is fleeting; once you’ve said everything you set out to say, you don’t get a second chance to have your voice heard in that specific arena.

You need to make sure your audience hangs on to every word you say, from your introduction to your wrap-up. You can do so by:

1. Connecting them with each other

Picture your typical rock concert. What’s the first thing the singer says to the crowd after jumping out on stage? “Hello (insert city name here)!” Just acknowledging that he’s coherent enough to know where he is is enough for the audience to go wild and get into the show.

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It makes each individual feel as if they’re a part of something bigger. The same goes for any public speaking event. When an audience hears, “You’re all here because you care deeply about wildlife preservation,” it gives them a sense that they’re not just there to listen, but they’re there to connect with the like-minded people all around them.

2. Connect with their emotions

Speakers always try to get their audience emotionally involved in whatever topic they’re discussing. There are a variety of ways in which to do this, such as using statistics, stories, pictures or videos that really show the importance of the topic at hand.

For example, showing pictures of the aftermath of an accident related to drunk driving will certainly send a specific message to an audience of teenagers and young adults. While doing so might be emotionally nerve-racking to the crowd, it may be necessary to get your point across and engage them fully.

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3. Keep going back to the beginning

Revisit your theme throughout your presentation. Although you should give your audience the credit they deserve and know that they can follow along, linking back to your initial thesis can act as a subconscious reminder of why what you’re currently telling them is important.

On the other hand, if you simply mention your theme or the point of your speech at the beginning and never mention it again, it gives your audience the impression that it’s not really that important.

4. Link to your audience’s motivation

After you’ve acknowledged your audience’s common interests in being present, discuss their motivation for being there. Be specific. Using the previous example, if your audience clearly cares about wildlife preservation, discuss what can be done to help save endangered species’ from extinction.

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Don’t just give them cold, hard facts; use the facts to make a point that they can use to better themselves or the world in some way.

5. Entertain them

While not all speeches or presentations are meant to be entertaining in a comedic way, audiences will become thoroughly engaged in anecdotes that relate to the overall theme of the speech. We discussed appealing to emotions, and that’s exactly what a speaker sets out to do when he tells a story from his past or that of a well-known historical figure.

Speakers usually tell more than one story in order to show that the first one they told isn’t simply an anomaly, and that whatever outcome they’re attempting to prove will consistently reoccur, given certain circumstances.

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6. Appeal to loyalty

Just like the musician mentioning the town he’s playing in will get the audience ready to rock, speakers need to appeal to their audience’s loyalty to their country, company, product or cause. Show them how important it is that they’re present and listening to your speech by making your words hit home to each individual.

In doing so, the members of your audience will feel as if you’re speaking directly to them while you’re addressing the entire crowd.

7. Tell them the benefits of the presentation

Early on in your presentation, you should tell your audience exactly what they’ll learn, and exactly how they’ll learn it. Don’t expect them to listen if they don’t have clear-cut information to listen for. On the other hand, if they know what to listen for, they’ll be more apt to stay engaged throughout your entire presentation so they don’t miss anything.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

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