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Embrace Your Little Faults. They Are What Defines You.

Embrace Your Little Faults. They Are What Defines You.

How much of our lives have we dedicated to perfection? The straight A’s, the beach bodies, the perfect scores; the list goes on. Striving towards perfection and then not achieving it can lead to depression, unhealthy mood swings, and self-deprecating doubt. These frustrations pile on, and eventually, a perfectionist may find themselves struggling to accept themselves.

If a person can’t accept who they are, they lose sight of their selves, and then, seek out ways to sculpt who they are supposed to be. I am a straight A student. I am a size zero. I achieved one-hundred percent. Underneath all those titles expressed through accomplishments, who is the person who achieved all those things? They couldn’t have possibly made it through without having made some mistakes and being imperfect in other things. Faults and flaws are what make individuals different from each other.

How Is Perfection Defined

Being a straight A student or wearing a size zero in jeans is by no means an absolute definition of perfection. If those things are considered your goals, then great! Go for it. Work hard to get what you want because there’s nothing wrong with that. But make certain that you are doing it for genuine reasons. It has to be what you want. Not what everyone wants for you and everyone else. Having B’s or C’s or wearing whatever size you wear does not dictate how close or far away you are from perfection. You dictate who you are. Perfection does not define you, and you are not defined by perfection.

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The dictionary defines perfection as “the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.” The dictionary defines flaw as “a mistake or shortcoming in a plan, theory, or legal document that causes it to fail or reduces its effectiveness.” Was having a B in World History a shortcoming in your plans? Does it reduce your effectiveness as a person? Will you not be able to perform your duties in your daily work and personal lives if you do not nail an A in that class? Maybe it does if you plan to study History in college and you plan to become a professor or a scholar in the field. If so, congratulations! You have a goal! But you will have to make mistakes along the way in order to learn what not to do. That B in World History informed you of what it was that you didn’t know. You’ve made mistakes, leaving you the opportunity to learn.

This is how you grow. Growth is defined as “the process of developing or maturing physically, mentally, or spiritually.” By not being perfect, there is always room to grow. Striving and achieving perfection would infer that there is no more growth needed. You have peaked physically, mentally and spiritually. There is nothing else to satisfy. Nothing to learn. Nothing to do.

Perfection sounds a little boring, doesn’t it?

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Don’t Strive For Perfection. Strive For Balance

Ever gone on an interview and been asked, “Tell us your strengths?” You’d might answer:

  • “I’m great at analyzing!”
  • “I work hard at what I do!”
  • “I’m a kind, loving person!”

These skills are wonderful assets to have. For what the employer is looking for, these could be the keys to getting in the door. But then, the interviewer asks you, “well, what are your weaknesses?”

You stumble. You aren’t sure what to say. You haven’t thought about it much, or you couldn’t come up with anything before the interview. The reality is that what makes us strong can also make us weak.

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  • “I analyze too much and I forget to listen to my instincts, thus second-guessing my conclusions.”
  • “I work too hard. Last year, I was in the hospital because I was stressed and malnourished, and my doctor told me I had to take a week off.”
  • “I’m really nice. I’m so nice that I let people take advantage of me and I don’t say anything because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

And that’s okay. While you were trying to become better at problem-solving, elevating your work ethic, and sustaining your virtues, you might not have realized that trying to do too much of one thing can be a bad thing. It’s important to work towards becoming better at those things, but it’s also important to accept that you are human and that your strengths aren’t always going to be consistent. Don’t strive for perfection, strive for balance, and you may find peace within yourself.

Accept that you could be better at something, but where you are now is where you’re supposed to be. Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and allow yourself to be you. Forcing yourself to be something more can be disastrous for your personal and work life, and your health.

If Someone Was Perfect, They’d Be A Robot

Ideas of perfection, whether they be of our intangible attributes or our bodies, are social constructs that dictate expectations and standards. Comparisons are often drawn to categorize people. That’s what our minds do: organize the chaos. But if everyone was expected to look or behave a certain way, we’d all look and behave the same. As obvious of a statement as that may seem, it’s not so widely conceded.

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People come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They hold their own beliefs and morals, aspirations and fears. Their experiences are their own, and no one ever experiences precisely the same life as the other. Everyone makes mistakes and have blemishes and faults. These elements cannot be manufactured. As a result, the standards dictated by social constructs are irrelevant. Everyone is different, and that is okay.

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Kyle Hiller

Author, Writer

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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