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We Know What We Are, But Know Not What We May Be

We Know What We Are, But Know Not What We May Be

This is a world filled with expectations. Every person on the planet expects something from you, and it seems like there’s no pleasing anyone, even ourselves. The fact of the matter is that we are surrounded with this mentality that we SHOULD be doing something other than reading this article. Mentalities like that can be so controlling, so dangerous. Living in a world of expectations is useful in the fact that we can become whatever it is that we want. However, sometimes we get so caught up in the fear of what others want, or what we think they want, that we lose sight of that.

Living in this world, and knowing who we are now can be cathartic. Every once in a while, it’s good to stare into the mirror and take stock of who you are. But if you live in the mentality of living up to expectations, it puts a heavy limitation on yourself. It doesn’t give you the full creative freedom you need to step out of the world’s shadow, and into your own sunshine. You can’t achieve your dream if you’re taking everyone else into consideration.

Sometimes The Generic Life Can Destroy You

The simple life of working 8 hours a day for life, having kids and a house sounds wonderful. It sounds simplistic enough to work in theory. But while some people are okay with just going through the steps, many people have been destroyed by it. You know that life. You go to school, get a degree in a job you can do, get said job, get married, have kids, buy a house, and eventually retire to enjoy your twilight years.

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That sounds amazing, but unfortunately, that’s still a life guide by expectations, by limitations. There’s no room in that process to live your dream life. That’s a generic life that you just follow, not something you aspire. More than that, there’s overwhelming evidence that shows that when you finally escape from that, then you begin to succeed!

Life Isn’t Given To You, You Go Out And Build It

There was a woman once, she followed the exact steps you hope for. While she had a love for writing novels, she was afraid of failure and bought into everyone’s expectations. She went to school, got a job, got married and had a daughter. Unfortunately, she’d been released from her job, and gotten divorced before moving to Edinburgh and was living on government assistance. But she back tracked, wrote a series of novels, and became one of the most well-known authors of her time. Her name is J.K. Rowling!

“You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.” – J.K. Rowling

This man focused his life on living within the norm. He went out and got a job at a fortune 500 company…then absolutely hated it. Within 11 months, he had left his job to find something that he could mess up! From that, he built the group called Live Your Legend. Scott Dinsmore passed away living the life he wanted, and the community built on his dream lives on in his honor!

“It’s about doing something that matters to you, and makes an impact only you can make.” – Scott Dinsmore

This man started out living his life entirely based on his parents’ approval. He was taken out of school to take over the family farm. When it was seen that he was failing at that, he was sent back to school to finish. He then moved onwards to attend Cambridge University and became one of the most prominent scientists in our history! Sir Issac Newton lived that life that only he could, the one that he wanted to! He wasn’t going to let anyone else ruin that for him.

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“We build too many walls, and not enough bridges” – Sir Issac Newton

Only You Can Live Your Life

This world can be vicious, life is tough at the beginning. After that, it gets even more difficult. But you only get this one life, only one shot to do exactly what you want. Think about what you’ve always wanted to do. Think about those limits that you’ve allowed yourself to live by. If you want to go live your life on your own terms, have success in the way that you want, you need to get to work right now.

Barring the moral limits such as theft and violence, you need to take every limitation in your life and completely disregard it. So far, the limitations you’ve set have only gotten you to this point, and you have so much more to do! If you have a dream, why does anyone else have a say in what you should do? You know what you want to do, and you owe it not only to yourself but the world to see it through. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to take a lot of effort, blood, sweat and tears.

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But one day, you’ll look back.You’ll see all those people who put those expectations on you, and the limitations that you set on yourself. You see just how far past all of that you’ve gotten. The world is a dull place at times. It takes your dream, the color you can bring to this world to make that impact that only you can make.

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Published on October 7, 2019

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

Can a person really be toxic? Well, a toxic person does not refer to those who are affected by the virus or toxic. To be precise, toxic people are those who are very unsupportive, abusive and unhealthy in nature. Their behavior is filled with venom and you will not feel any sort of gentle breeze in their words.

In this article, you will learn how to spot out a toxic person, and what you can do to deal with them.

Signs of Toxic People

To make it more obvious, I have added some signs of toxic people below.

Manipulative Behavior And Fabricated Mind

Toxic people are unable to deal with the bitter truth firmly. If you are going to blurt out their fabrications with proof, they will try to change the whole matter with their manipulative behavior. They will titillate you with sensitive words or they will try to frighten you to get rid of the problems.

Inhuman And Merciless in Nature

We know that sharing our thoughts with friends will keep us in good mental state. But, if you are not getting fruitful outcomes, you have to understand that you are spending time with toxic friends.

Toxic people do not know how to put themselves in other’s shoes. They just put on a mask of simplicity. But, in reality, they don’t have feelings for you. Therefore, you should stop sharing your valuable time with them as you will get nothing except annoyance and silence.

Hypocrisy at Its Best in Their Nature

Toxic people have a great hunger for respect, adoration, and fidelity. After dignifying them with these valuable elements, you will get nothing; you will be cheated, manipulated and criticized by them. And, if you are not willing to listen to them, you will be controlled by guilt-tripping.

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Emotional Outburst And Pathological Excuses

Toxic people always want to see themselves in the positive end. Therefore, to get their job done, they always have an emotional outburst and emotional excuse to make an impulsive impression upon you.

We do mistakes and it is our duty to accept those mistakes. But, toxic people have their own rules, they have a tendency to present themselves rationally even after committing a mistake. If someone tries to expose themselves with facts, they show no embarrassment and use emotional excuses as a shield.

Play with Your Emotion And Gradually Erode It

Toxic people always try to condescend you with critical jokes and when you try to elicit your thoughts, they just burst out laughing. Teasing becomes an important element in your relationship with toxic person. They even give you backhanded compliments to belittle you.

Thus, using their toxic mindset, they just gradually diminish your abilities as well as intelligence. And you will have nothing left in your hand other than putting up with these things to maintain the silence.

Well, you probably might have not seen all these signs in one person as there are different types of toxic people roaming around you.

4 Types of Toxic People

To understand it better, I’m mentioning the different types of toxic people here.

1. Conversational Narcissist

There are some toxic people who do not know how to give importance to others. They will talk about themselves but never ask you about your condition; they will only recall you when they need you or they are facing some sort of problems.

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2. Emotional Vampires

These vampires do not suck your blood but dissipate your emotion. They always talk negatively about everyone and compel you to think in the same pattern that they follow. They mask themselves in such a way in front of you that you gradually start giving importance to them. But, ultimately, you will not get any positive outcome from them.

3. Monsters with Green eyes

As discussed earlier, toxic people will give you backhanded compliments. Basically, these are called monsters with green eyes. These monsters feel happy when you feel sad. Therefore, they will always try to belittle your achievements, intelligence, and strengths. Along with it, they give compliments with some negativity in it.

4. Black-Eyed Cats

These cats always do mew-mew and try to control everything around them. They love to be pampered but, they do not like if someone goes against them.

If you are in a relationship with such persons, you will be nagged until you are giving them complete satisfaction. In a nutshell, it must be said that you have to align yourself with them if you want to live with them. But, ultimately, you will lose your mental, conversational and emotional freedom.

How to Deal with Toxic People

Living with problems is more convenient than living with toxic people. But, toxic people are parasites and therefore, you will see these monsters rambling around you wherever you go.

However, if you know how to deal with them, it would be very helpful for you and your life would be much easier to live. We have added some tips to assist you, just check these out.

Get Rid of Intermittent Reinforcement

We are very optimistic in nature and over the time, this optimism has reached to such a level that we can happily put up with the ‘close losses’ instead of trying to catch the ‘near wins’.

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B.F Skinner once did an experiment with three rats. He put them in different cages attached with levers. The lever delivered food when it was pressed. In the 1st cage, the lever always delivered food when the rat pressed it. In case of the 2nd cage, food was never delivered by the lever even after pressing it, therefore, the rat understood the lesson and never tried to get food. But, in the third cage, the lever delivered food randomly and as a result, the rat was completely hooked and fixated. He constantly pushed it but didn’t get the food always.

Well, this is called intermittent relationship and the same thing happens in human relationships where toxic people give you intermittent reinforcement and your heart gets pumped up with optimism. As a result, you will be hooked and your life will be fixated at some point with toxic people.

You should learn to move on without them and live your life happily because random happiness cannot bring permanent relief.

Never Make Too Many Allowances And Pardons

Well, sympathetic attitude is very good and it is also a fact that sometimes toxic people suffer from genuine depression, physical as well as mental illness. But, you have to set a boundary and you cannot allow people to get away with anything so easily.

If you make too many allowances as well as pardons, it would not be good for you in the long-term. Yes, there are some people who are facing extreme hardships and they are not even toxic in nature. But, all you can do is show some genuine compassion keeping yourself within the boundaries.

Always Try to Ignore Their Toxic Traps

Demotivational words are the primary weapon that they frequently use in their implications to detract you. Along with this, they throw words in such a way that you start feeling guilty. Well, you must understand that these are just toxic traps and you should not step on it.

Always remember that you will have full access to freedom if you stop taking things personally. They not only do this with you but also with everyone. You just have to keep in mind that these toxic words are not based on truth but on their own mental reproduction. So, you just have to ignore this and focus on your work.

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Show Them Your Beautiful Smile Not the Curves on Your Forehead

Toxic people have an aptitude to attack mentally, mock disgracefully and diminish shamefully. But, you will not be affected if you don’t surrender yourself. Show them that you are not getting belittled or insulted.

We all have our problems and we also know that we are capable of solving these problems. Therefore, the matter entirely depends upon us and if we don’t allow these vampires to enter into our life or play with our emotions, they cannot suck our happiness. So, I’d suggest you show your beautiful smile when they buzz around you.

Don’t Suppress Yourself

Toxic people will intimidate, bully, pass guilt, and forcefully take money from you to get their job done. They know very well that they are doing wrong and at the same time, they are acquainted with the concept that we are incapable of doing anything against them.

Most of the time, we keep ourselves quiet until someone speaks up. And because of this suppressive mindset, we are gradually being dragged into their mind games.

Well, we have to change this concept as it infuses courage into them. We need to obstruct them with firm minds and make them realize the negative consequences of their behavior.[1] If they are upsetting you, just tell them directly. Your direct statement might open a new gate of opportunity that will allow you to help them if they are suffering from genuine problems.

So, why are you still tolerating these toxic people? Follow the tips mentioned above and deal with them in the right way.

Featured photo credit: Devin Avery via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Tips for Grooming: Change Your Fixed Negative Belief

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