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We Know What We Are, But Know Not What We May Be

We Know What We Are, But Know Not What We May Be

This is a world filled with expectations. Every person on the planet expects something from you, and it seems like there’s no pleasing anyone, even ourselves. The fact of the matter is that we are surrounded with this mentality that we SHOULD be doing something other than reading this article. Mentalities like that can be so controlling, so dangerous. Living in a world of expectations is useful in the fact that we can become whatever it is that we want. However, sometimes we get so caught up in the fear of what others want, or what we think they want, that we lose sight of that.

Living in this world, and knowing who we are now can be cathartic. Every once in a while, it’s good to stare into the mirror and take stock of who you are. But if you live in the mentality of living up to expectations, it puts a heavy limitation on yourself. It doesn’t give you the full creative freedom you need to step out of the world’s shadow, and into your own sunshine. You can’t achieve your dream if you’re taking everyone else into consideration.

Sometimes The Generic Life Can Destroy You

The simple life of working 8 hours a day for life, having kids and a house sounds wonderful. It sounds simplistic enough to work in theory. But while some people are okay with just going through the steps, many people have been destroyed by it. You know that life. You go to school, get a degree in a job you can do, get said job, get married, have kids, buy a house, and eventually retire to enjoy your twilight years.

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That sounds amazing, but unfortunately, that’s still a life guide by expectations, by limitations. There’s no room in that process to live your dream life. That’s a generic life that you just follow, not something you aspire. More than that, there’s overwhelming evidence that shows that when you finally escape from that, then you begin to succeed!

Life Isn’t Given To You, You Go Out And Build It

There was a woman once, she followed the exact steps you hope for. While she had a love for writing novels, she was afraid of failure and bought into everyone’s expectations. She went to school, got a job, got married and had a daughter. Unfortunately, she’d been released from her job, and gotten divorced before moving to Edinburgh and was living on government assistance. But she back tracked, wrote a series of novels, and became one of the most well-known authors of her time. Her name is J.K. Rowling!

“You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.” – J.K. Rowling

This man focused his life on living within the norm. He went out and got a job at a fortune 500 company…then absolutely hated it. Within 11 months, he had left his job to find something that he could mess up! From that, he built the group called Live Your Legend. Scott Dinsmore passed away living the life he wanted, and the community built on his dream lives on in his honor!

“It’s about doing something that matters to you, and makes an impact only you can make.” – Scott Dinsmore

This man started out living his life entirely based on his parents’ approval. He was taken out of school to take over the family farm. When it was seen that he was failing at that, he was sent back to school to finish. He then moved onwards to attend Cambridge University and became one of the most prominent scientists in our history! Sir Issac Newton lived that life that only he could, the one that he wanted to! He wasn’t going to let anyone else ruin that for him.

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“We build too many walls, and not enough bridges” – Sir Issac Newton

Only You Can Live Your Life

This world can be vicious, life is tough at the beginning. After that, it gets even more difficult. But you only get this one life, only one shot to do exactly what you want. Think about what you’ve always wanted to do. Think about those limits that you’ve allowed yourself to live by. If you want to go live your life on your own terms, have success in the way that you want, you need to get to work right now.

Barring the moral limits such as theft and violence, you need to take every limitation in your life and completely disregard it. So far, the limitations you’ve set have only gotten you to this point, and you have so much more to do! If you have a dream, why does anyone else have a say in what you should do? You know what you want to do, and you owe it not only to yourself but the world to see it through. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to take a lot of effort, blood, sweat and tears.

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But one day, you’ll look back.You’ll see all those people who put those expectations on you, and the limitations that you set on yourself. You see just how far past all of that you’ve gotten. The world is a dull place at times. It takes your dream, the color you can bring to this world to make that impact that only you can make.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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