Advertising
Advertising

11 Things Kids Secretly Want You To Tell Them Every Day

11 Things Kids Secretly Want You To Tell Them Every Day

It’s the little things that make a difference. Think back to your childhood. What did your parents do or say that most encouraged you? Children are highly sensitive, and uttering the right words and phrases on a regular basis can dramatically shape how they perceive themselves and the world around them. Here are 11 things parents should be telling their kids every day.

1. “I love you”

All children want their parents’ love, and they will never get tired of hearing how much Mom and Dad adore them. A study published in the International Journal of Intercultural Relations showed that females tend to say this more frequently than males, so if you’re a father then take note! Your children will really benefit from having a male role model who isn’t afraid to show his feelings, so tell your kids how much you love them.

2. “I appreciate your efforts”

Research with young children suggests that when they are praised for their efforts rather than their grades, they are more likely to try harder in the future. This sets up a virtuous cycle whereby they put more effort into their work, obtain higher grades, feel a greater sense of self-satisfaction, feel inclined to try harder, and so on.

Advertising

3. “I’m so glad to spend time with you”

Many parents are forced to juggle multiple responsibilities, such as working a full-time job, keeping a household running smoothly, and caring for elderly relatives. Children can pick up on these pressures, and appreciate it when their parents let them know how much they enjoy spending time with them.

4. “You’re wonderful”

Children are now under more pressure than ever before. They have frequent tests at school, the pressure to get a good job starts at an increasingly young age, and they face a barrage of media messages telling them how they should and shouldn’t look. This means that a simple “You’re wonderful” can go a long way for modern kids, who need reassuring that they are fine just the way they are.

5. “Keep trying”

Kids want and need their parents to encourage them when they fail. Research shows that this is especially useful and important for kids from disadvantaged backgrounds. 

Advertising

6. “You’re on the right track”

When children aren’t quite sure whether they are on course to meet a personal goal or learn a new skill, they often look to their parents for reassurance and guidance. A simple “You’re getting there!” or “You’re on the right track!” can keep a child motivated when they would otherwise have given up.

7. “You’re so kind”

Recent research indicates that children are more likely to value high grades and academic ability over being kind and caring towards others. What can we do to reverse this trend? Start by celebrating kindness in your children whenever possible. It will give them a warm glow to have their caring nature recognized.

8. “You’re special”

Every child is special to their parents, but how often do we remind them that they are irreplaceable? Everyone likes to feel as though they are accepted and honored for who they are, whatever their age.

Advertising

9. “Let’s have fun”

Even the most advanced, studious of kids need to have fun from time to time. Whilst it’s important for them to play with others their own age and develop the skills needed to get along with peers, having fun with their parents is a great way of building fond childhood memories as well as deepening the parent-child bond.

10. “I trust you”

Kids like to feel as though they can take on grownup responsibilities. Research shows that what we expect of children is usually what they give us by way of return, so start treating them as responsible adults-in-training and let them rise to the occasion.

11. “You can do that, I’m sure”

The world can be a tough place, but parental support can make all the difference. Children face challenges every day, whether it’s learning to tie their shoelaces or transfer to a new school. Getting some much-needed encouragement from Mom or Dad can instil self-belief that lasts not only in the short-term, but well into adulthood.

Advertising

Parenting is a demanding job, but taking just a few seconds each day to remind your child just how great they are will pay off in the future. As adults, they will thank you for believing in and supporting them.

More by this author

Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

30 Ways To Treat Yourself No Matter What Focus On Yourself, Because Most Of The Time No One Really Cares 3 Things To Give Up If You Want To Take Control Of Your Life All You Have to Do to Sleep Better How Social Media Is Making You Feel Bad about Yourself Every Day

Trending in Parenting

1 3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child 2 How To Help Your Child To Cope With Anger 3 Signs of Depression in Children (And How to Help Them to Overcome It) 4 17 Ted Talks for Kids to Inspire Little Minds to Do Big Things 5 The Leading Causes of Prenatal Depression and How to Manage it Best

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on February 11, 2021

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

I’m old enough to remember how the cane at school was used for punishment. My dad is old enough to think that banning corporal punishment in schools resulted in today’s poorly disciplined youth. With all of this as my early experiences, there was a time when I would have been better assigned to write about how to negatively discipline your child.

What changed? Thankfully, my wife showed me different approaches for discipline that were very positive. Plus, I was open to learning.

What has not changed is that kids are full of problems with impulses and emotions that flip from sad to happy, then angry in a moment. Though we’re not that different as adults with stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, and stimulants such as sugar and caffeine in our diets.

Punishment as Discipline?

What this means is that we usually take the easy path when a child misbehaves and punish them. Punishment may solve an isolated problem, but it’s not really teaching the kids anything useful in the long term.

Probably it’s time for me to be clear about what I mean by punishment and discipline as these terms are often used interchangeably, but they are quite different.

Discipline VS. Punishment

Punishment is where we inflict pain or suffering on our child as a penalty. Discipline means to teach. They’re quite the opposite, but you’ll notice that teachers, parents, and coaches often confuse the two words.

So, as parents, we have to have clear goals to teach our kids. It’s a long-term plan—using strategies that will have the longest-lasting impact on our kids are the best use of our time and energy.

If you’re clear about what you want to achieve, then it becomes easier to find the best strategy. The better we are at responding when our kids misbehave or do not follow our guidance, the better the results are going to be.

Advertising

3 Positive Discipline Strategies for Your Child

Stay with me as I appreciate that a lot of people who read these blogs do not always have children with impulse control. We’ve had a lot of kids in our martial arts classes that were the complete opposite. They had concentration issues, hyperactive, and disruptive to the other children.

The easy solution is to punish their parents by removing the kids from the class or punish the child with penalties such as time outs and burpees. Yes, it was tempting to do all of this, but one of our club values is that we pull you up rather than push you down.

This means it’s a long-term gain to build trust and confidence, which is destroyed by constant punishments.

Here are the discipline strategies we used to build trust and confidence with these hyperactive kids.

1. Patience

The first positive discipline strategy is to simply be patient. The more patient you are, the more likely you are to get results. Remember I said that we need to build trust and connection. You’ll get further with this goal using patience.

As a coach, sometimes I was not the best person for this role, but we had other coaches in the club that could step in here. As a parent, you may not have this luxury, so it’s really important to recognize any improvements that you see and celebrate them.

2. Redirection

The second strategy we use is redirection. It’s important with a redirection to take “no” out of the equation. Choices are a great alternative.

Imagine a scenario where you’re in a restaurant and your kid is wailing. The hard part here is getting your child to stop screaming long enough for you to build a connection. Most parents have calming strategies and if you practice them with your child, they are more likely to be effective.

Advertising

In the first moment of calm, you can say “Your choice to scream and cry in public is not a good one. It would be best to say, Dad. What can I do to get ice-cream?” You can replace this with an appropriate option.

The challenge with being calm and redirecting is that we need to be clear-minded, focused, and really engaged at the moment. If you’re on your phone, talking with friends or family, thinking about work or the bills, you’ll miss this opportunity to discipline in a way that has long-term benefits.

3. Repair and Ground Rules

The third positive discipline strategy is to repair and use ground rules. Once you’ve given the better option and it has been taken, you have a chance to repair this behavior to lessen its occurrence to better yet, prevent it from happening again. And by setting appropriate ground rules, you can make this a long-term win by helping your child improve their behavior.

It’s these ground rules that help you correct the poor choices of your child and direct the behavior that you want to see.

Consequences Versus Ultimatums

When I was a child and being punished. My parents worked in a busy business for long hours, so their default was to go to ultimatums. “Do that again and you’re grounded for a week,” or “If I catch you doing X, you’ll go to bed without dinner”.

Looking back, this worked to a point. But the flip side is that I remembered more of the ultimatums than the happier times. I’ve learned through trial and error with my own kids that consequences are more effective while not breaking down trust.

What to Do When Ground Rules Get Broken?

It’s on the consequences that you use when the ground rules are broken.

In the martial arts class, when the hyperactive student breaks the ground rules. They would miss a turn in a game or go to the back of the line in a queue. We do not want to shame the child by isolating them. But on the flip side, there should be clear ground rules and proportionate consequences.

Advertising

Yes, there are times when we would like to exclude the student from the class, the club, and even the universe. Again, it’s here that patience is so important and probably impulse control too. With an attainable consequence, you can maintain trust and you’re more likely to get the long-term behavior that you’re looking to achieve.

Interestingly, we would occasionally hear a strategy from parents that little Kevin has been misbehaving at home with his sister or something similar. He likes martial arts training, so the parent would react by removing Kevin from the martial arts class as a punishment.

We would suggest that this would remove Kevin from an environment where he is behaving positively. Removing him from this is likely to be detrimental to the change you would like to see. He may even feel shame when he returns to the class and loses all the progress he’s made.

Alternatives to Punishment

Another option is to tell Kevin to write a letter to his sister, apologizing for his behavior, and explaining how he is going to behave in the future.

If your child is too young to write, give the apology face to face. For the apology to feel sincere, there is some value to pre-framing or practicing this between yourself and your child before they give it to the intended person.

Don’t expect them to know the ground rules or what you’re thinking! It will be clearer to your child and better received with some practice. You can practice along the lines of: “X is the behavior I did, Y is what I should have done, and Z is my promise to you for how I’m going to act in the future.” You can replace XYZ with the appropriate actions.

It does not need to be a letter or in person, it can even be a video. But there has to be an intention to repair the broken ground rule. If you try these strategies, that is become fully engaged with them and you’re still getting nowhere.

But what to do if these strategies do not work? Then there is plenty to gain by seeking the help of an expert. Chances are that something is interfering or limiting their development.

Advertising

This does not mean that your child has a neurological deficiency, although this may be the root cause. But it means that you can get an objective view and help on how to create the changes that you would like to see. Remember that using positive discipline strategies is better than mere punishment.

There are groups that you can chat with for help. Family Lives UK has the aim of ensuring that all parents have somewhere to turn before they reached a crisis point. The NSPCC also provides a useful guide to positive parenting that you can download.[1]

Bottom Line

So, there your go, the three takeaways on strategies you can use for positively disciplining your child. The first one is about you! Be patient, be present, and think about what is best for the long term. AKA, avoid ultimatums and punishment. The second is to use a redirect, then repair and repeat (ground rules) as your 3-step method of discipline.

Using these positive discipline strategies require you to be fully engaged with your child. Again, being impulsive breaks trust and you lose some of the gains you’ve both worked hard to achieve.

Lastly, consequences are better than punishment. Plus, avoid shaming, especially in public at all costs.

I hope this blog has been useful, and remember that you should be more focused on repairing bad behavior because being proactive and encouraging good behavior with rewards, fun, and positive emotions takes less effort than repairing the bad.

More Tips on How To Discipline Your Child

Featured photo credit: Leo Rivas via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] NSPCC Learning: Positive parenting

Read Next