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How To Stop Self-Deception And Be True To Yourself Again

How To Stop Self-Deception And Be True To Yourself Again

Often times when we are going through a rough time in life, we choose to see what we want to see without even realizing it. Self-deception is the process of lying to ourselves without realizing that we are doing it. We literally believe our own beliefs, perceptions, and thoughts.

Contrary to what you may believe, we all do it at one point or another. We have fragile egos, and our subconscious mind works hard to protect feelings from confusion and harm. So in turn, it distorts our views where possible to make us feel better than we would otherwise. Lying is never a good thing, and we often think about lying to others, but it can be more detrimental to lie to ourselves.

Self-deception is the fountain of failure, unhappiness and missed opportunities.

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Why do we do it?

As previously stated, we often don’t even know that we’re in a state of denial of the truth or reality. We lie to ourselves to makes us feel better about a certain situation.

For example, a woman who is in a physically and mentally abusive relationship believes that what is happening to her is a mistake made by her significant other, or often justifies their behavior based off on something she did that she believes was wrong. What this woman fails to realize is that the same person who is causing her harm is the same person she believes will protect her and keep her safe. From an outside perspective, nothing about that particular behavior can be justified. However, this woman is in a stage of self-deception where her mind is attempting to protect her of the harmful truth.

“We deceive ourselves because we don’t have enough psychological strength to admit the truth and deal with the consequences that will follow.” -Cortney S. Warren Ph.D.

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The cost of self-deception

Unfortunately, the people we love and care for the most tend to suffer as well. We tend to hurt ourselves and those we love and care for the most. One major cost of self-deception is that we hurt ourselves and those we love the most when we don’t take full responsibility for who we are. When we use painful life experiences to justify being a non-ideal version of ourselves, we directly and indirectly hurt the ones we love the most.

Another cost of self-deception is that it can leave us with mountains of regret. During this state, we may have made some choices that have caused some harmful consequences to avoid being honest with ourselves. What is unfortunate is that when looking back at life with regrets, it is a tough pill to swallow because you cannot change the choices in your past, only your choices moving forward. If you want to learn how to be true to yourself you must remember this.

Quattrone and Tversky explored the self-deception phenomenon in their classic social psychology experiment in 1984. “The experiment shows the different graduations of self-deception. At the highest level, people tend to imbibe the deception and therefore think and act as though their incorrect belief is completely true, totally ignoring and rejecting any incoming hints from reality.”

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How to be true to yourself

  • Identify your life purpose, values and goals

Set small goals that move you in the direction of your bigger goals and values.

  • Be aware of your self-talk

Evaluate your thoughts when you first wake up in the morning. Are they supportive and positive? Be your own best coach, not your own worst critic.

  • Take time to play

Give yourself a break so that you can recharge by allowing yourself to do the things that you love.

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  • Honor your strengths

Write down the 3 strongest things about you. If you find yourself struggling, ask someone closest to help you and then focus on those strengths.

  • Get help if you feel stuck

There is professional, private help out there to overcome self-deception and teach you how to be true to yourself.

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Erica Wagner

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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