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What Socially Intelligent People Would Never Do

What Socially Intelligent People Would Never Do

We’ve all heard the sayings about what it means to know your power, what it means to feel truly confident, and to know yourself well. But do we understand them as deeply as we think we do?

True social intelligence comes from self-confidence, and understanding your self to a point where you are comfortably interacting in society at a mature level. There are certain things socially intelligent people do well that stand a mile apart from annoying habits of those who do not have such social savvy. Read ahead and see if you recognise any of these traits of socially intelligent people.

They never interrupt

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    People who are secure within themselves are good listeners. They do not feel the need to talk over another person, purely because they feel comfortable and calm waiting for their turn. There is no anxiety to forcibly get the point across – they are confident in what they are about to say, and know that it doesn’t need to be said straight away in order to have worth.

    They don’t presuppose what others are trying to say

    Socially intelligent people will ask questions if they need a greater understanding of a topic. They don’t cut straight in with what they think others are talking about, they will give other speakers time to say what they mean, without thinking their supposed ideas are instantly correct. 

    They won’t put the focus on themselves all the time

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      They understand that all people have equal rights to attention and focus, and they don’t feel the need to be at the centre of things at all times. They have high enough self esteem that they do not need to be placated continuously, rather they are comfortable with equal opportunity.

      They won’t judge others in order to prove themselves right

      A good sign of emotional maturity is to understand our differences. Judging another person in order to further your own personal ideas about something is not socially intelligent. But having an attitude of acceptance and openness is. 

      They won’t try hard to convince others, they just say what they think politely

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        This is a very good indicator that a person is socially savvy and has trust and faith in themselves. They will not feel the need to convince people of their opinions or status, or just of their general person. They will be confident enough in themselves to know that their truth is their truth – and that what others think is, politely, none of their business.

        They won’t invalidate people’s feelings, instead they show understanding

        Social intelligence involves understanding, patience and respect. A person’s feelings are a person’s feelings. They stem from somewhere and they arise, and are what they are. How a person reacts to those feelings is another thing entirely, but a savvy person will not disregard someone’s feelings just because it might suit them to do so.

        They know that understanding is a mature and healthy way to approach a situation in order to have a productive and peaceful outcome. They don’t need to make others feel less about themselves in order to feel more important than they are – they already know they are important.  

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        They aren’t insecure about having a voice, they’re calm and would listen patiently

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          They know that assertiveness is actually the best way to deal with things, not anger, or passive aggression disguised as assertiveness. Socially intelligent people are secure and confident about what they want to say, but also knowledgeable about how to use their voice. They know how to listen and engage and have a conversation confidently and with purpose, rather than acting childishly, and only with emotion.

          Featured photo credit: Luke Porter via unsplash.com

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          Last Updated on February 11, 2021

          Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

          Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

          How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

          Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

          The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

          Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

          Perceptual Barrier

          The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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          The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

          The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

          Attitudinal Barrier

          Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

          The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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          The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

          Language Barrier

          This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

          The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

          The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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          Emotional Barrier

          Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

          The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

          The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

          Cultural Barrier

          Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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          The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

          The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

          Gender Barrier

          Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

          The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

          The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

          And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

          Reference

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