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How To Keep Your Mind Uncontaminated In A Negative World

How To Keep Your Mind Uncontaminated In A Negative World

It’s easy to take one look at the news (or the comments section on a YouTube video) and instantly lose hope for humanity.

We’re constantly hearing stories about terrorist attacks, murderers, and plain old dishonest individuals who seem hell-bent on tearing down any sort of progress being made across the world.

It’s difficult to know how to stay positive when it seems like we have so much to be feel down about.

It’s difficult – but it’s not impossible.

It’s up to you to improve your outlook on life, and on the world in general. In doing so, you’ll put yourself in a better position to make the world a better place.

Accept the Inevitable

You’re probably familiar with the Serenity Prayer, but how often do you actually live by it?

It takes energy to not get frustrated by the negative we see in the world. It can leave you exhausted if you pay too much attention to it.

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But, as the verses in the link above say, there are some things you can’t change. So why waste time and energy worrying about them?

There will always be evil, stubbornness, and stupidity in the world. Believing these things can be completely eradicated is foolish.

Instead of losing precious moments of your life worrying about the things that you have no power over, accept that you’re powerless – and move on.

You have much better things to do with your time.

Shift Your Focus

If you’ve ever uttered the phrase “There’s so much evil in this world,” you’re right.

But you’d also be right if you said “There’s so much good in this world.”

Both exist. It’s just much harder to see the good because the media, along with your Facebook feed, is constantly discussing the evil. Tragic headlines sell. You wouldn’t click a link that said “Absolutely nothing bad happened today!”, would you? (Although, now that I think about it, such a headline would be so incredible that it would be hard to resist…)

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Do yourself a favor: Every time you hear about some tragic event unfolding, go to the Good News Network and spend at least ten minutes reading the stories posted there.

The truth is, there are many more good things happening around us than bad. You just need to shift your focus and actively look for them.

Engage In Wholesome Hobbies

When you’re constantly hearing about all the awful things going on in the world, you might be tempted to grab a drink or reach to a similar vice to calm your nerves.

But deep down you know this will only make you feel better temporarily. Substance abuse is a cyclical problem: You feel like crap, so you take another drink, then you wake up, feel like crap, and grab another one. Meanwhile, the problems that got you to drink in the first place never actually went away.

Be productive with your time. Occupy your mind and body with hobbies that will improve your knowledge, skills, and abilities. Go for a bike ride. Learn a new song on guitar. Read a new book. Just like when using drugs or alcohol, you’ll take your mind off of what’s bothering you about the world – but you’ll be doing so in a much healthier way.

Surround Yourself With Positive People

Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

While his sentiment had to do with success and ability, it also pertains to emotional outlook as well.

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If you’ve surrounded yourself with people who are constantly complaining about every little thing, it’s easy to fall into the trap of doing the same.

On the other hand, if you surround yourself with people who are always looking on the bright side of things, you’d be the odd man out if you maintained a negative outlook on life.

Surround yourself with people who will build you up and keep you focused on doing the best you can every day of your life.

Practice Gratefulness

Along with changing your focus on worldly events, do so in your personal life, as well.

Everyone has something to complain about.

But, no matter how bad you think you have it, you have lots to be thankful for, too.

Heck, you’re probably reading this on a WiFi-enabled laptop while you sip coffee from a Starbucks cup. Do you know how many people will never get to experience that level of comfort?

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Once you’ve changed your focus to see all the good things in this world, go one step further: Be thankful for these things. Don’t take them for granted.

You’ll start to realize just how much there is in your life that you have to be grateful for.

Once You Understand How To Stay Positive, Be The Change

Okay, I know I said there are some things you need to accept because they’re much too great of a problem for one person to take on. But there are ways you can do your part to make the world a better place.

Be more giving of yourself. Forgive others for minor transgressions. Don’t take life so seriously.

One small act of kindness can start a chain reaction that, in some small way, will change the world for the better.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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