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10 Reasons Why You Should Love Yourself First

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10 Reasons Why You Should Love Yourself First

Have you ever heard the expression, “You can’t help someone else until you help yourself”? The same idea applies to self-love. How can you love someone if you don’t love yourself first?

Try to visualize yourself with a ball of white light in your chest. It glows with pure love, especially when you are with family and friends.

When you want to express your affection to someone, you take a small piece of that light and hand it to that person. With every coffee you buy for a stranger, listen to a friend when they feel down, or lend them one of your favorite books, you are giving them a piece of your light. It is unlimited, so you need not do anything replenish it.

However, when you don’t love yourself, it depletes with every kindness and affection that you show to other people. This light eventually goes out, and you feel burnt out and exhausted. Once you become emotionally exhausted and unable to find the positive in anything, depression sinks in.

Here I’m sharing with you 10 reasons why you should love yourself first.

1. You Have To

Loving yourself first is essential if you want to be happy and live your life with no regrets.[1] You may have been holding back because you have been told you aren’t worth loving at some point. Thus, you’ve been bullying yourself about it ever since.

But that is the glass ceiling that this generation must break through immediately.

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You deserve to be loved. You are a wonderful human. Life on this planet is short; do you really want to waste it with self-loathing?

Hate only leads to hate, misery, and war. Do you want to be at war with yourself forever? Or do you want to be at peace and create new and amazing things?

You have a whole life waiting for you on the other side of all that.

2. It Is Your Responsibility

By taking self-love out of your control and leaving it in the hands of others, you can only ever be disappointed. After all, it isn’t someone else’s job to do that.

Pressuring other people to do it for you is unfair. You need to love yourself, not your parents, spouse, or kids. It is time to take responsibility for that now.

3. It Isn’t Selfish

They say in every flight that you have to put your own life mask on before helping another person. It isn’t selfish to do that because you will die before you can help someone who can’t help themselves. It is impractical — not heroic — to make yourself suffer while trying to be there for others.

Similarly, you need to love yourself first so that you can help anyone you want. Put yourself first, say no to draining circumstances, and make choices in your best interest.

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Although it sounds selfish, it is not bad at all.[2]

4. It Makes It Okay To Be Unloved By Others

When you love yourself, you live on another level, another vibe.

Some people won’t like that, and that is okay for you. It may be even good, considering you will see who cares for you, who is happy to see you happy, and who just wants you to be miserable.

When you prioritize yourself, you can see who matters and clear out all the toxic people in your life.

5. You Deserve It

All of your life, it may have been heavily implied that you aren’t supposed to love yourself.[3] You are supposed to help others first and only gain it as a result of your acts of service. As we have all experienced, love isn’t always equal.

Still, let us reiterate: you deserve to love yourself. You are a beautiful, caring, selfless human being, so why on earth would you deserve any less?

This article can nudge you further in the right direction: How to Love Yourself And Embrace Who You Really Are

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6. Why Not?

Are you afraid of being perceived narcissistic and reducing your likeability? That might happen, but wouldn’t it be better if you were around people who loved you for loving yourself?

You create your reality, so it is possible. There are no downsides to loving yourself. Even if something seems wrong, your life will be better for it.

7. You Can Inspire Someone

By taking up the chance to love yourself first, you can inspire other people to make that same change. Most people are just waiting for a leader to step up, take the scary steps, and show that it is safe.

This new way of living is okay and acceptable without suffering from a social setback. Come forward and say, “Hey, I love myself! It’s scary, but it’s okay. If I’m honest, it’s nice not to rely on other people to know my self-worth.”

Watch how many people will turn around and say, “You inspired me. I started my journey to self-love, and I couldn’t be more excited.”

To love yourself, you just need to give yourself permission to try, so set a positive example to someone else and do it now. Who knows, it might change their life.

8. It Can Only Improve Your Life

The thing about self-love is that it can improve your mental state. You can only feel better, more confident, more secure, and happier when you are in a better space. Once that happens, you can create a better life for others.

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Your life will be full of laughs. You will try new things because you won’t be afraid to fail and get out there and not care what people think of you. More importantly, you will live your life to the fullest and have the confidence and grit to go after your dreams. Here are more tips for you: 6 Ways to Show Yourself the Love You Truly Deserve

9. You Can Change the World

When you love yourself first, you can create real change.

You have that new confidence, bravery, and conviction to do it. You stop depending on someone else to give you all the emotional benefits that come with love.

As soon as you make that happen, greatness follows suit.

10. You Can Love Someone for Real

You can spend your life by giving love away, hoping to gain it in return, but life isn’t a business transaction. Some people just take, and you keep giving without realizing that it chips away at your own self-esteem and self-worth.

When you love yourself without expecting anything in return, you can love someone the way they deserve to be loved. After all, you have an endless source of it, and it can never deplete.

Bottom Line

If you want to replenish the ball of light in your chest and reconnect with an unlimited source of love, take a day off to do that. Find out who you are and be compassionate to yourself. Buy something nice, go to a spa, compliment yourself, and make other hard choices that are in your best interest. That’s the only way to reignite your light and love yourself.

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I hope that you take a moment to feel that love inside you after reading this. Love is beautiful, and you deserve to feel it all. It doesn’t make you a wrong person to want that.

More on Practicing Self-Love

Featured photo credit: Raychan via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Jade Nyx

Qualified Life Coach

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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