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Last Updated on November 27, 2020

10 Reasons Why You Should Love Yourself First

10 Reasons Why You Should Love Yourself First

Have you ever heard the expression, “You can’t help someone else until you help yourself”? The same idea applies to self-love. How can you love someone if you don’t love yourself first?

Try to visualize yourself with a ball of white light in your chest. It glows with pure love, especially when you are with family and friends.

When you want to express your affection to someone, you take a small piece of that light and hand it to that person. With every coffee you buy for a stranger, listen to a friend when they feel down, or lend them one of your favorite books, you are giving them a piece of your light. It is unlimited, so you need not do anything replenish it.

However, when you don’t love yourself, it depletes with every kindness and affection that you show to other people. This light eventually goes out, and you feel burnt out and exhausted. Once you become emotionally exhausted and unable to find the positive in anything, depression sinks in.

Here I’m sharing with you 10 reasons why you should love yourself first.

1. You Have To

Loving yourself first is essential if you want to be happy and live your life with no regrets.[1] You may have been holding back because you have been told you aren’t worth loving at some point. Thus, you’ve been bullying yourself about it ever since.

But that is the glass ceiling that this generation must break through immediately.

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You deserve to be loved. You are a wonderful human. Life on this planet is short; do you really want to waste it with self-loathing?

Hate only leads to hate, misery, and war. Do you want to be at war with yourself forever? Or do you want to be at peace and create new and amazing things?

You have a whole life waiting for you on the other side of all that.

2. It Is Your Responsibility

By taking self-love out of your control and leaving it in the hands of others, you can only ever be disappointed. After all, it isn’t someone else’s job to do that.

Pressuring other people to do it for you is unfair. You need to love yourself, not your parents, spouse, or kids. It is time to take responsibility for that now.

3. It Isn’t Selfish

They say in every flight that you have to put your own life mask on before helping another person. It isn’t selfish to do that because you will die before you can help someone who can’t help themselves. It is impractical — not heroic — to make yourself suffer while trying to be there for others.

Similarly, you need to love yourself first so that you can help anyone you want. Put yourself first, say no to draining circumstances, and make choices in your best interest.

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Although it sounds selfish, it is not bad at all.[2]

4. It Makes It Okay To Be Unloved By Others

When you love yourself, you live on another level, another vibe.

Some people won’t like that, and that is okay for you. It may be even good, considering you will see who cares for you, who is happy to see you happy, and who just wants you to be miserable.

When you prioritize yourself, you can see who matters and clear out all the toxic people in your life.

5. You Deserve It

All of your life, it may have been heavily implied that you aren’t supposed to love yourself.[3] You are supposed to help others first and only gain it as a result of your acts of service. As we have all experienced, love isn’t always equal.

Still, let us reiterate: you deserve to love yourself. You are a beautiful, caring, selfless human being, so why on earth would you deserve any less?

This article can nudge you further in the right direction: How to Love Yourself And Embrace Who You Really Are

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6. Why Not?

Are you afraid of being perceived narcissistic and reducing your likeability? That might happen, but wouldn’t it be better if you were around people who loved you for loving yourself?

You create your reality, so it is possible. There are no downsides to loving yourself. Even if something seems wrong, your life will be better for it.

7. You Can Inspire Someone

By taking up the chance to love yourself first, you can inspire other people to make that same change. Most people are just waiting for a leader to step up, take the scary steps, and show that it is safe.

This new way of living is okay and acceptable without suffering from a social setback. Come forward and say, “Hey, I love myself! It’s scary, but it’s okay. If I’m honest, it’s nice not to rely on other people to know my self-worth.”

Watch how many people will turn around and say, “You inspired me. I started my journey to self-love, and I couldn’t be more excited.”

To love yourself, you just need to give yourself permission to try, so set a positive example to someone else and do it now. Who knows, it might change their life.

8. It Can Only Improve Your Life

The thing about self-love is that it can improve your mental state. You can only feel better, more confident, more secure, and happier when you are in a better space. Once that happens, you can create a better life for others.

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Your life will be full of laughs. You will try new things because you won’t be afraid to fail and get out there and not care what people think of you. More importantly, you will live your life to the fullest and have the confidence and grit to go after your dreams. Here are more tips for you: 6 Ways to Show Yourself the Love You Truly Deserve

9. You Can Change the World

When you love yourself first, you can create real change.

You have that new confidence, bravery, and conviction to do it. You stop depending on someone else to give you all the emotional benefits that come with love.

As soon as you make that happen, greatness follows suit.

10. You Can Love Someone for Real

You can spend your life by giving love away, hoping to gain it in return, but life isn’t a business transaction. Some people just take, and you keep giving without realizing that it chips away at your own self-esteem and self-worth.

When you love yourself without expecting anything in return, you can love someone the way they deserve to be loved. After all, you have an endless source of it, and it can never deplete.

Bottom Line

If you want to replenish the ball of light in your chest and reconnect with an unlimited source of love, take a day off to do that. Find out who you are and be compassionate to yourself. Buy something nice, go to a spa, compliment yourself, and make other hard choices that are in your best interest. That’s the only way to reignite your light and love yourself.

I hope that you take a moment to feel that love inside you after reading this. Love is beautiful, and you deserve to feel it all. It doesn’t make you a wrong person to want that.

More on Practicing Self-Love

Featured photo credit: Raychan via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Jade Nyx

Qualified Life Coach

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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