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Love Yourself First, Or No One Else Will

Love Yourself First, Or No One Else Will

It’s natural to want to be loved by someone else, and to share your love with others. However, so many people are so eager to please those around them and to remain in a relationship at all costs that they lose sight of themselves and can barely muster up the energy required grant themselves approval, let alone love.

This is a tragedy as you must love yourself before loving another. Remember, no healthy person wants a co-dependent partner who relies on them for self-validation. Everyone, whether single or not, should aim to be comfortable with themselves and learn how to practice self-love. Read on for some inspiring quotes that will help you along your path to greater self-love.

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1. “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

Depending on other people for approval is a risky strategy. Sure, when others gift us with love and approval it can seem easy to power through all of life’s challenges. However, if and when this approval is withdrawn (as it may be for many reasons), your self-esteem and drive will evaporate unless you can fall back upon self-love. Set your own goals and prove to yourself that you can meet them without approval or input from outside sources.

2. “Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” – Parker Palmer

If you lead a busy life, putting everyone else’s needs before your own can become a regular habit. However, if you don’t tend to your basic needs (relaxation, exercise, time alone, a good diet, time for fun), you will end up resenting others around you. This robs you of the opportunity to not only love yourself, but to form healthy relationships with others. Work out what you need to be happy, and concentrate on meeting them on your own terms.

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3. “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

Even if you are in a relationship, without self-love you will struggle to appreciate compliments and praise give to you by your partner. This is because those who do not love themselves typically have a poor self-image, and so will not believe that others could think well of them. Being single is a great time in which to develop feelings of true self-love. If and when someone comes along with whom you can share your life, their approval will simply be an additional source of happiness.

4. “Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm S. Forbes

When was the last time you sat down and took an honest look at your best points and finest qualities? If you over-value what other people have, you risk losing sight of your own qualities and as a result, not living up to your full potential. Remind yourself on a regular basis what it is you are good at.

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5. “Our self-respect tracks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn our respect. It is that simple. Every choice matters.” – Dan Coppersmith

To truly love yourself, you must understand who you truly are. Be sure to spend quality ‘alone time’ on a regular basis. Discover and honour your own interests and hobbies. This way, you will never lose yourself when in a relationship with someone else. Take pride in who you are.

6. “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise L. Hay

It’s easy to assume that self-criticism will spur us on to make improvements. In reality, this isn’t how it works Instead, self-criticism leads to an increase in negative energy, which brings you down and makes it less, not more, likely that you will make forward strides. Practice praising yourself for positive actions, and speaking to yourself gently in the face of disappointment.

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7. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

It is a sad fact of life that wherever you go, you will meet others who try to put you down, either via direct insults or subtler means such as comparisons or snide comments. However, you have a choice. You can choose to take their words to heart, or you choose to discard their opinions as the unwelcome ramblings of one individual who doesn’t get to pass judgement on you.

Once you have mastered the art of self-love, you will become unstoppable. When you love yourself, the approval of others becomes a nice extra, rather than a necessity. You will never lose out by treating yourself better, so make loving yourself a primary life goal.

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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