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10 Superpowers You Gain As You Learn To Love Yourself

10 Superpowers You Gain As You Learn To Love Yourself

So, you aren’t perfect, and you have flaws. Do you realize that seven billion other humans fit this same description?

You must find a way to love yourself: mistakes, regrets, weaknesses, and all. You are valuable and important, and to be happy you must discover a path that leads you to love yourself.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Love Yourself

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Abraham Lincoln In confident pose. You must learn to love yourself as  well.

    Abraham Lincoln learned to love himself in spite of repeated failures.

    Even genius historical figures like Abraham Lincoln moved past failures to accomplish the extraordinary. Lincoln as an entrepreneur drove several businesses into the ground. He even claimed bankruptcy twice and was severely beaten in more than 25 campaigns for elected positions. His heroism and genius obviously were not hampered by his failures.

    Lincoln came to a point where he accepted who he was.

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    What Self-Love Means

    Perfection is not necessary to love yourself or to achieve success, although most of you expect it of yourselves. Psychology Today explains that:

    Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic.

    You grow to love yourself by behaving in positive ways that help you physically, psychologically, and spiritually. You can’t let failure or imperfection keep you from growing love for yourself.

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    This is a complicated psychological skill that you absolutely have to master through practice: loving yourself, without exceptions or qualifications.

    Superpowers Develop As You Love Yourself

    When you learn to love yourself, life will improve dramatically. Oh, you won’t be perfect or flawless, but you will acquire “superpowers” that will make your weaknesses trivial. Self-love empowers you with the mental toughness to accomplish your dreams and conquer any obstacles.

    As you begin to love yourself, your life falls into place, and you design your life around events that make you healthy and happy. The 10 superpowers below build on each other and create a new you:

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    1. Using mindful practices such as meditation, you accept yourself and you value your existence. Exercises and activities where you care for your body and mind help you to love yourself. They also provide additional mental and physical health benefits such as reduced stress and increased stamina. Mindfulness means that you are conscious of the present moment, and you love yourself, regardless of the chaos that might surround you.
    2. With mindfulness, you begin to care about and satisfy your physical, psychological, and spiritual needs. You will take better care of yourself, finding health and peace. This increases your capacity to succeed in your environment at home and work. Your needs are met, so you are able to work efficiently.
    3. As you work and give to others, you develop respect for yourself as a valuable individual within a community. You see the interconnected relationships that you have with other people. Both independent and cultural respect are important to progress. You see yourself as a great person who has a lot to offer a community that you value.
    4. These changes push you toward the growth and maturity that are necessary to be a healthy, functioning adult. Think about all you have gained: all the superpowers that make you stronger, powerful. You find yourself taking on new and challenging tasks and pushing yourself to develop the talents you possess.
    5. With maturity comes competence, which means that you increase your capacity to accomplish difficult tasks. Your respect, maturity, and love increase your potential to perform beyond what you thought possible. You are able to do more, and perform better than in the past. The tasks are not easier, but your ability to perform competently is empowered.
    6. As you prove to yourself that you can act competently in the world, you acquire self-confidence, a knowledge that you can handle whatever obstacles you might confront. Confidence enables you to encounter greater independence and the power to act.
    7. Competence and self-confidence make security for you and your loved ones possible, a necessity for a happy adult life. You feel secure as a human being, and you know that you can provide for your family.
    8. You have moved to an advanced level of human development where you can feel empathy for other human beings in your community and the world. This is a tremendous power to sense and feel the emotions of others. You further connect with the people around you because you understand them better.
    9. When you feel the emotions that others experience, their pain and pleasure, you learn how to love someone else. Empathy draws you close to people, making it possibly to truly know them. You love other people because you care about their emotional wellbeing and happiness. You are now looking outside yourself to other people, an essential step.
    10. Directing your love from your center outward to the world, you find the secret that all humans search for. Loving and serving other people gives you fulfillment and makes happiness possible. You act out of love for yourself and others, and at this point you can accomplish anything you desire.

    Awesome superpowers, right? They are well worth the effort.

    A Tedx Talk by Gala Darling titled Radical Self Love shows what is at stake in loving yourself, especially for women. Darling vividly describes the superpowers of self-love that can conquer depression and hopelessness.

    Darling’s radical self-love illustrates how desperately you need to learn to love yourself. Happiness arises from consistently loving yourself, unleashing your full potential for Lincoln-like genius and innovation. Humans possess no greater power.

    You can do this. You were made for it.

    Before you go, what are some strategies that you use to show love toward yourself? Do you find loving yourself challenging? I will respond to your comments, and I will appreciate them very much. Good luck in your pursuit of love.

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    Published on April 7, 2021

    6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

    6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

    Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

    While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

    1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

    Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

    If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

    In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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    2. They Make Everything Transactional

    Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

    For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

    Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

    A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

    Some statements to be wary of include:

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    • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
    • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
    • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
    • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

    3. They Criticize Everything

    One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

    However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

    Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

    • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
    • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
    • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
    • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

    4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

    We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

    For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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    This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

    5. They Socially Isolate You

    Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

    Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

    This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

    In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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    6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

    It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

    Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

    Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

    • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
    • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
    • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
    • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

    Final Thoughts

    It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

    More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

    Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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