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6 Ways to Show Yourself the Love You Truly Deserve

6 Ways to Show Yourself the Love You Truly Deserve

Do you ever feel like you’re unworthy of love? You don’t need to lose weight, become a less angry person, or finish your degree to deserve love. You deserve love now exactly as you are right now. Period.

It’s time to fall in love with the beautiful miraculous creature you are. Love is not just a feeling, it is also a verb…an action you take, something you show. Here are six steps to show yourself once and for all how worthy you are of love!

1. Surprise yourself and find out how wonderful you really are

We are ourselves every single day. We have no idea what it’s like to be the person looking at us, talking with us, depending on us.

Curious to know more? Ask a few of your closest friends or family to write down what they really value about you.This does not mean you should depend on outside opinions, or lead your life to please others. But why not draw on that deep resource of those who know you best?

You may be surprised of how you touch and inspire others by just being you. You matter more than you can possibly know.

2. Stare into the mirror of the past and the present

Once we were all innocent, beautiful children, free of the burdens of our mistakes or guilt. Free of stress and worry.

Get out old pictures of yourself, spanning a period of years. You may choose the ages of 5, 12 and 18 for example. Really look at each picture for five minutes. Look into your eyes. Look at your face. Are you smiling or showing any other emotion?

Look at the child you once were with softness, the same way you look at any other child you love. Let your energy connect with the spirit you witness in the photos. Journal any feelings that you have about each picture. Now take the photos into the bathroom, and place them on the counter top in front of you. Lean forward and look into your eyes in the mirror with the same soft love you just gave to yourself as a child.

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You are the same exact person. You deserve the same love, peace and acceptance. Give it to yourself now, freely without needing to be anything other than who you are right now in this exact moment.

love yourself candy

    3. Go on a special date with yourself

    A day long date is what you need. Spend one whole day with yourself. Be utterly selfish for one day. Do only things you desire and which benefit only you.

    How do you show loved ones that you value them? You spend time with them. The only way to truly reconnect with yourself and get comfortable with who you are at your core is to spend time with yourself.

    This needs to be alone time. We are not always our 100% true selves around others. This is a chance to set aside any masks and observe your thoughts, feelings, desires.

    You make others feel important by investing your time in them. Give yourself the same.

    That does not mean clean the house. It doesn’t mean go out with friends. Set aside one entire day to follow your whimsy as it comes to you. It may start a little slow at first, and that’s fine. It will come to you. You may end up sleeping or reading in bed until noon. Or maybe it will end with pizza and wine during a bubble bath. Browsing a bookstore for hours. Sitting outside in the park people watching.

    Anything your heart desires as long as it happens alone, and for yourself only.

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    Be selfish today. Tomorrow will come soon enough, and you can go back to doing whatever needs to be done for others. Today is for you! Fully immerse and enjoy.

    4. Revisit your life-changing triumphs

    Take some time to journal the major triumphs you’ve had in life so far. This is not a list of your resume accomplishments that you use to get a job or to impress people. Those are glories that fade.

    Let’s go deep.

    Make a list of your most difficult struggles you have faced. Did you overcome a rough childhood? Make it through a divorce, or an abusive relationship? Put yourself through school? Care for an aging parent?

    What has life dealt you that required significant grit and grace to overcome? How did that change and form you into the person you see in the mirror? At the time you went through these life turning challenges you probably felt alone, unloved and like the world was coming down upon you.

    But, when we look at these events in the rear view mirror we can see now that they formed us into more compassionate loving souls than before the struggle. The most beautiful generous people we know have often endured great tragedy that shaped them into who they are now.

    Take a few minutes to look over what you wrote down. Aren’t you amazed what you’ve made it through? I bet. Feel good about what you’ve faced down, and grown stronger from. You are stronger than you realize.

    5. Change your perspective 180 degrees

    We all have that voice in our heads that puts us down. Tells us things we wouldn’t be cruel enough to say to a stranger. Turn that voice around for a moment. Instead of pushing these thoughts away, take a new look. What is the positive side?

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    Are you shy and uncomfortable in groups? Introverts are some of our most progressive thought leaders, and have empathy to the max. Are you a sucker for anyone who needs something? That generosity is a rare gem to be found. Are you the picture of messy disorganization? That lack of structure leads to greater creativity.

    Each aspect that voice has been putting you down for brings the world and you some positives as well. Take a different perspective and go easier on the self-judgment.

    Get sassy and talk right back to that voice.

    love yourself passion 2

      6. Play with your passions

      What are you passionate about?

      Notice I didn’t say what are you are good at. Just because you are good at something does not mean it brings you joy. A passion brings joy to you at your soul level. Very few of us are living aligned with our passions.

      What do you love to do that you have lost touch with? What do you know you love that you maybe even hide from others? What did you want to be when you were a child?

      When was the last time you were jumping out of your shoes excited for the day ahead? Excitement is the compass we use to seek out our passions. Do you have dreams that you are going to work on “someday”? Do more of what you love today. What are you waiting for? Why not move one small step at a time in the direction of what you love to do?

      Most of us could win a Ninja Warrior competition if the event was self-sabotage. We know we have dreams and then put them aside. Instead of side-steping your passions step into them. Dream of opening a bakery? Then start testing new recipes on your friends and family, and taking notes.

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      If you could do anything you wanted everyday what would it be? Add more of that to your life and you’ll feel more alive and at ease with yourself. Follow your heart more and your head less.

      Life isn’t about arriving or achieving at one certain spot called “someday”, it’s about enjoying our passions now as we grow ourselves along with our dreams. You don’t need permission to explore what you love.

      Don’t wait. Begin this new relationship with YOU right now.

      Excited to get started? Nervous to ask for insight from those close to you? Maybe the mirror exercise sounds too “out there” for your taste?

      But, here’s the thing….if you want to feel different, think different….then you will have to do something different.

      These exercises are designed to take you somewhere sparkling new in your thoughts and feelings towards yourself. To think differently, and to attain a new perspective that leads to growth.

      Get in touch with and soften your love of yourself more than ever before.

      Speak to yourself with the kindness you use for others. Get 100% on your own team! Support yourself with a gentle love and watch yourself soar higher than you ever thought possible.

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      1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

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      Last Updated on May 21, 2019

      How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

      How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

      For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

      If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

      Example 1

      You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

      You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

      In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

      Example 2

      You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

      People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

      You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

      Example 3

      You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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      The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

      Example 4

      You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

      Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

      If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

      Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

      • Understand your own communication style
      • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
      • Communicate with precision and care
      • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

      1. Understand Your Communication Style

      To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

      In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

      Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

      2. Learn Others Communication Styles

      Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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      If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

      “How do you prefer to receive information?”

      This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

      To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

      3. Exercise Precision and Care

      A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

      On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

      Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

      I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

      I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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      In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

      The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

      Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

      4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

      Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

      In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

      “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

      Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

      Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

      It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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      It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

      It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

      Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

      Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

      The Bottom Line

      When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

      I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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      Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

      Reference

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