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6 Ways to Show Yourself the Love You Truly Deserve

6 Ways to Show Yourself the Love You Truly Deserve
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Do you ever feel like you’re unworthy of love? You don’t need to lose weight, become a less angry person, or finish your degree to deserve love. You deserve love now exactly as you are right now. Period.

It’s time to fall in love with the beautiful miraculous creature you are. Love is not just a feeling, it is also a verb…an action you take, something you show. Here are six steps to show yourself once and for all how worthy you are of love!

1. Surprise yourself and find out how wonderful you really are

We are ourselves every single day. We have no idea what it’s like to be the person looking at us, talking with us, depending on us.

Curious to know more? Ask a few of your closest friends or family to write down what they really value about you.This does not mean you should depend on outside opinions, or lead your life to please others. But why not draw on that deep resource of those who know you best?

You may be surprised of how you touch and inspire others by just being you. You matter more than you can possibly know.

2. Stare into the mirror of the past and the present

Once we were all innocent, beautiful children, free of the burdens of our mistakes or guilt. Free of stress and worry.

Get out old pictures of yourself, spanning a period of years. You may choose the ages of 5, 12 and 18 for example. Really look at each picture for five minutes. Look into your eyes. Look at your face. Are you smiling or showing any other emotion?

Look at the child you once were with softness, the same way you look at any other child you love. Let your energy connect with the spirit you witness in the photos. Journal any feelings that you have about each picture. Now take the photos into the bathroom, and place them on the counter top in front of you. Lean forward and look into your eyes in the mirror with the same soft love you just gave to yourself as a child.

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You are the same exact person. You deserve the same love, peace and acceptance. Give it to yourself now, freely without needing to be anything other than who you are right now in this exact moment.

love yourself candy

    3. Go on a special date with yourself

    A day long date is what you need. Spend one whole day with yourself. Be utterly selfish for one day. Do only things you desire and which benefit only you.

    How do you show loved ones that you value them? You spend time with them. The only way to truly reconnect with yourself and get comfortable with who you are at your core is to spend time with yourself.

    This needs to be alone time. We are not always our 100% true selves around others. This is a chance to set aside any masks and observe your thoughts, feelings, desires.

    You make others feel important by investing your time in them. Give yourself the same.

    That does not mean clean the house. It doesn’t mean go out with friends. Set aside one entire day to follow your whimsy as it comes to you. It may start a little slow at first, and that’s fine. It will come to you. You may end up sleeping or reading in bed until noon. Or maybe it will end with pizza and wine during a bubble bath. Browsing a bookstore for hours. Sitting outside in the park people watching.

    Anything your heart desires as long as it happens alone, and for yourself only.

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    Be selfish today. Tomorrow will come soon enough, and you can go back to doing whatever needs to be done for others. Today is for you! Fully immerse and enjoy.

    4. Revisit your life-changing triumphs

    Take some time to journal the major triumphs you’ve had in life so far. This is not a list of your resume accomplishments that you use to get a job or to impress people. Those are glories that fade.

    Let’s go deep.

    Make a list of your most difficult struggles you have faced. Did you overcome a rough childhood? Make it through a divorce, or an abusive relationship? Put yourself through school? Care for an aging parent?

    What has life dealt you that required significant grit and grace to overcome? How did that change and form you into the person you see in the mirror? At the time you went through these life turning challenges you probably felt alone, unloved and like the world was coming down upon you.

    But, when we look at these events in the rear view mirror we can see now that they formed us into more compassionate loving souls than before the struggle. The most beautiful generous people we know have often endured great tragedy that shaped them into who they are now.

    Take a few minutes to look over what you wrote down. Aren’t you amazed what you’ve made it through? I bet. Feel good about what you’ve faced down, and grown stronger from. You are stronger than you realize.

    5. Change your perspective 180 degrees

    We all have that voice in our heads that puts us down. Tells us things we wouldn’t be cruel enough to say to a stranger. Turn that voice around for a moment. Instead of pushing these thoughts away, take a new look. What is the positive side?

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    Are you shy and uncomfortable in groups? Introverts are some of our most progressive thought leaders, and have empathy to the max. Are you a sucker for anyone who needs something? That generosity is a rare gem to be found. Are you the picture of messy disorganization? That lack of structure leads to greater creativity.

    Each aspect that voice has been putting you down for brings the world and you some positives as well. Take a different perspective and go easier on the self-judgment.

    Get sassy and talk right back to that voice.

    love yourself passion 2

      6. Play with your passions

      What are you passionate about?

      Notice I didn’t say what are you are good at. Just because you are good at something does not mean it brings you joy. A passion brings joy to you at your soul level. Very few of us are living aligned with our passions.

      What do you love to do that you have lost touch with? What do you know you love that you maybe even hide from others? What did you want to be when you were a child?

      When was the last time you were jumping out of your shoes excited for the day ahead? Excitement is the compass we use to seek out our passions. Do you have dreams that you are going to work on “someday”? Do more of what you love today. What are you waiting for? Why not move one small step at a time in the direction of what you love to do?

      Most of us could win a Ninja Warrior competition if the event was self-sabotage. We know we have dreams and then put them aside. Instead of side-steping your passions step into them. Dream of opening a bakery? Then start testing new recipes on your friends and family, and taking notes.

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      If you could do anything you wanted everyday what would it be? Add more of that to your life and you’ll feel more alive and at ease with yourself. Follow your heart more and your head less.

      Life isn’t about arriving or achieving at one certain spot called “someday”, it’s about enjoying our passions now as we grow ourselves along with our dreams. You don’t need permission to explore what you love.

      Don’t wait. Begin this new relationship with YOU right now.

      Excited to get started? Nervous to ask for insight from those close to you? Maybe the mirror exercise sounds too “out there” for your taste?

      But, here’s the thing….if you want to feel different, think different….then you will have to do something different.

      These exercises are designed to take you somewhere sparkling new in your thoughts and feelings towards yourself. To think differently, and to attain a new perspective that leads to growth.

      Get in touch with and soften your love of yourself more than ever before.

      Speak to yourself with the kindness you use for others. Get 100% on your own team! Support yourself with a gentle love and watch yourself soar higher than you ever thought possible.

      More by this author

      Dawn Hafner

      Dawn is a Practical Life Coach who offers concrete tools to help people implement life changes.

      When You Start to Let Go of Your Past, These 10 Things Will Happen 6 Ways to Show Yourself the Love You Truly Deserve 5 Truths About Abusive Relationships 10 Things About Love Only Introverts Would Understand 20 Really Cute Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For Your Special One

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      Last Updated on July 20, 2021

      How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

      How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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      You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

      Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

      Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

      Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

      1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

      According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

      “Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

      Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

      Warming up

      If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

      If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

      Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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      1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
      2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
      3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

      Stay hydrated

      Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

      To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

      Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

      Meditate

      Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

      Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

      Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

      Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

      2. Focus on your goal

      One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

      Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

      Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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      Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

      If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

      3. Convert negativity to positivity

      There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

      ‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

      It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

      Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

      Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

      Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

      4. Understand your content

      Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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      However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

      “No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

      Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

      Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

      One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

      5. Practice makes perfect

      Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

      In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

      Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

      6. Be authentic

      There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

      Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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      Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

      To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

      With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

      Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

      7. Post speech evaluation

      Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

      Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

      We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

      You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

      Improve your next speech

      As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

      Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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      • How did I do?
      • Are there any areas for improvement?
      • Did I sound or look stressed?
      • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
      • Was I saying “um” too often?
      • How was the flow of the speech?

      Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

      If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

      Reference

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