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3 Things To Give Up If You Want To Take Control Of Your Life

3 Things To Give Up If You Want To Take Control Of Your Life

One of the great joys in life is the unexpected. Sometimes people and opportunities come our way and it’s up to us to make the most of them. However, to really get the most from life and live on your own terms, it’s important to consciously take control of your destiny. There is no feeling so satisfying as knowing that you have chosen your own path in life and are living in accordance with your values.

How, exactly, should you start learning to steer your own course? Here are 3 things you need to give up immediately if you want to regain control:

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1. Give Up Relying On Someone Else’s Love

When you rely on other people to love and approve of you in order to feel good, you are handing over your power. In effect, you are telling yourself that your own love and self-validation isn’t sufficient, and you need the affection of others to feel ‘OK.’ This is not living from a position of self-control. When you stop depending on someone else’s approval, you are taking back your personal autonomy and giving yourself the ability to dictate whether or not you are an ‘OK’ person. (Hint: You are totally okay, regardless of whatever anyone else thinks.)

When you let go of your dependency on someone else, it empowers you to think about what you want from life and from your relationships. When you know that you are just fine on your own, you are firmly in control. You put yourself in the position to choose who and what you add to your life, secure in the knowledge that you always have your self-love to sustain you.

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2. Give Up Your Unrealistic Expectations

Are you a workaholic who holds yourself to impossibly high standards? Perhaps you strive to be the very best at everything you do? Do you have daydreams or fantasies in which you magically succeed at everything you attempt? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve your skills and learn new things. Challenging yourself can add a great deal of excitement and enjoyment to your life. However, holding yourself to unhealthily high standards is an example of rigid, out-of-control thinking. You start telling yourself things like, “If I cannot be the best at this, there’s no point in trying,” and, “If I don’t pick up this skill quickly, I shouldn’t even bother.”

These kinds of thoughts are not going to help you feel in control of your life. Instead, you will feel at the mercy of your perfectionist nature. Try to appreciate the experience of trying new activities and skills regardless of whether you excel at them or not.

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3. Give Up Blaming Yourself For What You’ve Done Wrong

Everyone makes mistakes. It’s a simple fact. Even the people you admire most have screwed up many times over the course of their lives. In order to make progress in life, you must take risks, and with risk comes the possibility of failure. Unfortunately, it’s easy to ruminate on what went wrong, and what you should or could have done differently. If you want to regain control over your life and be able to look forward to the future with a positive outlook, you must stop beating yourself up for past mistakes. Ask yourself what you can learn from the past, and then make a conscious effort to look to the future.

Conclusion

It’s not easy to take control of your life, that’s why so many of us are stuck in the same old patterns of co-dependency, unrealistic self-expectations, and pointless regret. However, making a conscious decision to live in a new way is the first step to regaining a sense of self-value and self-mastery.

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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