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5 Behaviors That Could Be Killing Your Confidence and How to Avoid Them

5 Behaviors That Could Be Killing Your Confidence and How to Avoid Them

We all know what an advantage it is to be confident and how having self-confidence can make a huge difference in your professional, social, and personal life. Most of us have heard of some easy practices to help increase confidence, but it’s equally important to make sure you’re not unknowingly doing things that undermine your confidence.

Here are 5 behaviors that could be killing your confidence and how you can avoid them.

1. Seeking Approval From Everyone

Truly confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet. They understand that not everyone is going to agree with them, and that’s okay. Instead, they focus more on building quality relationships with the people they respect and value, rather than focusing on winning over every person they meet.

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Don’t let the opinions of the masses (or those whom you don’t value) define who you are or what you can and can’t do in life. It may outrage some of the people around you, but by letting go of the need to impress everyone, you will begin to truly impress those who actually matter to your future. When the important people in your life truly have your back, you’ll feel way more confident where it counts.

2. Focusing More On the Obstacle Than the Solution

Life is full of obstacles, with everything from learning to ride a bike to building your first company. Every obstacle is an opportunity to grow as a person. Personal growth on a consistent basis is what generates the kind of confidence that lasts. However, challenges can often send us spiraling into doubts and worries, as you imagine all the worst possible outcomes and become paralyzed. For instance, when a relationship is challenged, some people will often immediately assume that their partner is losing interest in them. Sadly, this often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You have a choice. You can choose to focus all of your attention on the problem, which gets you nowhere, or you can choose to acknowledge the problem and then quickly move to finding a solution.

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Confident people spend the majority of their time focused on finding a solution. They don’t spend time torturing themselves with the thought that their partner is withdrawing and their relationship is over. Instead, they take action in the direction in which they wish to go, even if they can’t see all the pieces falling into place yet.

3. Getting Caught Up in Needless Drama

We all love a bit of drama. That’s why movies and reality TV shows can be so captivating. They catch our attention and allow us to clarify our values. However, some people really love drama, so much so that they create it in their lives for the sake of non-stop excitement. Don’t buy into their propaganda that sustains it. Unnecessary and ongoing drama in your life leads to more stress, and stress kills confidence. Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.

Imagine if you spent all of your time each day directing your energy towards your most positive possibilities and solutions to real problems. How much happier would you feel? Instead of getting angry, get curious. Instead of getting annoyed, be amused. Replace envy with admiration. Don’t spend your precious time caught up in negativity.

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Instead, count your blessings, value the people who matter most in your life, bless and release the haters, and rise above the petty drama with your head held high and your focus on how to create a better life for you and for others.

4. Interpreting Failure as a Reflection of Your Worth

One thing is certain: successful and unsuccessful people differ in the way that they view failure.

Successful people understand that failure is simply part of the learning process. Every time they figure out a wrong way to do something, they get one step closer to discovering the right way of doing it. It’s a matter of perception. On the other hand, unsuccessful people tend to take failure personally. They see failure as a reflection of their worth. Furthermore, they think that when they fail it also proves that they are a “failure” in life.

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Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times while inventing the light bulb before he got it to work. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team and is quoted as saying, “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed.”

So, the next time you fail at something, before you start beating yourself up about it, take a moment and remember that failure is simply part of the growth process. Persistence and positivity pays off.

5. Hiding From New Life Experiences

It’s so easy to get stuck in a weekly routine, doing the same things, watching the same shows, eating the same foods. This may keep you feeling comfortable, but it could be killing your confidence.

Just as in nature, if you’re not growing you’re dying. Get out into the world and explore. Meet new people and travel. Do something that kind of scares you. New positive experiences in life will keep you feeling on-fire and excited about your future,

Because you will feel alive in new ways (as well as feeling that you are expanding your resources, your experiences, and your wisdom), you will fuel your self-confidence every day of your life.

More by this author

Nick Bastion

Love Expert, Relationship Coach, Author

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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