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5 Behaviors That Could Be Killing Your Confidence and How to Avoid Them

5 Behaviors That Could Be Killing Your Confidence and How to Avoid Them

We all know what an advantage it is to be confident and how having self-confidence can make a huge difference in your professional, social, and personal life. Most of us have heard of some easy practices to help increase confidence, but it’s equally important to make sure you’re not unknowingly doing things that undermine your confidence.

Here are 5 behaviors that could be killing your confidence and how you can avoid them.

1. Seeking Approval From Everyone

Truly confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet. They understand that not everyone is going to agree with them, and that’s okay. Instead, they focus more on building quality relationships with the people they respect and value, rather than focusing on winning over every person they meet.

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Don’t let the opinions of the masses (or those whom you don’t value) define who you are or what you can and can’t do in life. It may outrage some of the people around you, but by letting go of the need to impress everyone, you will begin to truly impress those who actually matter to your future. When the important people in your life truly have your back, you’ll feel way more confident where it counts.

2. Focusing More On the Obstacle Than the Solution

Life is full of obstacles, with everything from learning to ride a bike to building your first company. Every obstacle is an opportunity to grow as a person. Personal growth on a consistent basis is what generates the kind of confidence that lasts. However, challenges can often send us spiraling into doubts and worries, as you imagine all the worst possible outcomes and become paralyzed. For instance, when a relationship is challenged, some people will often immediately assume that their partner is losing interest in them. Sadly, this often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You have a choice. You can choose to focus all of your attention on the problem, which gets you nowhere, or you can choose to acknowledge the problem and then quickly move to finding a solution.

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Confident people spend the majority of their time focused on finding a solution. They don’t spend time torturing themselves with the thought that their partner is withdrawing and their relationship is over. Instead, they take action in the direction in which they wish to go, even if they can’t see all the pieces falling into place yet.

3. Getting Caught Up in Needless Drama

We all love a bit of drama. That’s why movies and reality TV shows can be so captivating. They catch our attention and allow us to clarify our values. However, some people really love drama, so much so that they create it in their lives for the sake of non-stop excitement. Don’t buy into their propaganda that sustains it. Unnecessary and ongoing drama in your life leads to more stress, and stress kills confidence. Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.

Imagine if you spent all of your time each day directing your energy towards your most positive possibilities and solutions to real problems. How much happier would you feel? Instead of getting angry, get curious. Instead of getting annoyed, be amused. Replace envy with admiration. Don’t spend your precious time caught up in negativity.

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Instead, count your blessings, value the people who matter most in your life, bless and release the haters, and rise above the petty drama with your head held high and your focus on how to create a better life for you and for others.

4. Interpreting Failure as a Reflection of Your Worth

One thing is certain: successful and unsuccessful people differ in the way that they view failure.

Successful people understand that failure is simply part of the learning process. Every time they figure out a wrong way to do something, they get one step closer to discovering the right way of doing it. It’s a matter of perception. On the other hand, unsuccessful people tend to take failure personally. They see failure as a reflection of their worth. Furthermore, they think that when they fail it also proves that they are a “failure” in life.

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Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times while inventing the light bulb before he got it to work. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team and is quoted as saying, “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed.”

So, the next time you fail at something, before you start beating yourself up about it, take a moment and remember that failure is simply part of the growth process. Persistence and positivity pays off.

5. Hiding From New Life Experiences

It’s so easy to get stuck in a weekly routine, doing the same things, watching the same shows, eating the same foods. This may keep you feeling comfortable, but it could be killing your confidence.

Just as in nature, if you’re not growing you’re dying. Get out into the world and explore. Meet new people and travel. Do something that kind of scares you. New positive experiences in life will keep you feeling on-fire and excited about your future,

Because you will feel alive in new ways (as well as feeling that you are expanding your resources, your experiences, and your wisdom), you will fuel your self-confidence every day of your life.

More by this author

Nick Bastion

Love Expert, Relationship Coach, Author

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Last Updated on March 13, 2019

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

Have you gotten into a rut before? Or are you in a rut right now?

You know you’re in a rut when you run out of ideas and inspiration. I personally see a rut as a productivity vacuum. It might very well be a reason why you aren’t getting results. Even as you spend more time on your work, you can’t seem to get anything constructive done. While I’m normally productive, I get into occasional ruts (especially when I’ve been working back-to-back without rest). During those times, I can spend an entire day in front of the computer and get nothing done. It can be quite frustrating.

Over time, I have tried and found several methods that are helpful to pull me out of a rut. If you experience ruts too, whether as a working professional, a writer, a blogger, a student or other work, you will find these useful. Here are 12 of my personal tips to get out of ruts:

1. Work on the small tasks.

When you are in a rut, tackle it by starting small. Clear away your smaller tasks which have been piling up. Reply to your emails, organize your documents, declutter your work space, and reply to private messages.

Whenever I finish doing that, I generate a positive momentum which I bring forward to my work.

2. Take a break from your work desk.

Get yourself away from your desk and go take a walk. Go to the washroom, walk around the office, go out and get a snack.

Your mind is too bogged down and needs some airing. Sometimes I get new ideas right after I walk away from my computer.

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3. Upgrade yourself

Take the down time to upgrade yourself. Go to a seminar. Read up on new materials (#7). Pick up a new language. Or any of the 42 ways here to improve yourself.

The modern computer uses different typefaces because Steve Jobs dropped in on a calligraphy class back in college. How’s that for inspiration?

4. Talk to a friend.

Talk to someone and get your mind off work for a while.

Talk about anything, from casual chatting to a deep conversation about something you really care about. You will be surprised at how the short encounter can be rejuvenating in its own way.

5. Forget about trying to be perfect.

If you are in a rut, the last thing you want to do is step on your own toes with perfectionist tendencies.

Just start small. Do what you can, at your own pace. Let yourself make mistakes.

Soon, a little trickle of inspiration will come. And then it’ll build up with more trickles. Before you know it, you have a whole stream of ideas.

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6. Paint a vision to work towards.

If you are continuously getting in a rut with your work, maybe there’s no vision inspiring you to move forward.

Think about why you are doing this, and what you are doing it for. What is the end vision in mind?

Make it as vivid as possible. Make sure it’s a vision that inspires you and use that to trigger you to action.

7. Read a book (or blog).

The things we read are like food to our brain. If you are out of ideas, it’s time to feed your brain with great materials.

Here’s a list of 40 books you can start off with. Stock your browser with only the feeds of high quality blogs, such as Lifehack.org, DumbLittleMan, Seth Godin’s Blog, Tim Ferris’ Blog, Zen Habits or The Personal Excellence Blog.

Check out the best selling books; those are generally packed with great wisdom.

8. Have a quick nap.

If you are at home, take a quick nap for about 20-30 minutes. This clears up your mind and gives you a quick boost. Nothing quite like starting off on a fresh start after catching up on sleep.

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9. Remember why you are doing this.

Sometimes we lose sight of why we do what we do, and after a while we become jaded. A quick refresher on why you even started on this project will help.

What were you thinking when you thought of doing this? Retrace your thoughts back to that moment. Recall why you are doing this. Then reconnect with your muse.

10. Find some competition.

Nothing quite like healthy competition to spur us forward. If you are out of ideas, then check up on what people are doing in your space.

Colleagues at work, competitors in the industry, competitors’ products and websites, networking conventions.. you get the drill.

11. Go exercise.

Since you are not making headway at work, might as well spend the time shaping yourself up.

Sometimes we work so much that we neglect our health and fitness. Go jog, swim, cycle, whichever exercise you prefer.

As you improve your physical health, your mental health will improve, too. The different facets of ourselves are all interlinked.

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Here’re 15 Tips to Restart the Exercise Habit (and How to Keep It).

12. Take a good break.

Ruts are usually signs that you have been working too long and too hard. It’s time to get a break.

Beyond the quick tips above, arrange for a 1-day or 2-days of break from your work. Don’t check your (work) emails or do anything work-related. Relax and do your favorite activities. You will return to your work recharged and ready to start.

Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end from taking a break from your work. In fact, you will be much more ready to make an impact after proper rest. My best ideas and inspiration always hit me whenever I’m away from my work.

Take a look at this to learn the importance of rest: The Importance of Scheduling Downtime

More Resources About Getting out of a Rut

Featured photo credit: Joshua Earle via unsplash.com

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