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How To Tame Negative Self Talk In Your Mind

How To Tame Negative Self Talk In Your Mind

Have you ever been plagued by negative self talk or doubt? Perhaps you have refrained from applying for a job as you believe that you are under-qualified for it, opting instead of pursuing more modest opportunities. This is a clear reflection of low self-esteem, while it also highlights the role that our thought processes play in creating our own reality.

This was also explored by an interesting study from 2013, which showed that women who had a poor body image and considered themselves to be fat often squeezed sideways through doorways, despite the fact that they were relatively slim and had ample room to move through.

How to Tame Negative self talk

While defining the problem is easy, however, resolving it is far more difficult. It is important to resist the urge to eliminate self-talk (which can also be used for positive affirmation), and instead understand how this can be controlled and used to influence our outlook for the better. Here are some steps towards achieving this:

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1. Use ‘You’ or your name to create distance and objectivity

One of the main issues with self talk is the use of the pronoun ‘I’, as this creates subjectivity and touches innumerable emotional triggers. It is far better to use your own name or ‘you’ in this instance, as it instantly establishes a sense of distance while enabling you to provide more objective and constructive self-advice. This underlines the subtle science of self talk and allows you to use this as a method for delivering informed feedback.

2. Give clear, concise and instructional self talk

If the first steps helps us to create distance, the second allows us to leverage this to deliver concise and instructional self talk. Delivery is all important, as allowing yourself to mumble and share negative thoughts simply creates further doubt while offering no positive resolutions.

Here’s a personal example. After being promoted at work, I sought to create distance and began to think objectively about why this may have been the case. Self talk then enabled me to consider these as single, concise points, providing insight and offering instructional advice on how to improve myself in the future.

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3. Use present tense messages to create a forward-thinking outlook

On a similar note, you often find that negative self talk is characterised by introspection and reflection on past experiences. It also tends to focus on mistakes that have prevented you from achieving a personal or career goal in the past, creating an overwhelming sense of fear that is hard to escape from.

You can negate this by using present tense messages when engaging in self talk, focusing on what can be done in the moment and adapting your outlook to create a forward-thinking outlook. If you have had a job application rejected in the post, for example, internalise reactionary steps that can drive progress (such as asking for feedback from the employer or identifying new opportunities) rather than dwelling on what has gone before.

4. Turn self talk into an inner conversation

Another issue with self talk is that it can become extremely introspective, meaning that we forget to challenge negative thoughts and comments. If we consider self-talk as more of an internalised, two-way conversation between alternative viewpoints, however, it is possible use this as a platform for proactive problem solving.

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For example, whenever negative self talk statements such as ‘I can’t’ enter your mind, you should respond this immediately with ‘why not?’ This forces you to consider the initial, negative statement more objectively, while challenging you to uncover solutions rather than focusing solely on the problem in hand.

This provides a quick transition from abstract negativity to constructive positive thinking, helping you to cope when negative thoughts inevitably spring to mind.

5. Externalise your self talk in writing

Throughout history, studies have shown that the externalisation of angst and negativity has a positive impact on everything from anger management to treating life-threatening illnesses. Writing is a particularly effective vehicle, thanks to the distance that we create with the written word and the sense of anonymity that it afford us.

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In this respect, externalising negative self talk by committing it to paper is an excellent idea. You can do this through a regular journal or sporadic letters to yourself, so long as you read these documents and provide an outlet for your negativity. For those of you who are courageous and dealing with a specific source of negativity, you may even want to consider publishing your thoughts in a publicly accessible blog.

The key is that you are comfortable with the format, and willing to externalise your negativity in an open and progressive manner.

Featured photo credit: Kevin Lee via stocksnap.io

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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