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6 Great Movies To Help Your Kid Fight Bullying

6 Great Movies To Help Your Kid Fight Bullying

Not long ago, I stumbled upon a very cool article – Cinematography Comes To The Aid: What Movies Can Help Your Teen Go Through Bullying. As a mom, I was very curious about this topic and I realized that I could come up with my own list of such movies.

My kid is only nine but he has already experienced some bullying. Knowing how many kids face this problem every day, parents should be aware of this issue and talk about it regularly. Even if your kid is not bullied, it is important to teach them about the phenomenon and its possible consequences. The following movies can be a great way to start such a conversation.

Harry Potter (2001)

If by some magical coincidence, your kids haven’t seen the Harry Potter series, you cannot but introduce this world to them. They will not only be fascinated by the wizards, extraordinary creatures, and magical spells but can also learn some valuable lessons.

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Harry Potter was bullied by his family and other kids at Hogwarts. He suffered a great deal of pranks, humiliation, and rejection. Nevertheless, he stays strong, fights all the enemies and finds comfort in his true friends. That is the best way to fight bullying and every kid should see and understand that.

Cyberbully (2015)

Cyberbullying is a modern way of bullying that involves no physical harm, but is as dangerous and hurtful. Cyberbully movie shows all the serious consequences that cyberbullying can lead to. This is a story of Casey who is harassed by unknown hacker online. This hacker threats her with posting her nude pictures online and shaming her.

Casey doesn’t know why it is happening to her until this person says that he helps victims of cyberbullying. She is confused, but then he shows her all the things that she has said and done online and how they influenced other people and even brought one girl to suicide. The movie is very important to see for both sides – bullies and bullied. It shows that an ostensibly innocent comment can hurt people’s feelings and bring to serious troubles.

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The Duff (2015)

This one is a teen comedy about school hierarchy. Bianca finds out one day that she is labeled The Duff – ‘designated ugly fat friend’ to her beautiful girlfriends. Her world changes and she decides to do something about it.

On her way to becoming cool and popular (while her friends actually turn their back on her and bully her), she realizes that the most important thing is to be yourself and not to pay attention to all the stereotypes and myths. This movie is great for kids and teens who have self-esteem and bullying problems.

Odd Girl Out (2005)

This is another teen movie telling about teenage conflicts and intrigues. The main character, Vanessa, is rejected by all of her friends after they find out that she has a crush on the same boy as the most popular girl in school. She suddenly becomes an outcast and everybody calls her names and seems to hate her. It goes even further when they create a website and post humiliating pictures of Vanessa.

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After a big amount of humiliation, pranks, name calling and a suicide attempt, Vanessa realizes that her desire to be friends with those people again doesn’t make any sense. She realizes that popularity is not everything and being a “cool kid” is not that important.

This movie proves how easily kids get into bullies and how cruel they can be. Kids who bully their classmates at school need to see this movie to realize that it’s wrong. And those kids who are being bullied can see that they are not alone and there are ways out.

The Karate Kid (1984)

This is a fun movie to watch with the whole family. It’s about a bullied teen Daniel who decides to learn Karate to be able to defend himself. His wise teacher, Miyagi, teaches him not only how to fight, but how to be powerful and strong mentally, too. Eventually, Daniel gets stronger and defeats his bullies at the karate tournament. The movie teaches kids not to run away from problems, but to face them.

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The Craft (1996)

If you have an older teen who’s into rock music and dark things, The Craft can be a great way to start a bullying conversation. It’s about a girl who enters a new school and befriends three girls involved in occult things. They three are being bullied for different reasons and after the new girl gets hurt, too, they all get together, cast a spell and acquire witch powers.

They decide to get revenge and hurt the ones who have been hurting them. It all goes the wrong way leading girls to much different results than they expected. The movie can teach your teens that revenge is not the way to get things done and it only makes you the same as your offenders.

Bullying is among the most urgent problems in schools all over the world. Many kids have to deal with it on a regular basis and many then suffer from major psychological issues. Parents have to pay a lot of attention to teaching their kids about the wrong of bullying. And these movies can be a great way to start.

Featured photo credit: Girls with popcorn/Flickr via flickr.com

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Published on February 11, 2021

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

I’m old enough to remember how the cane at school was used for punishment. My dad is old enough to think that banning corporal punishment in schools resulted in today’s poorly disciplined youth. With all of this as my early experiences, there was a time when I would have been better assigned to write about how to negatively discipline your child.

What changed? Thankfully, my wife showed me different approaches for discipline that were very positive. Plus, I was open to learning.

What has not changed is that kids are full of problems with impulses and emotions that flip from sad to happy, then angry in a moment. Though we’re not that different as adults with stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, and stimulants such as sugar and caffeine in our diets.

Punishment as Discipline?

What this means is that we usually take the easy path when a child misbehaves and punish them. Punishment may solve an isolated problem, but it’s not really teaching the kids anything useful in the long term.

Probably it’s time for me to be clear about what I mean by punishment and discipline as these terms are often used interchangeably, but they are quite different.

Discipline VS. Punishment

Punishment is where we inflict pain or suffering on our child as a penalty. Discipline means to teach. They’re quite the opposite, but you’ll notice that teachers, parents, and coaches often confuse the two words.

So, as parents, we have to have clear goals to teach our kids. It’s a long-term plan—using strategies that will have the longest-lasting impact on our kids are the best use of our time and energy.

If you’re clear about what you want to achieve, then it becomes easier to find the best strategy. The better we are at responding when our kids misbehave or do not follow our guidance, the better the results are going to be.

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3 Positive Discipline Strategies for Your Child

Stay with me as I appreciate that a lot of people who read these blogs do not always have children with impulse control. We’ve had a lot of kids in our martial arts classes that were the complete opposite. They had concentration issues, hyperactive, and disruptive to the other children.

The easy solution is to punish their parents by removing the kids from the class or punish the child with penalties such as time outs and burpees. Yes, it was tempting to do all of this, but one of our club values is that we pull you up rather than push you down.

This means it’s a long-term gain to build trust and confidence, which is destroyed by constant punishments.

Here are the discipline strategies we used to build trust and confidence with these hyperactive kids.

1. Patience

The first positive discipline strategy is to simply be patient. The more patient you are, the more likely you are to get results. Remember I said that we need to build trust and connection. You’ll get further with this goal using patience.

As a coach, sometimes I was not the best person for this role, but we had other coaches in the club that could step in here. As a parent, you may not have this luxury, so it’s really important to recognize any improvements that you see and celebrate them.

2. Redirection

The second strategy we use is redirection. It’s important with a redirection to take “no” out of the equation. Choices are a great alternative.

Imagine a scenario where you’re in a restaurant and your kid is wailing. The hard part here is getting your child to stop screaming long enough for you to build a connection. Most parents have calming strategies and if you practice them with your child, they are more likely to be effective.

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In the first moment of calm, you can say “Your choice to scream and cry in public is not a good one. It would be best to say, Dad. What can I do to get ice-cream?” You can replace this with an appropriate option.

The challenge with being calm and redirecting is that we need to be clear-minded, focused, and really engaged at the moment. If you’re on your phone, talking with friends or family, thinking about work or the bills, you’ll miss this opportunity to discipline in a way that has long-term benefits.

3. Repair and Ground Rules

The third positive discipline strategy is to repair and use ground rules. Once you’ve given the better option and it has been taken, you have a chance to repair this behavior to lessen its occurrence to better yet, prevent it from happening again. And by setting appropriate ground rules, you can make this a long-term win by helping your child improve their behavior.

It’s these ground rules that help you correct the poor choices of your child and direct the behavior that you want to see.

Consequences Versus Ultimatums

When I was a child and being punished. My parents worked in a busy business for long hours, so their default was to go to ultimatums. “Do that again and you’re grounded for a week,” or “If I catch you doing X, you’ll go to bed without dinner”.

Looking back, this worked to a point. But the flip side is that I remembered more of the ultimatums than the happier times. I’ve learned through trial and error with my own kids that consequences are more effective while not breaking down trust.

What to Do When Ground Rules Get Broken?

It’s on the consequences that you use when the ground rules are broken.

In the martial arts class, when the hyperactive student breaks the ground rules. They would miss a turn in a game or go to the back of the line in a queue. We do not want to shame the child by isolating them. But on the flip side, there should be clear ground rules and proportionate consequences.

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Yes, there are times when we would like to exclude the student from the class, the club, and even the universe. Again, it’s here that patience is so important and probably impulse control too. With an attainable consequence, you can maintain trust and you’re more likely to get the long-term behavior that you’re looking to achieve.

Interestingly, we would occasionally hear a strategy from parents that little Kevin has been misbehaving at home with his sister or something similar. He likes martial arts training, so the parent would react by removing Kevin from the martial arts class as a punishment.

We would suggest that this would remove Kevin from an environment where he is behaving positively. Removing him from this is likely to be detrimental to the change you would like to see. He may even feel shame when he returns to the class and loses all the progress he’s made.

Alternatives to Punishment

Another option is to tell Kevin to write a letter to his sister, apologizing for his behavior, and explaining how he is going to behave in the future.

If your child is too young to write, give the apology face to face. For the apology to feel sincere, there is some value to pre-framing or practicing this between yourself and your child before they give it to the intended person.

Don’t expect them to know the ground rules or what you’re thinking! It will be clearer to your child and better received with some practice. You can practice along the lines of: “X is the behavior I did, Y is what I should have done, and Z is my promise to you for how I’m going to act in the future.” You can replace XYZ with the appropriate actions.

It does not need to be a letter or in person, it can even be a video. But there has to be an intention to repair the broken ground rule. If you try these strategies, that is become fully engaged with them and you’re still getting nowhere.

But what to do if these strategies do not work? Then there is plenty to gain by seeking the help of an expert. Chances are that something is interfering or limiting their development.

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This does not mean that your child has a neurological deficiency, although this may be the root cause. But it means that you can get an objective view and help on how to create the changes that you would like to see. Remember that using positive discipline strategies is better than mere punishment.

There are groups that you can chat with for help. Family Lives UK has the aim of ensuring that all parents have somewhere to turn before they reached a crisis point. The NSPCC also provides a useful guide to positive parenting that you can download.[1]

Bottom Line

So, there your go, the three takeaways on strategies you can use for positively disciplining your child. The first one is about you! Be patient, be present, and think about what is best for the long term. AKA, avoid ultimatums and punishment. The second is to use a redirect, then repair and repeat (ground rules) as your 3-step method of discipline.

Using these positive discipline strategies require you to be fully engaged with your child. Again, being impulsive breaks trust and you lose some of the gains you’ve both worked hard to achieve.

Lastly, consequences are better than punishment. Plus, avoid shaming, especially in public at all costs.

I hope this blog has been useful, and remember that you should be more focused on repairing bad behavior because being proactive and encouraging good behavior with rewards, fun, and positive emotions takes less effort than repairing the bad.

More Tips on How To Discipline Your Child

Featured photo credit: Leo Rivas via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] NSPCC Learning: Positive parenting

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