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10 Handy Tips for Effectively Talking to Your Teen About Heroin Use

10 Handy Tips for Effectively Talking to Your Teen About Heroin Use

Let’s face it, talking to teenagers about nearly anything—let alone drug use—is far from easy. The last thing they want is their parents confronting them about using heroin.

Whether you found a heroin kit in your child’s bedroom or you recognized the physical and behavioral symptoms, it’s time to have a serious talk. But how do you approach your teen without getting a door slammed in your face?

1. Create A Defensive-Free Zone

Threats or rants will get you tuned out in the blink of an eye. Choose a time when you’re not stressed or rushed, and if your teen is open to the idea, consider spending some quality time watching a movie or eating out. After the credits roll, express your concern and ask what’s been going on. Pick a place that’s private and out of earshot of siblings or other family members.

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2. Map Out A Plan

Decide who’s going to talk with your teen—you, your spouse, or both of you. Plan what you’re going to say. Write it out. Practice it in front of the mirror. Anticipate different scenarios from your angst-ridden teen. Prepare responses for 1) vehement denials about using heroin, 2) claims of experimentation or a passing phase, and/or 3) admitting to needing help.

3. Keep Emotions In Check

It’s easy for the conversation to go from telling your teen you’re worried to shouts, arguments, and hurt feelings. This may be one of the toughest conversations you’ll ever have with your child, and your emotions are bound to go haywire. It’s okay for your teen to see the concern in your face, but if you’re so emotional that you can’t hold your composure, you won’t make headway.

4. Tell Your Teen What You See

Let your teen know you’ve found blatant evidence, like syringes, burnt spoons, or the drug itself. Explain any signs and symptoms you’ve noticed, like a change in appearance, failing grades, or needle tracks. Teens using drugs often cut ties with good friends and drop out of sports or activities they used to love. Point out that all of these things make you suspicious. Whether your child admits to using or not, he or she at least needs to know you know what’s up.

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5. Be Prepared For Denial

It’s a fact: drug users lie. They’ll say anything to convince others they’re not using drugs. Even if you’re holding a bag of heroin you found in a dresser drawer, your teen will slap the blame on someone else. If your child becomes agitated and you’re not getting anywhere, table the conversation for later. Show your teen that actions have consequences, like grounding, removal of a cell phone, or freezing the weekly allowance.

6. Anticipate Teenage Rage

When teens discover their parents have gone through their rooms, personal belongings, or phones, they might fire back with accusations like “You’re violating my privacy,” or “You don’t trust me!”. Acknowledge that you love your teen and that you did what you did out of concern, but don’t get sucked into an argument. You’re doing what you can to help your child.

7. Present The Facts

Heroin use isn’t pretty. Give your teen the cold, hard facts—don’t sugarcoat them. Research the effects and dangers of heroin, including fatal overdose. Let them read about it. Show them pictures of long-term heroin users. Point out no one is immune to the dangers of heroin use, not even idolized celebrities who have ruined their careers or died from drug addiction. Heroin doesn’t discriminate—anyone can become addicted and any user risks overdosing, especially when users take bigger doses to get the same high as their bodies develop tolerance over time.

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8. Show Unconditional Love

Many teens reject parental affection, but they need to recognize that they’re loved unconditionally. Don’t accept or excuse your teen’s drug use, but let your loved one know that you’ll always be there to talk and that you’re willing to help your teen however you can.

9. Listen Compassionately

Your talk may lead to a conversation about drug use or related problems, from school and friends to issues with you. Come up with a plan to tackle any concerns. Teens need empathy from people who won’t dismiss their problems.

10. Get Support

You’ve taken an important step by reading up on how to talk to your teen about heroin use. You don’t have to go through it alone! Contact your child’s doctor or look into family counseling or rehab facilities. There are professionals who can help you and your teen.

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Talking to your teen about using drugs is challenging, but with your support, your loved one can get back on the right path.

Featured photo credit: HighwayStarz via bigstockphoto.com

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Published on February 11, 2021

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

3 Positive Discipline Strategies That Are Best For Your Child

I’m old enough to remember how the cane at school was used for punishment. My dad is old enough to think that banning corporal punishment in schools resulted in today’s poorly disciplined youth. With all of this as my early experiences, there was a time when I would have been better assigned to write about how to negatively discipline your child.

What changed? Thankfully, my wife showed me different approaches for discipline that were very positive. Plus, I was open to learning.

What has not changed is that kids are full of problems with impulses and emotions that flip from sad to happy, then angry in a moment. Though we’re not that different as adults with stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, and stimulants such as sugar and caffeine in our diets.

Punishment as Discipline?

What this means is that we usually take the easy path when a child misbehaves and punish them. Punishment may solve an isolated problem, but it’s not really teaching the kids anything useful in the long term.

Probably it’s time for me to be clear about what I mean by punishment and discipline as these terms are often used interchangeably, but they are quite different.

Discipline VS. Punishment

Punishment is where we inflict pain or suffering on our child as a penalty. Discipline means to teach. They’re quite the opposite, but you’ll notice that teachers, parents, and coaches often confuse the two words.

So, as parents, we have to have clear goals to teach our kids. It’s a long-term plan—using strategies that will have the longest-lasting impact on our kids are the best use of our time and energy.

If you’re clear about what you want to achieve, then it becomes easier to find the best strategy. The better we are at responding when our kids misbehave or do not follow our guidance, the better the results are going to be.

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3 Positive Discipline Strategies for Your Child

Stay with me as I appreciate that a lot of people who read these blogs do not always have children with impulse control. We’ve had a lot of kids in our martial arts classes that were the complete opposite. They had concentration issues, hyperactive, and disruptive to the other children.

The easy solution is to punish their parents by removing the kids from the class or punish the child with penalties such as time outs and burpees. Yes, it was tempting to do all of this, but one of our club values is that we pull you up rather than push you down.

This means it’s a long-term gain to build trust and confidence, which is destroyed by constant punishments.

Here are the discipline strategies we used to build trust and confidence with these hyperactive kids.

1. Patience

The first positive discipline strategy is to simply be patient. The more patient you are, the more likely you are to get results. Remember I said that we need to build trust and connection. You’ll get further with this goal using patience.

As a coach, sometimes I was not the best person for this role, but we had other coaches in the club that could step in here. As a parent, you may not have this luxury, so it’s really important to recognize any improvements that you see and celebrate them.

2. Redirection

The second strategy we use is redirection. It’s important with a redirection to take “no” out of the equation. Choices are a great alternative.

Imagine a scenario where you’re in a restaurant and your kid is wailing. The hard part here is getting your child to stop screaming long enough for you to build a connection. Most parents have calming strategies and if you practice them with your child, they are more likely to be effective.

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In the first moment of calm, you can say “Your choice to scream and cry in public is not a good one. It would be best to say, Dad. What can I do to get ice-cream?” You can replace this with an appropriate option.

The challenge with being calm and redirecting is that we need to be clear-minded, focused, and really engaged at the moment. If you’re on your phone, talking with friends or family, thinking about work or the bills, you’ll miss this opportunity to discipline in a way that has long-term benefits.

3. Repair and Ground Rules

The third positive discipline strategy is to repair and use ground rules. Once you’ve given the better option and it has been taken, you have a chance to repair this behavior to lessen its occurrence to better yet, prevent it from happening again. And by setting appropriate ground rules, you can make this a long-term win by helping your child improve their behavior.

It’s these ground rules that help you correct the poor choices of your child and direct the behavior that you want to see.

Consequences Versus Ultimatums

When I was a child and being punished. My parents worked in a busy business for long hours, so their default was to go to ultimatums. “Do that again and you’re grounded for a week,” or “If I catch you doing X, you’ll go to bed without dinner”.

Looking back, this worked to a point. But the flip side is that I remembered more of the ultimatums than the happier times. I’ve learned through trial and error with my own kids that consequences are more effective while not breaking down trust.

What to Do When Ground Rules Get Broken?

It’s on the consequences that you use when the ground rules are broken.

In the martial arts class, when the hyperactive student breaks the ground rules. They would miss a turn in a game or go to the back of the line in a queue. We do not want to shame the child by isolating them. But on the flip side, there should be clear ground rules and proportionate consequences.

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Yes, there are times when we would like to exclude the student from the class, the club, and even the universe. Again, it’s here that patience is so important and probably impulse control too. With an attainable consequence, you can maintain trust and you’re more likely to get the long-term behavior that you’re looking to achieve.

Interestingly, we would occasionally hear a strategy from parents that little Kevin has been misbehaving at home with his sister or something similar. He likes martial arts training, so the parent would react by removing Kevin from the martial arts class as a punishment.

We would suggest that this would remove Kevin from an environment where he is behaving positively. Removing him from this is likely to be detrimental to the change you would like to see. He may even feel shame when he returns to the class and loses all the progress he’s made.

Alternatives to Punishment

Another option is to tell Kevin to write a letter to his sister, apologizing for his behavior, and explaining how he is going to behave in the future.

If your child is too young to write, give the apology face to face. For the apology to feel sincere, there is some value to pre-framing or practicing this between yourself and your child before they give it to the intended person.

Don’t expect them to know the ground rules or what you’re thinking! It will be clearer to your child and better received with some practice. You can practice along the lines of: “X is the behavior I did, Y is what I should have done, and Z is my promise to you for how I’m going to act in the future.” You can replace XYZ with the appropriate actions.

It does not need to be a letter or in person, it can even be a video. But there has to be an intention to repair the broken ground rule. If you try these strategies, that is become fully engaged with them and you’re still getting nowhere.

But what to do if these strategies do not work? Then there is plenty to gain by seeking the help of an expert. Chances are that something is interfering or limiting their development.

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This does not mean that your child has a neurological deficiency, although this may be the root cause. But it means that you can get an objective view and help on how to create the changes that you would like to see. Remember that using positive discipline strategies is better than mere punishment.

There are groups that you can chat with for help. Family Lives UK has the aim of ensuring that all parents have somewhere to turn before they reached a crisis point. The NSPCC also provides a useful guide to positive parenting that you can download.[1]

Bottom Line

So, there your go, the three takeaways on strategies you can use for positively disciplining your child. The first one is about you! Be patient, be present, and think about what is best for the long term. AKA, avoid ultimatums and punishment. The second is to use a redirect, then repair and repeat (ground rules) as your 3-step method of discipline.

Using these positive discipline strategies require you to be fully engaged with your child. Again, being impulsive breaks trust and you lose some of the gains you’ve both worked hard to achieve.

Lastly, consequences are better than punishment. Plus, avoid shaming, especially in public at all costs.

I hope this blog has been useful, and remember that you should be more focused on repairing bad behavior because being proactive and encouraging good behavior with rewards, fun, and positive emotions takes less effort than repairing the bad.

More Tips on How To Discipline Your Child

Featured photo credit: Leo Rivas via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] NSPCC Learning: Positive parenting

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