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Becoming Your Own Queen Bee

Becoming Your Own Queen Bee

Queen bee. Ruler of the bees. The solo reproductive female in a colony of honeybees. Or, according to online encyclopedias: “A woman or girl in a social circle that dominates or is controlling in her position. The alpha female. The ‘leader of the pack.’ She ascends over her peers, influencing decisions and commanding her rule.”

This is not an uncommon tale, and it most definitely exists in many realms. I know I have had my share of queen bees in my lifetime, throughout my formative years mostly. Perhaps it is a developmental notion, a way for youths to create social structure and find order in their heady, bumbling world.

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Dominance and control happens everywhere, and the fact that there is no such name for the queen bee’s male counterpart is interesting, at the very least. The term implies bossiness, maltreatment, corruption. The queen bee idea is imposed by young adult films such as Mean Girls, where she is to be feared, lest you suffer her incomprehensible wrath. You must remain on her good side or she will tear you down. You must do what she says. You must be her minion.

Except you don’t have to.

The term “queen bee” does not have to be a threatening thing. It doesn’t have to mean a reign of terror. A woman ruling is a beautiful and powerful idea — it actually needs as much light as we can give it. Except instead of ruling others, instead of controlling a group or domineering a social structure, how about we are the queen bee, ruling only ourselves? The queen of our own life, the queen of our own parlours, our own choices, our own timeframes. We sit on our thrones not to dominate others, but to shine as leaders of our own fate. We stand tall when others sling harmful words, confident in our power. We shine when we take the podium, the stage, or even the sidewalk. We let pettiness roll off our backs and we rule with kindness and courage. We listen to all people because real queens are wise, and they know that in order for people to hear us, we too must perfect the art of truly listening.

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Real queens know that we are never truly powerful by controlling — we are powerful because we never stop learning. We are beautiful because we are real, not because we build a version of ourselves to suit anybody else. We understand that we do not need to dominate in order to be loved. We do not need to instil violence or fear in order to rule sufficiently. We are respected because we respect others, and because we respect ourselves.

Bee inspired.

For want of a less cheesy quote, I have always — since I was a girl young enough to be influenced by my peers — found this quote to be of happy help. It was spoken by Sara Crewe, the brave and adventurous little princess who loved magic and who believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that all girls are beautiful, talented, unstoppable. She knew that being a princess didn’t mean sparkly pink dresses and a prince — it meant having the heart of a warrior. And she knew that girls didn’t need to rule one another at all, because given the platform to unite instead of compete, these girls would someday grow from princesses into queens.

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“I am a princess. All girls are! Even if they live in tiny old attics, even if they dress in rags, even if they aren’t pretty, or smart, or young, they’re still princesses — all of us!” — Sara Crewe

Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on June 19, 2019

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

2. Trust the Muse

Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

“The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

3. Remember to Be Authentic

Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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