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10 Tips On Making Online Dating Work For You

10 Tips On Making Online Dating Work For You

We live in an era where virtually everything happens online. From shopping to studying, to even dating. Online dating has been around for quite some time now and there’s a good chance that you’ve tried it at some point of your life.

The thing about online dating is, it seems to work so well for some, but not so much for others. If you really think about it, that really is true for any kind of dating. There are a few things you can do to completely change your online profile. Here are some tips on how to make these changes and make online dating work for you.

1. Be honest.

One of the most important things you need to make sure is that you are being honest about everything you say about yourself in your online profile. Most people can spot a lie when they see one, and believe me, if you feel the need to lie about something, they’ll find other inconsistencies that will soon reveal your lie.

And even if they don’t immediately, they will eventually. And trust me when I say this, there is no better way to damage someone’s impression of you than holding on to a lie. So if you want more action, just being honest could be a start.

2. Be authentic.

Nothing repels people more than unauthentic people; even the ones that are unauthentic themselves want an authentic partner. So you need to keep this in mind while building your profile. And don’t worry, we all have things to put in our profiles that can demonstrate that we are authentic.

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It doesn’t have to be something like “love climbing Everest every summer” or “love traveling to other planets”. Authentic living is a lifestyle, not a list of accomplishments. The things you really love are the things that make you stand out as authentic. So avoid following the herd, and just be yourself.

3. Avoid clichés.

“Long romantic walks on the beach.” Ugh. Clichés are the worst. We live in an era where inauthentic people have a serious shot at seeming authentic simply by copying other people they observe on TV, the movies or the internet. And that’s where clichés are born.

If there’s only one thing you can do from this list, make it this. If it is someone boring you’re looking for, clichés could work. Sometimes. But I’m guessing you’re someone who has a better self-image, because why else would you be on Lifehack? Just be yourself. You’re awesome, trust me.

4. Be specific.

Don’t be that guy who “likes doing stuff” or “likes to chill” or “likes hanging out”. Sure everybody loves doing stuff, or hanging out, but listing unspecific interests such as these may not be a great way to convince someone to do those things with you.

And there is nobody here among us who hasn’t at least a few specific interests or experiences they can list. Love feeding ducks at the park on Sundays? Why be embarrassed about it?

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If a meaningful relationship is what you crave, trust me, you are more likely to find that through meeting someone who would love to feed those ducks with you than through meeting someone to just “hang out” with.

5. List sociable hobbies.

One thing you should know about everyone who has an online profile like you is that they crave socialization. I mean, think about it. Why else would anyone be there? Anyone pretending otherwise is a phony, and you should keep away from those people.

Anyway, make sure you list a lot of sociable hobbies. Make sure, you include more items like “travelling and meeting new people”, “going to the movies” etc. and less items like “worshiping the devil”. Hey I’m not one to judge, I’m just trying to help make online dating work for you.

6. Keep everything short and sweet.

Don’t over evaluate. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Anyone who likes your profile picture and wants to learn more about you should be able to do so in a glance. And if you have a 1000 word personal history up there, most of them are going to pass on you.

Because that’s all you are to them at that point, another passable candidate. To make sure you stand out and don’t get passed on, make sure all your written descriptions are short. But just being short won’t do, you need to find that magical combination of words that are both short and sweet.

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7. Choose a good photo.

I cannot emphasize this enough. And as shallow as it may sound, appearances do matter, especially in your online profile with which you’ve intended to impress a complete stranger. So choose the right dating profile picture.

And maybe you’re incredibly insecure about your appearances, which is why you’ve decided to go with that blurry photo from three years ago. But trust me. That might have worked in junior high, but no adult is going to pick someone with a blurry photo of them throwing a gang sign. So just be confident, take a good shot, and put it up. It’ll work like a charm.

8. Proofread.

Make sure you proofread everything you decide to put in your profile. It’s not like you’re going to get a second chance from a complete stranger. Anything from a typo to bad grammar choices or perhaps just too much detail can turn a stranger away.

They’re a strange lot, these strangers. Incredibly hard to impress, but should you follow some of these tricks, potentially just as easy to impress. So make sure your profile, whatever you’ve put in it, is spotless.

9. Update your profile regularly.

If you want to stay in the game, you need to update that profile of yours regularly. Change the photo every time you take one that looks better than the last. Just don’t go all narcissistic. Also update your hobbies and experiences regularly.

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Done something exciting lately? Why shouldn’t that be on your profile? I mean you are more likely to find someone through adding exciting new items to your profile regularly than you are otherwise. Just don’t get to that point where you’re skittish about not having updated it in the last 3 hours. Just keep it alive!

10. Respond quickly.

And finally, I can’t emphasize this enough. Respond as soon as you can! Check your account frequently, and reply to any interest you may have received. Do not play- I repeat- do not play hard to get. This person hardly knows you and doesn’t care yet if you’re the chosen one.

If they can’t reach you soon enough they’ll toss you away. So unless you’re really occupied with something far more important, don’t ignore messages or invites. It could be the love of your life that got away. That’s not a risk I would want to take.

Featured photo credit: Wikimedia via upload.wikimedia.org

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Nabin Paudyal

Co-Founder, Siplikan Media Group

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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