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10 Tips On Making Online Dating Work For You

10 Tips On Making Online Dating Work For You

We live in an era where virtually everything happens online. From shopping to studying, to even dating. Online dating has been around for quite some time now and there’s a good chance that you’ve tried it at some point of your life.

The thing about online dating is, it seems to work so well for some, but not so much for others. If you really think about it, that really is true for any kind of dating. There are a few things you can do to completely change your online profile. Here are some tips on how to make these changes and make online dating work for you.

1. Be honest.

One of the most important things you need to make sure is that you are being honest about everything you say about yourself in your online profile. Most people can spot a lie when they see one, and believe me, if you feel the need to lie about something, they’ll find other inconsistencies that will soon reveal your lie.

And even if they don’t immediately, they will eventually. And trust me when I say this, there is no better way to damage someone’s impression of you than holding on to a lie. So if you want more action, just being honest could be a start.

2. Be authentic.

Nothing repels people more than unauthentic people; even the ones that are unauthentic themselves want an authentic partner. So you need to keep this in mind while building your profile. And don’t worry, we all have things to put in our profiles that can demonstrate that we are authentic.

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It doesn’t have to be something like “love climbing Everest every summer” or “love traveling to other planets”. Authentic living is a lifestyle, not a list of accomplishments. The things you really love are the things that make you stand out as authentic. So avoid following the herd, and just be yourself.

3. Avoid clichés.

“Long romantic walks on the beach.” Ugh. Clichés are the worst. We live in an era where inauthentic people have a serious shot at seeming authentic simply by copying other people they observe on TV, the movies or the internet. And that’s where clichés are born.

If there’s only one thing you can do from this list, make it this. If it is someone boring you’re looking for, clichés could work. Sometimes. But I’m guessing you’re someone who has a better self-image, because why else would you be on Lifehack? Just be yourself. You’re awesome, trust me.

4. Be specific.

Don’t be that guy who “likes doing stuff” or “likes to chill” or “likes hanging out”. Sure everybody loves doing stuff, or hanging out, but listing unspecific interests such as these may not be a great way to convince someone to do those things with you.

And there is nobody here among us who hasn’t at least a few specific interests or experiences they can list. Love feeding ducks at the park on Sundays? Why be embarrassed about it?

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If a meaningful relationship is what you crave, trust me, you are more likely to find that through meeting someone who would love to feed those ducks with you than through meeting someone to just “hang out” with.

5. List sociable hobbies.

One thing you should know about everyone who has an online profile like you is that they crave socialization. I mean, think about it. Why else would anyone be there? Anyone pretending otherwise is a phony, and you should keep away from those people.

Anyway, make sure you list a lot of sociable hobbies. Make sure, you include more items like “travelling and meeting new people”, “going to the movies” etc. and less items like “worshiping the devil”. Hey I’m not one to judge, I’m just trying to help make online dating work for you.

6. Keep everything short and sweet.

Don’t over evaluate. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Anyone who likes your profile picture and wants to learn more about you should be able to do so in a glance. And if you have a 1000 word personal history up there, most of them are going to pass on you.

Because that’s all you are to them at that point, another passable candidate. To make sure you stand out and don’t get passed on, make sure all your written descriptions are short. But just being short won’t do, you need to find that magical combination of words that are both short and sweet.

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7. Choose a good photo.

I cannot emphasize this enough. And as shallow as it may sound, appearances do matter, especially in your online profile with which you’ve intended to impress a complete stranger. So choose the right dating profile picture.

And maybe you’re incredibly insecure about your appearances, which is why you’ve decided to go with that blurry photo from three years ago. But trust me. That might have worked in junior high, but no adult is going to pick someone with a blurry photo of them throwing a gang sign. So just be confident, take a good shot, and put it up. It’ll work like a charm.

8. Proofread.

Make sure you proofread everything you decide to put in your profile. It’s not like you’re going to get a second chance from a complete stranger. Anything from a typo to bad grammar choices or perhaps just too much detail can turn a stranger away.

They’re a strange lot, these strangers. Incredibly hard to impress, but should you follow some of these tricks, potentially just as easy to impress. So make sure your profile, whatever you’ve put in it, is spotless.

9. Update your profile regularly.

If you want to stay in the game, you need to update that profile of yours regularly. Change the photo every time you take one that looks better than the last. Just don’t go all narcissistic. Also update your hobbies and experiences regularly.

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Done something exciting lately? Why shouldn’t that be on your profile? I mean you are more likely to find someone through adding exciting new items to your profile regularly than you are otherwise. Just don’t get to that point where you’re skittish about not having updated it in the last 3 hours. Just keep it alive!

10. Respond quickly.

And finally, I can’t emphasize this enough. Respond as soon as you can! Check your account frequently, and reply to any interest you may have received. Do not play- I repeat- do not play hard to get. This person hardly knows you and doesn’t care yet if you’re the chosen one.

If they can’t reach you soon enough they’ll toss you away. So unless you’re really occupied with something far more important, don’t ignore messages or invites. It could be the love of your life that got away. That’s not a risk I would want to take.

Featured photo credit: Wikimedia via upload.wikimedia.org

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Nabin Paudyal

Co-Founder, Siplikan Media Group

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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