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10 Tips On Making Online Dating Work For You

10 Tips On Making Online Dating Work For You
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We live in an era where virtually everything happens online. From shopping to studying, to even dating. Online dating has been around for quite some time now and there’s a good chance that you’ve tried it at some point of your life.

The thing about online dating is, it seems to work so well for some, but not so much for others. If you really think about it, that really is true for any kind of dating. There are a few things you can do to completely change your online profile. Here are some tips on how to make these changes and make online dating work for you.

1. Be honest.

One of the most important things you need to make sure is that you are being honest about everything you say about yourself in your online profile. Most people can spot a lie when they see one, and believe me, if you feel the need to lie about something, they’ll find other inconsistencies that will soon reveal your lie.

And even if they don’t immediately, they will eventually. And trust me when I say this, there is no better way to damage someone’s impression of you than holding on to a lie. So if you want more action, just being honest could be a start.

2. Be authentic.

Nothing repels people more than unauthentic people; even the ones that are unauthentic themselves want an authentic partner. So you need to keep this in mind while building your profile. And don’t worry, we all have things to put in our profiles that can demonstrate that we are authentic.

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It doesn’t have to be something like “love climbing Everest every summer” or “love traveling to other planets”. Authentic living is a lifestyle, not a list of accomplishments. The things you really love are the things that make you stand out as authentic. So avoid following the herd, and just be yourself.

3. Avoid clichés.

“Long romantic walks on the beach.” Ugh. Clichés are the worst. We live in an era where inauthentic people have a serious shot at seeming authentic simply by copying other people they observe on TV, the movies or the internet. And that’s where clichés are born.

If there’s only one thing you can do from this list, make it this. If it is someone boring you’re looking for, clichés could work. Sometimes. But I’m guessing you’re someone who has a better self-image, because why else would you be on Lifehack? Just be yourself. You’re awesome, trust me.

4. Be specific.

Don’t be that guy who “likes doing stuff” or “likes to chill” or “likes hanging out”. Sure everybody loves doing stuff, or hanging out, but listing unspecific interests such as these may not be a great way to convince someone to do those things with you.

And there is nobody here among us who hasn’t at least a few specific interests or experiences they can list. Love feeding ducks at the park on Sundays? Why be embarrassed about it?

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If a meaningful relationship is what you crave, trust me, you are more likely to find that through meeting someone who would love to feed those ducks with you than through meeting someone to just “hang out” with.

5. List sociable hobbies.

One thing you should know about everyone who has an online profile like you is that they crave socialization. I mean, think about it. Why else would anyone be there? Anyone pretending otherwise is a phony, and you should keep away from those people.

Anyway, make sure you list a lot of sociable hobbies. Make sure, you include more items like “travelling and meeting new people”, “going to the movies” etc. and less items like “worshiping the devil”. Hey I’m not one to judge, I’m just trying to help make online dating work for you.

6. Keep everything short and sweet.

Don’t over evaluate. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Anyone who likes your profile picture and wants to learn more about you should be able to do so in a glance. And if you have a 1000 word personal history up there, most of them are going to pass on you.

Because that’s all you are to them at that point, another passable candidate. To make sure you stand out and don’t get passed on, make sure all your written descriptions are short. But just being short won’t do, you need to find that magical combination of words that are both short and sweet.

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7. Choose a good photo.

I cannot emphasize this enough. And as shallow as it may sound, appearances do matter, especially in your online profile with which you’ve intended to impress a complete stranger. So choose the right dating profile picture.

And maybe you’re incredibly insecure about your appearances, which is why you’ve decided to go with that blurry photo from three years ago. But trust me. That might have worked in junior high, but no adult is going to pick someone with a blurry photo of them throwing a gang sign. So just be confident, take a good shot, and put it up. It’ll work like a charm.

8. Proofread.

Make sure you proofread everything you decide to put in your profile. It’s not like you’re going to get a second chance from a complete stranger. Anything from a typo to bad grammar choices or perhaps just too much detail can turn a stranger away.

They’re a strange lot, these strangers. Incredibly hard to impress, but should you follow some of these tricks, potentially just as easy to impress. So make sure your profile, whatever you’ve put in it, is spotless.

9. Update your profile regularly.

If you want to stay in the game, you need to update that profile of yours regularly. Change the photo every time you take one that looks better than the last. Just don’t go all narcissistic. Also update your hobbies and experiences regularly.

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Done something exciting lately? Why shouldn’t that be on your profile? I mean you are more likely to find someone through adding exciting new items to your profile regularly than you are otherwise. Just don’t get to that point where you’re skittish about not having updated it in the last 3 hours. Just keep it alive!

10. Respond quickly.

And finally, I can’t emphasize this enough. Respond as soon as you can! Check your account frequently, and reply to any interest you may have received. Do not play- I repeat- do not play hard to get. This person hardly knows you and doesn’t care yet if you’re the chosen one.

If they can’t reach you soon enough they’ll toss you away. So unless you’re really occupied with something far more important, don’t ignore messages or invites. It could be the love of your life that got away. That’s not a risk I would want to take.

Featured photo credit: Wikimedia via upload.wikimedia.org

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Nabin Paudyal

Co-Founder, Siplikan Media Group

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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