“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
Are you reminiscing about the days of your bygone youth with your friends and feeling nostalgic? Maybe the times you spent with your friends together during your college years, bunking classes and going to watch movies is all passing before your eyes. I know how much you miss the days when you were happily drunk together, or the moment you secretly lit that first joint in your dorm room. You feel the need to reconnect and share the same joy and ecstasy with your friends and you don’t know how to go about it, right?
Life is a journey and a lot of things change. You change. You take your own course in life and lose contact with old friends. Your friends finish school and take their own ways in life. However, the bond that existed between you and your friends makes you want you to rekindle the same relationship again.Advertising
Technology has made the world a small place to live in. Check out these 5 simple ways to reconnect with your old friends.
1. Join the alumni association
If you are looking to reconnect with your friends or your lab partner in high school or college, joining the alumni association is one of the easiest ways to do so. Most high schools keep track of their students even after their graduation and keep detailed information about their workplace, phone number, and current address. Try contacting them and, if you’re in luck, you are sure to find your friends. However, some schools and colleges might not be able to share information over the phone due to privacy issues which will require you to visit the institution and get the details in person.
Everyone has an email today and it’s almost certain that you have your friends’ email addresses somewhere in your old diaries or notes from your college years. Perfect. All you need to do is find the email of your friends that you want to get connected to and start hitting the keyboard.Advertising
Confused on how to start the email? Pick a subject like “Hey Dan, It’s Mark” and start writing the message saying that you’ve been trying to reconnect for a while and just wanted to say hi. Easy!
3. Facebook Message
Facebook is the world’s biggest form of social media today, with over 728 million daily users. Everyone’s on Facebook and it’s one of the easiest places you can find people to connect with. Even if you don’t know the email of your friend, you can find them just with their name. Even though you might get a lot of search results for the same name, you can find your friend through their profile picture. All you need to do next is add them or shoot them a message saying that you wanted to know what they’ve been doing lately.
Not just that, you can also keep updated with the progress of your friends by seeing their status updates, images, and videos that they’ve shared (if any).Advertising
4. Phone Call
Another option that you have to reconnect with your old friends is the telephone. All you need to do is pick up the phone, dial the number, and speak to them. If you don’t have their number, try calling their office (if you know where they work) or you can also use search engines like Google to figure out their current digits.
This might be an old school idea, but the voice of your friend, even if you leave a message, will keep you boosted and energized — and more likely to continue pursuing this reconnection.
5. Find a public database
A lot of information regarding people is available in public records and database that are available to access online for free. Sites listing Free Public Records allow you to find details regarding addresses, places of work, and relations for free. You can also call the city hall or the municipal government of the place your friend last lived to get details regarding their phone number and address, though it might take a lot of time.Advertising
Another free and simple-to-use database is a site called Pipl.com, which gives you information about the place of residence of your friend, with just his or her name, in a matter of seconds.
Getting in touch with your old friends can bring in a lot of excitement and nostalgia, all at the same time. Make sure to reminisce about the old moments while also planning to connect with them further and make new memories in the future.
Featured photo credit: Pinky Promise via pixabay.com
Last Updated on September 18, 2020
13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way
For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way
“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown
“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye
Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?
You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.
Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.
1. Take a step back and evaluate
When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:
- What is the problem?
- Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
- How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
- What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
- How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?
Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.
2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem
If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.
At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.
Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.
3. Realize there are others out there facing this too
Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.
4. Process your thoughts/emotions
Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:
- Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
- Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
- Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
- Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.
5. Acknowledge your thoughts
Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.
By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.
Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.
6. Give yourself a break
If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.
7. Uncover what you’re really upset about
A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.
Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.
After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.
8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome
As Helen Keller once said,
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.
9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps
In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:
- What’s the situation?
- What’s stressing you about this situation?
- What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
- Take action on your next steps!
After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.
10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)
A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.
Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.
For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.
11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse
No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.
12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it
No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.
13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter
There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?
After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.
Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way
Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com