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7 Signs You Are Lying To Yourself And You Don’t Know It

7 Signs You Are Lying To Yourself And You Don’t Know It

We all despise being lied to. If asked what characteristic we least like in a person most of us would say dishonesty. Yet, sometimes the person telling us the biggest lies is the person looking back at us in the mirror. Yes, we lie to ourselves all the time. We lie because we are afraid, we feel inadequate, or we feel ashamed. We believe that if we were different somehow or if we were right for doing the wrong things we did our lives would be better. The truth is, the best life is the life we live when we’re completely honest with ourselves about ourselves. Here are seven signs you are lying to yourself and don’t know it so that you can finally learn to tell yourself the truth:

1. Your emotions don’t match your words

Have you ever tried to convince yourself that you were not hurt or angry, but your emotions told a different story? You have tears running down your face or steam coming out your ears even though you say everything is fine. Your emotions may even catch you off guard. You wonder where did these tears come from or why you are so mad. When your emotions do not match how you say or think you feel there’s a good chance that you are lying to yourself. Facing the truth about how you feel allows you to address what is or is not working in that moment. Acknowledge how you really feel and express those feelings constructively. If you’re hurt don’t be afraid to say you’re hurt. Honesty is where true healing or resolution comes from.

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2. Your behavior doesn’t align with your proclamations

“This year is going to finally be my year. I’m going to lose weight, start a business, and fall in love.” Many people make wishful proclamations such as these every January, but few people actually put forth any significant effort. If you’re not putting action behind what you say you want you’re probably lying to yourself about what you want or how bad you want it. Ultimately, you feel like a failure because you didn’t accomplish your goal. In reality, the goal might not be what you really wanted. It may be what you think you need in order to have something else. For example, you may tell yourself you need to wear a certain clothing size to attract a mate. Because you’re not being honest with yourself about what you really want your behavior is out of alignment. If your behavior does not align with your proclamations ask yourself why not. Be open to reconsidering your goals.

3. You make extreme statements

You are either paranoid or extreme or both.  If you think everyone is out to get you or that you never get any good opportunities you’re lying to yourself.  Or you make extreme statements such as, “There are no good men around.” You are committed to one vantage point without healthy consideration of other possibilities. You avoid rational ideas. You may be hiding behind an insecurity that you have. Could it be that you’re afraid of success or falling in love? As long as you believe extreme, irrational thoughts you don’t have to make an effort or put yourself out there. You may feel safe, but you won’t achieve what you really want. Consider all possibilities available to you. Consider new thoughts.

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4. You feel inauthentic

People who are lying to themselves sometimes wonder, “Who am I?” You’ve been inauthentic for so long you no longer know who you really are or feel comfortable in your own skin. You don’t know what you want. You don’t know what makes you happy anymore. You laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. You go places you don’t enjoy. You buy things you cannot afford. You’ve lost touch with yourself so you try to fit in with everyone else. Take note of how you feel throughout the day. What things make you feel alive? What things make you feel inauthentic or uncomfortable with yourself? Follow the things that make you come alive.

5. You are not open to input from others

Often there are times you don’t even want to know or accept that you are lying to yourself. You believe that what you believe is the only thing that matters. Therefore, you shut out any commentary from outsiders. You don’t want their input, differing perspective or opinion. This would only shine light on the fact that you are lying to yourself and force you to own up to it. Learn to accept feedback from people you trust so that you can know your truth.

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6. You are never wrong

No matter what happened it wasn’t your fault. Even if it was your fault you convince yourself that it was not. Your last breakup was her fault. So was the breakup before that one and the previous one too. The problem with this is that you will never right your wrongs or learn from your mistakes. You tend to repeat the same scenario over and over again with different people or places. You lie to yourself because you cannot accept that maybe it’s you. Let me assure you, it is you. And that’s okay. Learn from it, grow, and do better in the future.

7. You find yourself in over your head

You go after things you’re not equipped to handle because you’ve over-exaggerated your abilities. You find yourself in situations where you can’t deliver what you said you would deliver. You tell yourself you can do anything. You’re not being honest about your skill set, personality or knowledge. Be honest about what you can and cannot do. What you can’t do today may be achievable in the future if you educate yourself. The key is to first acknowledge that you don’t know what you don’t know.

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Last Updated on July 27, 2020

7 Ways to Make Life Changing Decisions

7 Ways to Make Life Changing Decisions

Most people don’t know the profound effects of making life decisions. Often times, we go through life oblivious to what thoughts we are thinking and what actions we are taking. Every single decision we make in our days shapes our current reality. It shapes who we are as a person because we habitually follow through with the decisions we make without even realizing it.

If you’re unhappy with the results in your life right now, making the effort to changing your decisions starting today will be the key to creating the person you want to be and the life you want to have in the future.

Let’s talk about the 7 ways you can go about making life changing decisions.

1. Realize the Power of Decision Making

Before you start making a decision, you have to understand what a decision does.

Any decision that you make causes a chain of events to happen. When you decide to pick up a cigarette to smoke it, that decision might result in you picking up another one later on to get that same high feeling. After a day, you may have gone through a pack without knowing it. But if you decide not to smoke that first cigarette and make a decision every five minutes to focus your attention somewhere else when you get that craving, after doing this for a week, your cravings will eventually subside and you will become smoke-free.

But it comes down to making that very first decision of deciding whether or not to pick up that cigarette.

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2. Go with Your Gut

Often times, we take too much time to make a decision because we’re afraid of what’s going to happen. As a result of this, we go through things like careful planning, deep analysis, and pros and cons before deciding. This is a very time consuming process.

Instead, learn to trust your gut instinct. For the most part, your first instinct is usually the one that is correct or the one that you truly wanted to go with.

Even if you end up making a mistake, going with your gut still makes you a more confident decision maker compared to someone who takes all day to decide.

3. Carry Your Decision Out

When you make a decision, act on it. Commit to making a real decision.

What’s a real decision? It’s when you decide on something, and that decision is carried out through action. It’s pointless to make a decision and have it played out in your head, but not doing anything about it. That’s the same as not making a decision at all.

If you want to make real changes in life, you have to make it a habit to apply action with your decision until it’s completed. By going through this so many times, you will feel more confident with accomplishing the next decision that you have in mind.

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4. Tell Others About Your Decisions

There’s something about telling other people what we’re going to do that makes us follow through.

For example, for the longest time, I’ve been trying to become an early riser. Whenever I tried to use my own willpower, waking up early without falling back asleep felt impossible. So what I did was I went to a forum and made the decision to tell people that I would wake up at 6 AM and stay up. Within two days, I was able to accomplish doing this because I felt a moral obligation to follow through with my words even though I failed the first time.

Did people care? Probably not, but just the fact that there might be someone else out there seeing if you’re telling the truth will give you enough motivation to following through with your decision.

5. Learn from Your Past Decisions

Even after I failed to follow through my decision the first time when I told people I was going to wake up early and stay up, I didn’t give up. I basically asked myself, “What can I do this time to make it work tomorrow?”

The truth is, you are going to mess up at times when it comes to making decisions. Instead of beating yourself up over it, learn something from it.

Ask yourself, what was good about the decision I made? What was bad about it? What can I learn from it so I can make a better decision next time?

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Remember, don’t put so much emphasis focusing on short term effects; instead focus on the long term effects.

6. Maintain a Flexible Approach

I know this might sound counter-intuitive, but making a decision doesn’t mean that you can’t be open to other options.

For example, let’s say you made the decision to lose ten pounds by next month through cardio. If something comes up, you don’t have to just do cardio. You can be open to losing weight through different methods of dieting as long as it helps you reach your goal in the end.

Don’t be stubborn to seek out only one way of making a decision. Embrace any new knowledge that brings you closer to accomplishing your initial decision.

7. Have Fun Making Decisions

Finally, enjoy the process. I know decision-making might not be the most fun thing world to do, but when you do it often, it becomes a game of opportunity.

You’ll learn a lot about yourself on the way, you’ll feel and become a lot more confident when you’re with yourself and around others, and making decisions will just become a lot easier after you do it so often that you won’t even think about it.

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Anything you decide to do from this point on can have a profound effect later on. Opportunities are always waiting for you. Examine the decisions that you currently have in the day.

Are there any that can be changed to improve your life in some way? Are there any decisions that you can make today that can create a better tomorrow?

Final Thoughts

Some decisions in life are harder to make, but with these 7 pieces of advice, you can trust yourself more even when you’re making some of the most important decisions.

Making a decision is the only way to move forward. So remember, any decision is better than none at all.

More Tips for Making Better Decisions

Featured photo credit: Justin Luebke via unsplash.com

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