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7 Signs You Are Lying To Yourself And You Don’t Know It

7 Signs You Are Lying To Yourself And You Don’t Know It

We all despise being lied to. If asked what characteristic we least like in a person most of us would say dishonesty. Yet, sometimes the person telling us the biggest lies is the person looking back at us in the mirror. Yes, we lie to ourselves all the time. We lie because we are afraid, we feel inadequate, or we feel ashamed. We believe that if we were different somehow or if we were right for doing the wrong things we did our lives would be better. The truth is, the best life is the life we live when we’re completely honest with ourselves about ourselves. Here are seven signs you are lying to yourself and don’t know it so that you can finally learn to tell yourself the truth:

1. Your emotions don’t match your words

Have you ever tried to convince yourself that you were not hurt or angry, but your emotions told a different story? You have tears running down your face or steam coming out your ears even though you say everything is fine. Your emotions may even catch you off guard. You wonder where did these tears come from or why you are so mad. When your emotions do not match how you say or think you feel there’s a good chance that you are lying to yourself. Facing the truth about how you feel allows you to address what is or is not working in that moment. Acknowledge how you really feel and express those feelings constructively. If you’re hurt don’t be afraid to say you’re hurt. Honesty is where true healing or resolution comes from.

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2. Your behavior doesn’t align with your proclamations

“This year is going to finally be my year. I’m going to lose weight, start a business, and fall in love.” Many people make wishful proclamations such as these every January, but few people actually put forth any significant effort. If you’re not putting action behind what you say you want you’re probably lying to yourself about what you want or how bad you want it. Ultimately, you feel like a failure because you didn’t accomplish your goal. In reality, the goal might not be what you really wanted. It may be what you think you need in order to have something else. For example, you may tell yourself you need to wear a certain clothing size to attract a mate. Because you’re not being honest with yourself about what you really want your behavior is out of alignment. If your behavior does not align with your proclamations ask yourself why not. Be open to reconsidering your goals.

3. You make extreme statements

You are either paranoid or extreme or both.  If you think everyone is out to get you or that you never get any good opportunities you’re lying to yourself.  Or you make extreme statements such as, “There are no good men around.” You are committed to one vantage point without healthy consideration of other possibilities. You avoid rational ideas. You may be hiding behind an insecurity that you have. Could it be that you’re afraid of success or falling in love? As long as you believe extreme, irrational thoughts you don’t have to make an effort or put yourself out there. You may feel safe, but you won’t achieve what you really want. Consider all possibilities available to you. Consider new thoughts.

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4. You feel inauthentic

People who are lying to themselves sometimes wonder, “Who am I?” You’ve been inauthentic for so long you no longer know who you really are or feel comfortable in your own skin. You don’t know what you want. You don’t know what makes you happy anymore. You laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. You go places you don’t enjoy. You buy things you cannot afford. You’ve lost touch with yourself so you try to fit in with everyone else. Take note of how you feel throughout the day. What things make you feel alive? What things make you feel inauthentic or uncomfortable with yourself? Follow the things that make you come alive.

5. You are not open to input from others

Often there are times you don’t even want to know or accept that you are lying to yourself. You believe that what you believe is the only thing that matters. Therefore, you shut out any commentary from outsiders. You don’t want their input, differing perspective or opinion. This would only shine light on the fact that you are lying to yourself and force you to own up to it. Learn to accept feedback from people you trust so that you can know your truth.

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6. You are never wrong

No matter what happened it wasn’t your fault. Even if it was your fault you convince yourself that it was not. Your last breakup was her fault. So was the breakup before that one and the previous one too. The problem with this is that you will never right your wrongs or learn from your mistakes. You tend to repeat the same scenario over and over again with different people or places. You lie to yourself because you cannot accept that maybe it’s you. Let me assure you, it is you. And that’s okay. Learn from it, grow, and do better in the future.

7. You find yourself in over your head

You go after things you’re not equipped to handle because you’ve over-exaggerated your abilities. You find yourself in situations where you can’t deliver what you said you would deliver. You tell yourself you can do anything. You’re not being honest about your skill set, personality or knowledge. Be honest about what you can and cannot do. What you can’t do today may be achievable in the future if you educate yourself. The key is to first acknowledge that you don’t know what you don’t know.

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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