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10 German Jokes That Are Actually Funny

10 German Jokes That Are Actually Funny

If you thought that the Germans are not a funny group, then check out these hilarious jokes and have a laugh!

1. They have kangaroos in Germany?

English translation:

— Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

— Yes! Because a house can’t jump.

Original German:

— Kann ein Känguru höher als ein Haus springen?

— Ja! Weil ein Haus nicht springen kann.

2. You thought that ice was free?

English translation:

— “But Waiter, the coffee is cold!”

— “Thanks for telling me, sir! Ice coffee is one Euro more….”

Original German:

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“Aber Herr Ober, der Kaffee ist ja kalt!” “Gut, dass Sie mir das sagen, mein Herr! Eiskaffee kostet nämlich einen Euro mehr …”

3. The only thing funnier than Germans is German grammar

English translation:

The German teacher asks Bini: “What case is it, if you say “Learning brings me joy?” Bini considers briefly: “A rare one, Mr. Teacher.”

Original German:

Der Deutschlehrer fragt Bini: “Was ist das für ein Fall, wenn du sagst: Das Lernen macht mir Freude?” Bini überlegt nicht lange: “Ein seltener, Herr Lehrer.”

4. Husbands hate shopping in every language, apparently

English translation:

— “Boss, can I leave work two hours early today? My wife wants me to go shopping with her.”

— “That’s out of the question.”

— “Thanks, boss! I knew you wouldn’t let me down.

Original German:

“Chef, darf ich heute zwei Stunden früher Schluss machen? Meine Frau will mit mir einkaufen gehen.” “Kommt gar nicht in Frage.” “Vielen Dank Chef, ich wusste, sie würden mich nicht im Stich lassen.”

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5. Apparently crimes work better in rural places

English translation:

The judge to the accused: “You are accused of having driven your neighbors into the forest with curse words and there beaten them quite horribly. Didn’t you go a little far, Defendant.?” Answer: “Yes, that’s right, Your Honor, I should have done it earlier in the meadow!”

Original German:

Der Richter zum Angeklagten: “Sie sind beschuldigt, Ihren Nachbarn unter Schimpfworten in den Wald getrieben und dort ganz fürchterlich verprügelt zu haben. Sind Sie da nicht ein bisschen zu weit gegangen, Angeklagter?” Antwort: “Ja, das stimmt, Herr Richter! Ich hätte es schon vorher auf der Wiese tun sollen!”

6. Papa needs his medicine

English translation:

An old woman drinks whisky for the first time. She thinks for a while, and then says: “Strange, the stuff tastes exactly like the medicine my late husband had to take for twenty years!”

Original German:

Eine alte Dame trinkt zum ersten Mal Whisky. Sie überlegt eine Weile und meint dann: “Merkwürdig, das Zeug schmeckt genau so wie die Medizin, die mein seliger Mann zwanzig Jahre einnehmen musste.”

7. Guys, gross…

English translation:

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I have a bowel movement every morning at 7!

Doctor: But that’s great!

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Patient: But I wake up at 7:30!

Original German:

Herr Doktor, Herr Doktor, ich hab jeden Morgen um 7 Uhr Stuhlgang!” – “Ja, das ist doch sehr gut!” – “Aber ich steh erst um halb acht auf!”

8. Nothing like a little divorce humor

English translation:

— What do women and hand grenades have in common?

— When you pull the ring off, your house goes away.

Original German:

— Was haben Frauen und Handgranaten gemeinsam?

— Ziehst du den Ring ab, ist dein Haus weg!

9. Germans do love their dogs….

English translation:

My dog used to chase after people on a bike, until I took away his bike.

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Original German:

Mein Hund jagte immer Leuten auf dem Fahrrad hinterher, bis ich ihm das Fahrrad wegnahm!

10. TBH we don’t really get this one

English translation:

—“Hey Philipp, how was your vacation?”

—“Horrible! In the hotel I had room number 100. And the 1 fell off the sign on the door!”

Original German:

—”Hey Philipp, wie war denn der Urlaub?”

—”Gräßlich! Im Hotel hatte ich Zimmernummer hundert. Und vom Türschild ist die Eins abgefallen!”

(Hint: In Germany public restrooms are marked with 00.)

Featured photo credit: meenakshi madhavan via flickr.com

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Last Updated on March 24, 2021

8 Smart Home Gadgets You Need in Your House

8 Smart Home Gadgets You Need in Your House

We’ve all done it. We’ve gone out and bought useless gadgets that we don’t really need, just because they seemed really cool at the time. Then, we are stuck with a bunch of junk, and end up tossing it or trying to sell it on Ebay.

On the other hand, there are some pretty awesome tech inventions that are actually useful. For instance, many of the latest home gadgets do some of your work for you, from adjusting the home thermostat to locking your front door. And, if used as designed, these tools should really help to make your life a lot easier—and that’s not just a claim from some infomercial trying to sell you yet another useless gadget.

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Take a look at some of the most popular “smart gadgets” on the market:

1. Smart Door Locks

A smart lock lets you lock and unlock your doors by using your smartphone, a special key fob, or biometrics. These locks are keyless, and much more difficult for intruders to break into, making your home a lot safer. You can even use a special app to let people into your home if you are not there to greet them.

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2. Smart Kitchen Tools

Wouldn’t you just love to have a pot of coffee waiting for you when you get home from work? What about a “smart pan” that tells you exactly when you need to flip that omelet? From meat thermometers to kitchen scales, you’ll find a variety of “smart” gadgets designed to make culinary geeks salivate.

3. Mini Home Speaker Play:1

If you love big sound, but hate how much space big speakers take up, and if you want a stereo system that is no bigger than your fist, check out the Play:1 mini speaker. All you have to do is plug it in, connect, and then you can stream without worrying about any interruptions or interface. You can even add onto it, and have different music playing in different rooms.

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4. Wi-Fi Security Cameras

These are the latest in home security, and they connect to the Wi-Fi in your home. You can use your mobile devices to monitor what is going on in your home at all times, no matter where you are. Options include motion sensors, two-way audio, and different recording options.

5. Nest Thermostat

This is a thermostat that lives with you. It can sense seasonal changes, temperature changes, etc., and it will adjust itself automatically. You will never have to fiddle with a thermostat dial or keypad again, because this one basically does all of the work for you. It can also help you to save as much as 12% on heating bills, and 15% on cooling bills.

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6. Smart Lighting

Control your home lighting from your remote device. This is great if you are out and want to make sure that there are some lights on. It is designed to be energy efficient, so it will pay for itself over time because you won’t have to spend so much on your monthly energy bills.

7. Google Chromecast Ultra

Whether you love movies, television shows, music, etc., you can stream it all using Google Chromecast Ultra. Stream all of the entertainment you love in up to 4K UHD and HDR, for just $69 monthly.

8. Canary

This home security system will automatically contact emergency services when they are needed. This system offers both video and audio surveillance, so there will be evidence if there are any break-ins on your property. You can also use it to check up on what’s happening at home when you are not there, including to make sure the kids are doing their homework.

Featured photo credit: Karolina via kaboompics.com

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