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8 Ways to Stay Sober in the New Year

8 Ways to Stay Sober in the New Year

Making the decision to stay sober is a brave and life-changing choice. It is also a challenge. But by taking the right steps to avoid alcohol in the New Year, you can win the battle and lead a healthier life.

You’ve made the decision. Now you need a plan. A plan to avoid relapsing. According to an article by Warren Thompson, MD, FACP, more than 80 percent of patients who choose to stop drinking wind up relapsing within the first year. You don’t have to be part of this statistic. Use these eight tips to help you create a bigger and brighter future.

1. Surround Yourself with a Strong Group of Sober Friends

If you continue to socialize with your former drinking buddies, you’re more likely to relapse. Few peers may understand your desire to become sober. They might say things like “Oh, come on. It’s Friday. One drink can’t hurt.”

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But you know that one drink will lead to two drinks, which will likely lead to doing a few shots. The next thing you know, you’ll be back at square one—you won’t remember weekends and thanks to the need to satisfy your constant craving, weeks will blur by, even blend together. You’ll be frustrated by your inability to master the addiction. It’s important to remember that consuming alcohol doesn’t make you the life of the party.

Surrounding yourself with people who don’t drink can have an enormously positive impact on your decision to stay sober. You can still go out and have a good time, even without alcohol in the equation. Get a group of friends together to spend an evening at the local bowling alley, go see the biggest box office hit, spend a day at the mall. Surrounding yourself with people who won’t pressure or influence you to drink is one of the most powerful steps you can take on your journey to recovery.

2. Spend Time with Family Members Who Support You

One of the strongest support groups anyone who is struggling with a drug or alcohol addiction can have is their family. Of course, you may have family members who aren’t committed to staying on the same path, which can cause you to stumble a bit yourself. For some, alcoholism may run in the family. Be careful and spread your time wisely; you shouldn’t spend much of it with those who exhibit poor drinking habits. It’s best to spend time with those in your family who are committed to alcohol-free lifestyles, who support your life-altering decision, in order to ensure you avoid relapsing.

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3. Find a New Hobby or Creative Outlet

One of the first things you’ll realize when you stop drinking is how much time and money you wasted drinking in the past. It’s time to find new activities to fill that time void. Maybe you’ve always wanted to try creative writing. Why not give it a shot? It’s significantly less costly—all you need is a computer or paper and a writing utensil. Or maybe try computer gaming, a great stress reliever. The activity doesn’t have to be anything that will change the world, but it does need to fill up that extra time with something you enjoy, or you could find yourself wandering back out to bars to alleviate your boredom.

4. Spend Less Time with Individuals Not Living the Sober Lifestyle

It’s not always realistic to cut yourself off completely from every peer who drinks. Your best friend may have a beer or two every weekend, and you know how much you enjoy each other’s company when you’ve got nowhere else to be and the work week has come to a close. Sitting by his side and unwinding after a hectic past five days, cursing every driver who cut you off, has become a weekend tradition. But now you have trouble focusing on anything other than the beer he’s sipping while you go off about the new guy at work. It’s time to cut back on that time and toss in some time with other friends or the hobby you’ve taken up.

5. Spend Time Away from Bars, Restaurants and Other Destinations that may Trigger Memories

Not all memories from your non-sober life are bad. In fact, you probably had many great times with girlfriends and peers in bars, restaurants, and other places where you drank. However, you must remember that the health benefits, saved money, new respect, and safer lifestyle far outweigh the positive memories these locations will invoke. Returning to your old “watering holes” will probably leave you with your guard down and susceptible to drinking again.

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6. Let Go of All Feelings of Doubt about Your Sobriety

The actress Sigourney Weaver once said, “I feel self-doubt whether I’m doing something hard or easy.” It’s true that we all unjustly doubt ourselves almost all the time and often for no good reason. When it comes to becoming sober, however, doubting your ability to overcome the challenge is nothing short of debilitating. Of course you can do it. You just need to commit to the change, have a plan in place, and then stick to the plan.

7. Spend Time Exercising in Order to Take Care of Your Physical Health

Now that you have decided to live a healthier life by becoming sober, be sure to also start exercising. The first month will be difficult, but once you get into a normal health routine you’re bound to feel better, be more positive, and improve your overall self-image. People will notice that you are taking care of yourself and comment on the positive change, which will also help you stay focused on improving your overall health by staying sober.

8. Keep a Journal to Document Your Journey into Sobriety to Serve as an Outlet

During your transition to sobriety, you’ll be forced to face emotions you most likely spent years trying to suppress by drowning in the bottle. Keeping a journal is an excellent way to document your transition, tracking the progress and struggles you experience during this major life change. Maintaining regular journal entries can also help you better communicate with a counselor who can help you along the road to recovery. It’s also an effective way of alleviating stress and worry.

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If you or someone you know is struggling with an alcohol addiction, contact High Focus Centers today for more information on how to overcome the battle against alcoholism. Call 1-800-877-3628 or visit our website today to find out how we can help pave a better future for your tomorrow.

Featured photo credit: Photo by: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Dan Gellman

Director of Marketing for High Focus Centers

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with It and Enjoy the Ride

13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with It and Enjoy the Ride

Fear. I spend my life talking about fear — fighting fears, fixing fears and understanding fears. And yet I doubt I get 10 calls a year from people saying “Mandie can you help me fix my fear?”

Why is this so critically important to you?

The realization for me is that fear is not the fundamental driving force in your life it’s what regardless of whether I’m talking to a doctor, a teacher, a CEO’s, a senior citizens or teenager – every single one of those conversations has a direct correlation with your world.

Fear can range from the overwhelming desire to look away or stop in your tracks to literally fleeing your country and the life you knew. In this article, I will share you with 13 tips to face your fears and enjoy the ride.

1. Know That Fear Is Real, but Can Be Overcome

Right now around the world people are facing fear — real fear. Fear that I pray my children and I will never experience. Does that lessen my fears or your fears in your relativity safe 21st century life?

When I look at the world we all live in, I find that fear like so many other emotions can mean so many different things to so many different people:

  • The child who has to be physically dragged to their first day of school.
  • The man facing the judge.
  • The woman with her hand poised over the buttons over her phone because she has to walk down a dark corridor late at night alone.
  • The man as the surgeon says “count backwards from 10 Mr Smith.”
  • The woman that’s told “We are sorry, we can’t help you.”
  • The man that faces the empty circle of a gun and prays for his very existence.

These and a million more (Portrayed in every kind of movie, book or song you could imagine) are what make us human. We face fear and somehow move forward or are stopped in our tracks.

Like the rabbit in the headlights of the car that veers off through the field away from the tyres of the car or stays still praying for salvation. Like someone will save them. Sound familiar?

Fear is huge. Fear is everywhere and yet fear can be overcome, controlled and can even be a power for good.

2. Accept Your Fear

Firstly if you aren’t facing the barrel of the gun, atrocities that make the news or impeding death, that’s a good start. However it doesn’t mean your fear is any less real.

We are quick to say “I can’t moan, my life is not as bad as X.” While in theory, that’s honorable your appreciation of Mr. or Mrs. X’s horrific life won’t change anything directly. So accept your fear is relative to you.

And here’s what can be done.

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3. Get Some Perspective

I found myself asking anyone that would answer “what is your worst fear”. The answer that intrigued me the most came from my daughter (15 years old and she usually has a copy of Fight the Fear – my book – in her school bag so she can help someone else be as positive and confident as her. No matter what life throws up.)

And her fear, surprised me — heights. I pointed out that we live in a sprawling bungalow (one storey) and the highest she goes is two storeys’ at school! She laughed but added, fear isn’t like that Mum. I know it’s not a real fear, but it’s like when you stand on a chair and feel unsafe.

That girl will go far. Because she truly gets fear.

We know something is scary and yet we still do it. Why? Because we have a perspective to the fear. When you lose perspective, it can feel too big, and too scary.

So look around you to get some perspective on your fear:

  • Are you really at risk?
  • Will this kill you?
  • Which leads us on to..
  • If the worse was to happen what would it be?

4. Hold a Hand

As a coach, it is my job to holds someone’s metaphorical hand and help them face a fear.

Like the child petrified of the thunder storm or the teen that can’t get back in a car again after failing their test, your job as a parent is to reassure, encourage, enable and motivate someone to face something that ideally they never would choose to again.

We know many of our fears aren’t real. However, it is only when someone guides us with love, respect, lack of judgement and safety are we able to get through fear. And trust me, you can get through your fears. I’ve seen it so many times.

Ask yourself:

  • If the worse were to happen, what would that be?
  • Could that really happen?
  • If the worse did happen, how would you recover?
  • If the worse were to happen, what would you need to do next?

By seeing fear as not the end destination but part of being human, you can see through it’s wily evil ways and move forward.

5. Know Whose Hand You Hold Either Physically or Emotionally

This helps with fears for the rest of your life.

Think of someone you can always rely on (and ideally you won’t just answer yourself because that adds a lot of pressure to your existence!) And you will find that you’ve already found a way to get through fear.

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The beauty of this is that it means that fear becomes part of life not something to be feared and shied away from.

It means you know you can turn to your friend, partner, colleague, parent, sibling and say “Right I need to deal with this, and I’m going to need you to help me.”

For one moment, think about it from the other person’s view point. When we get to help other people we feel valued, loved, respected and lots of other positive emotions and we get a good dose of positive chemicals setting off in our bodies too.

Your fear, and your determination to fight it, helped someone else too. Now that’s cool right?

6. Understand That There Are Some Things Fear Will Never Touch

I like to find role models in life — people who have faced heroism, history changing moments, war, atrocities, miracles, life saving inventions.

Not everyone was looking for greatness, however they all found it. And one of my favourite books to date is written about Alistair Urquhart, the forgotten highlander. If this doesn’t get turned into a film in the future, then no man’s story is likely to.

Alistair went through the most horrific experiences in the 2nd world war. If you think of one of the awful things that happened back then in our world, Alistair went through at least 3 of them! Asked afterwards how did you cope? He talked about how whatever they did to his body, no matter how they starved, tortured, threatened or mocked him, they couldn’t have his mind. In his mind he was free.

Of all the people’s voices I’ve heard in my head over the years, this is one of those statements that reminds me anything is possible if you have faith and hope.

Look for the things in life that fear can’t touch. They will create confidence and faith for the future, whatever you face. And they will give you a sense of why being you is awesome.

Of all the billions of people on this planet, no one will have an answer identical to yours!

7. Process Your Fears to Carry on with Life

Being brave is not about sticking your chest out and smiling regardless of what hell you endure. It is about finding a way to emotionally process your fears to be able to keep going.

I have a tool kit of things I can rely on – tools, strategies, techniques. They include people to hug or talk to, music. hobbies, walks on the beach and even my favourite food. It sounds mad but at the times where I have questioned “how will I get through this?” I’ve found immense joy in doing the most unlikely of thing that makes me smile.

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It may be a short lived moment of happiness. However, it reminded that nothing stays the same and I can find away.

One client told me that it was crazy when it felt like their world was falling around their ears to run a bath to the brim (you don’t waste water) get the best bath oils, light too many candles, lock the door and drink a glass of bubbly (champagne is only for special occasions.)

Did that moment fix the disaster that my clients life felt? No, however it gave them a moment of calm and the brain is far quicker to find solutions, resolve and motivation to keep going when you do that.

It may feel like madness to do something you love, however it can be a powerful way to help you find solutions to the fears you face in life.

8. Assume the Worse

If you read the statement from the client above. Notice how they assumed it was wrong to fill the bath up to the top? How bubbly is only for special occasions?

Think how naughty they felt to be doing something that was not allowed?

  • Think about what age it may have made them feel?
  • Think about how they feel about champagne?
  • What special moments it’s been a part of in their lives?

And you can see how the assumptions they made about their “right” to have these things was not healthy.

When I drag the assumptions out of people’s words for them to see, they are often struck by how negative the words make them feel.

Don’t assume your words aren’t impacting on you. You can go through fear and actually enjoy the ride when you take the time to understand how you are letting words get to you.

9. Take a Fear That Feels Insurmountable Right Now.

If you were to repeat it to me out loud, what would you say?

Would you have blame on yourself in there? Would you assume others can do it and it’s just you? Would you feel small, unsuccessful, useless, unworthy?

Usually, when you do this exercise, you are able to spot the untruths that run wild in your head convincing you that you are doomed. And rarely when we are faced with our assumptions is there is a lot of evidence to them.

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10. You Are Not Defined by Your Fear

One fear does not define your life – be mindful of that. It is likely to lead you to thinking of all the times you’ve succeeded and bring a moment of calm, confidence and faith back to you.

11. Go with Fear

When you learn to go with fear, you could find yourself actually having fun, no seriously – having fun.

I have a few amazing clients I’m working with right now who would describe themselves as life long worriers, or pessimists. In the past that has served them well, enabling them to keep safe, steer clear of risks and even develop strategies in the event of disasters. However, now they find it’s becoming hard to break the cycle and they really want to because it’s holding them back.

Notice how they’ve found their hidden fears and want to face them?

One client said “I knew this was going to be tough, and I knew I couldn’t fight it alone and I knew you would be the one to help me.” Before I sat an incredibly successful, confident, capable business owner with a family and a social life to die for.

However, I’ve learned that the most successful looking lives can hide things that impact on life, success, love, happiness and business.

We didn’t start with the fear that they felt was holding them back, we broke the fear down, and found lots of little obstacles that had been deemed as “life” and “unchangeable” and “that’s just the way it is” by developing awareness to the little steps on the road to their obstacles to happiness and success they were able to tackle them in a different way.

12. Discover Great Skills in Your Scary Moments

And in that clients words “I came here to work with you to grow my company, and my own personal skills. I didn’t expect to get the children to be cleaning up after themselves and my partner being more attentive! It all feels a little magic.”

The moral is that out of the scariest of moments, we can find great skills we didn’t know we had. Find better, healthier, happier ways to live and find ways to enjoy life more. (And have a bit of magic!)

What a great place to be in ready for the next fear that thinks it’s going to get in the way of you, right?

13. Own Your Fear

Think back over these tips and come up with at least one example for each one. Write them down. Put them on your phone. Turn them into a piece of art. Turn them into a poem. Frame them. Go for a fast walk across the fields, beach, down town and repeat these things in your head to the sound of your feet on the ground.

We rarely take the time to appreciate how far we have come, how much we can achieve or what we are capable of – by really owning the tips in this article you will have given your brain a big fat dose of “Damn right I can do this!” and the motivation and accountability to say “Let’s find a way” through any fear.

You can’t help but feel good when you see that can you? And fear doesn’t stand a chance, does it?

More Resources About Fighting Fear

Featured photo credit: Ben White via unsplash.com

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