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8 Insanely Effective Ways To Connect With Anyone You Meet

8 Insanely Effective Ways To Connect With Anyone You Meet

It all starts with connection. Connection is how friendships begin, how love grows, and how we support other on life’s journey. Connection helps us to be better lovers and better parents. It enables us to make more of an impact in people’s lives and greatly enriches our own lives. Connection allows us to grow in our careers — if we can connect with others, we can close the deal, encourage our coworkers, and communicate more effectively.

Connecting with others and building a tribe of encouraging, supportive, passionate people is incredibly essential to an awesome life.

Connecting with people who are similar to us is relatively easy. When we have common interests and personalities, we “get” each other. Making connections with people who are very different from us, however, is sometimes quite challenging. Yet it’s important to be able to connect with people who have different strengths than we do.

Here are 8 ways to connect with anyone you meet.

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1. Pay attention

When someone is talking to you, listen. Period. When you don’t listen, it makes the other person feel like you don’t care. If you’re not sure about your listening skills, ask friends and family if they feel like you listen when you have conversations with them.

When you’re listening, make eye contact. When you look away frequently, check your phone, or scan the room when someone’s talking to you, it appears that you’re not listening and you destroy the conversation.

2. Seek feedback

To improve your ability to instantly connect with others, seek feedback on your communication skills. One great way to do this is to join a speaking group such as Toastmasters. Toastmasters groups give you opportunities to speak and get helpful feedback from group members regarding your message delivery, body language, and pace. By learning how to be a more effective speaker, you will be on your way to connecting with others.

3. Ask questions

In every conversation, focus on getting to know the other person. People love to talk about themselves. Have you ever met someone and thought, “Wow, that person is awesome” and realized you hardly learned anything about him or her? Chances are, it’s because that person was focused on getting to know you — you were likely asked a lot of questions and spend a good amount of time happily talking about yourself. Be the person in the conversation who asks the questions. Allow others to open up to you and share about themselves.

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If you know ahead of time who you’ll be meeting with, do some research to learn about them. This can add depth to your questions and improve your connection.

4. Remember their name

We’ve all met people who say “I’m so bad with names.” That’s not a good way to start forming a connection. Do your best to remember the names of the people you meet. Repeat their name several times, associate it with something memorable or funny (in your head), introduce them to others so you need to state their name out loud — whatever you need to do to remember their name, do it! Remembering who you’re talking to is a key to making them feel important and connect with them.

5. Don’t pretend you know everything

In this article, Graham Young describes the difficulty people have with this concept. He writes, “When talking with others, we often want to show that we are educated and knowledgeable. It can be hard for some people to admit they are learning something new for the first time.” He describes how many leaders have a hard time taking advice because they feel they should know everything, and that employees try hard to prove themselves and not expose any of their personal weaknesses.This combination can cause communication breakdown because neither side acknowledges what the other side tells them. When this connection is dysfunctional, growth and progress are limited. Graham’s advice is to be aware of your ego and work on preventing it from controlling how you behave. Be willing to learn from others and take advice.

When you converse with others, don’t pretend you know everything about everything. It turns people off and decreases your ability to connect with them.

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6. Care about others

Nothing else really matters if you don’t act like you care about those around you. Add value to their lives. Go out of your way to help them. Be encouraging, positive, uplifting, and supportive. Say thank you for small things and big things. Whether you send a text, call them, write a note, or give a gift, frequently thank others for helping you and for who they are in general. People love feeling appreciated and cared about.

7. See a room full of friends

When you enter a room, picture everyone there as friends to meet instead of strangers. This will decrease the intimidation factor. Plus, if you’re showing up at the same event or know some of the same people, you probably have something in common with them. Greet them as if they are friends.

8. Connect in person

In today’s world, you can definitely start connecting with others online, but nothing beats getting together in person. Get out from behind your desk and spend time with people at your favorite inspiring places.

Connecting with people can greatly change your life and the lives of others.

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My challenge for you today is to make an effort to connect with someone — then send me a note at kerry@yourstreamlinedlife.com and tell me how it went.

Featured photo credit: Smile because you want to/Rory MacLeod via flickr.com

More by this author

Dr. Kerry Petsinger

Entrepreneur, Mindset & Performance Coach, & Doctor of Physical Therapy

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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