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Do These 20 Simple Things To Treat Yourself With Love and Kindness

Do These 20 Simple Things To Treat Yourself With Love and Kindness

Even the most highly evolved person can remain their own worst critic. As we strive to become more loving and accepting of others, we must first direct the love and acceptance toward ourselves. This is called self-compassion. According to Kristin Neff , a scientist whose research focuses on self-compassion, we need to begin by quieting our own inner critic. She identifies the three components of self-compassion as self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self-kindness is the desire to alleviate suffering. Treating oneself with care and understanding. Common humanity is our ability to see our personal experience as part of a larger human experience. Mindfulness is the ability stay present and avoid emotional extremes or suppression.

Why Don’t People Show Themselves Compassion?

In our busy lives we often want to rush right into problem solving mode before we have actually spent a moment feeling our feelings. Accepting them. And deciding why we feel that way and if it works for us. Why isn’t this self-compassionate way of thinking more prevalent? Some of the reasons people don’t afford themselves compassion and love include:

  1. Confusing self-compassion with a pity party.
  2. Difficulty interpreting the difference constructive criticism and bullying.
  3. Seeing self-care as over-indulgent
  4. Misinterpreting our compassion as excuses for our short-comings.
  5. Believing that the best way to motivate yourself to change is by being critical of you are today.

The good thing is that once you cultivate an attitude of acceptance for yourself you will find these benefits accompany it. For example, self-compassion offers the same advantages as high self-esteem and people who love themselves have steadier emotions. When people who accept themselves are able to discuss their negatives, they are able to buffer the emotional blow by using “we” instead of me as they share common humanity. Other benefits of self acceptance are compassion for yourself, freeing yourself from comparison to others, and increasing happiness.

20 Ways to Treat Yourself with Kindness

If you are convinced that being loving, kind, and accepting of yourself is something to prioritize, here are 20 ways to start treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Pick a few to try each day.

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1. Take a walk

2. Indulge in a treat like imported cheese, chocolate or some salty fries

3. Buy a new book

4. Have a picnic lunch

5. Skip a chore you really dislike

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6. Plant a flower

7. Throw yourself a kitchen dance party while you cook

8. Use the good dishes and make your table Martha Stewart worthy

9. Wear your most comfortable clothing

10. Clear your closet clutter and donate the things you don’t need to someone who needs them

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11. Give yourself a facial

12. Smile at yourself in the mirror

13. Listen to an inspiring podcast

14. Start a gratitude journal- list three things you are thankful for every night before you go to bed

15. Buy a better pillow- sleep well and your day will feel more smooth and relaxed

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16. Have coffee with a friend you haven’t seen in awhile

17. Invite someone intriguing but outside your normal social circle to lunch or to dinner

18. Plan a party

19. Register for a retreat

20. Pick one thing you have always wanted to do (like flying lessons or hot yoga) and do it!

Deciding to focus on habits that help you to flourish means knowing a bit about what boosts you happiness. For some it’s time alone, for others, a party. Becoming a student of who you are and what you like will help provide clarity as to how you can use simple hacks to increase your self-acceptance. When you love yourself this energy causes you to become more attractive to others. Remember, you are the priority here. Don’t be a martyr. Put yourself first. As the saying goes “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.

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Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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