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12 Things You Need To Remember If You Love Someone Who Is Deaf

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12 Things You Need To Remember If You Love Someone Who Is Deaf

Would you rather not be able to hear or not be able to see? That’s a common question people ask each other, but imagine having to live with either one of those disabilities. Those with either one need a lot of our love, support, and understanding. But, to offer all those things, you have to understand what hurdles they’re facing and know what you can do to help.

Here are twelve things that are crucial to remember if you have deaf people in your life.

1. Be close to deaf people

Of course you should be close to your deaf friends emotionally, but this tip is strictly about being close to deaf people physically. The nearer you are to them, the better of a chance they have to hear the words you’re speaking or read your lips. So, stay close to your loved one who is hard of hearing.

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2. Be loud enough for deaf people to hear you

Deaf people can’t hear as well as most other folks, so naturally you’ll have to speak louder for them to understand you. That doesn’t mean you should just shout at them; that comes across as aggressive. Instead, being a little louder than normal will project your voice and make it easier for deaf people to hear you. The website DeafTalk has a great resource to help you better understand sound level for deaf people.

3. Prepare deaf people for loud sounds

Loud sounds can be very disruptive for deaf people. Whenever you anticipate a lot of noise, be sure to warn the deaf person you’re with that it’s about to come so they can prepare for it.

4. Separate your words

Deaf people rely a lot on reading others’ lips. For that reason, to make it easier for them, it’s good if you sound out each word in a way that a deaf person can distinguish them.

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5. Keep conversations with deaf people focused

A scatterbrained discussion is a huge burden for deaf people. They’re following your words not just through sound or reading your lips but also through intuition. If you change the subject unexpectedly or do something else unpredictable, you’re making it harder for deaf people to understand you.

6. Lead deaf people to somewhere they can “hear”

This is pretty simple. Help get your deaf loved one somewhere where they can best hear the main speaker, read their lips, or preferably both.

7. Explain their needs to others

Most people haven’t read this list of tips, so it’s usually up to you to explain to others what your loved one will need from them.

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8. Keep an eye on what they can and can’t understand

In order to constantly improve your communication with someone who is deaf, take notice when they have trouble understanding you. Think about what you said and why it may have been difficult for them to comprehend, and adjust accordingly.

9. Be willing to communicate differently

Talking is the easiest way for a lot of us to communicate, but not so much for deaf people. Embrace communication via texts or email or something else visual to make their lives a little easier.

10. Talk in places that are quieter and more private

Identify locations where there will be as little disruption as possible for those with hearing problems. Even the sounds many of us filter out, such as traffic or background music, can be distracting, so be sure the places you pick have as little of that as possible.

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11. Be aware of visual cues

Deaf people largely depend on visual language, which makes something like a smile more valuable than ever and an unintended frown more problematic. Keep your visual cues in mind at all times because that’s one of the main ways deaf people are going to interpret what you’re thinking or feeling.

12. Display sympathy during the hard times

Know how to bolster up their spirits when deaf people need your support during the periods when they are most struggling with their disabilities. A few words of sympathy can go a long way. Your friendship and companionship is the most powerful thing you can offer anyone, especially those with disabilities. Never forget that.

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Matt OKeefe

Matt is a marketer and writer who shares about lifestyle and productivity tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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