Dating nowadays is tricky. Defining whether you’re “talking” or “seeing each other” or “dating” seemingly has never been more complicated. For every decent relationship that last a few months, you get several dozen that are utter disaster from the get-go. But it does not have to be that way. Because of how complicated relationships and dating have become, we have compiled a list of dating tips that Millenials need to understand.
1. The person who cares more loses.
It’s tough to think of dating as a game, but the way relationships play out nowadays, it totally is. The person who cares more, invests more, does more, does not succeed in relationships anymore. This is likely because relationships are supposed to come naturally, and when you are acting out of character by caring more, it will reflect in how you treat your partner.
2. Good relationships are not good all the time or all at once.
Our generation has a serious need for instant gratification. Whether it’s via online shopping or video entertainment or whatever else, Millenials are primed to order what they want and then receive it immediately. Relationships are not like that at all. They have peaks and valleys and last longer, and they don’t just arrive and overwhelm all at once. This is a tough one for Millenials to learn, but real relationships are more than just instant.
3. You can’t reset a relationship.
I remember being a kid and playing The Sims on my computer with my sister. We would build a house, start a family, and play it out. Inevitably, something would go wrong, and we would simply be able to restart the game from the beginning. In relationships, it is not like this. You have to be delicate and careful, considerate, involved, and directed at all times. Once something happens a relationship, it stays, and you cannot get rid of it. The only option is to work through it.
4. The person they are on social media is not the person they are in real life.
Social media allows each of us to individually curate what we share and to develop a persona that is nearly the ideal person we wish we could be. Before getting into a relationship, we all need to realize that the person who is physically in front of us is the only real person we are trying to date. No matter how many happy photos there are on Facebook or how many celebrities they’ve selfied with on Instagram, they are just the person sitting across from you at dinner, no more, no less.
5. Chivalry is not dead, but it can be used as a test.
This one is mostly for guys. It’s 2015, and many girls will say that they don’t need doors held or for the man to get the check. But if it’s a real date that may lead to a real relationship, be casual about the bill and see if she is willing to split the tab. If she is, it’s likely she not just here because of the free meal and to stave off boredom, but rather because she is actually interested in you and a relationship. This won’t work everywhere, but, if it does, you can start putting a few eggs in the proverbial basket if you want.
6. It will never be like in the movies, and it shouldn’t be.
If ever your dating life starts feeling like a John Hughes movie, maybe you should take a break. And if at any point, your relationship feels like that of the Nicholas Sparks movie The Notebook, you should probably end it. Those relationships are interesting because they are dramatic and unrealistic, and if anything you encounter resembles that, the person on the other end is probably mentally ill. I mean, in The Notebook, Ryan Gosling’s character refurbishes an entire house in the hopes that Rachel McAdams will notice. Is there any circumstance in which that would be normal in real life? I didn’t think so.
Featured photo credit: Couple Holding Hands/Fred Randolphkab via flickr.com