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Want Lasting Change? Make Pain Your Friend

Want Lasting Change? Make Pain Your Friend

How many of us have changes in our lives we’d like to make? How many of us try again and again to change, but when the willpower runs out, we stop? How many of us tolerate the same conditions for years and then one day, BAM! Something flips and we change overnight.

One day while passing around some vacation pictures with my family, I saw a picture of myself and was shocked. I was fat! Now I’ve always had some junk in the trunk, but I must have put on 20 pounds in the 6 months since the pictures were taken! I hadn’t even noticed the weight I was putting on.

I hit a breaking point that day and decided I was going to change how I looked.

What drove me to change after seeing a picture of myself overweight? I knew that I was heavy before seeing the picture, but never felt compelled to change until then.

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What happened?

I had finally hit my emotional threshold. The emotional threshold is the amount of pain I was willing to endure before changing.

The forces of pain and pleasure impact every area of your life: from relationships, to finances, to how you feel about yourself and others. Everything you do is to either avoid pain or to gain pleasure.

Sure this sounds simple, but give it some thought. Why don’t you do the things you know you should do? You know the benefits of getting things done, but why do you continue to procrastinate?

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Because at some level you feel that taking action now would be more painful than continuing to put it off.

How many times have you procrastinated during tax season? You keep putting it off and putting it off until tomorrow is the deadline and BAM! You switch into high gear and get it done right away. What happened? Suddenly it was more painful to keep putting it off than to get it done.

When you first start a diet, it’s painful missing the foods you love. But as you build some momentum, a shift happens; the pain you associate with cheating on your diet and delaying progress outweighs the short blip of pleasure you’d gain from eating your old foods. The pain of cheating on your diet now becomes your friend.

Whether it’s the alcoholic that quits cold turkey after 20 years, or someone that finally leaves an abusive relationship, they’ve both reshaped their lives through altering their pain and pleasure associations related to a particular scenario. They’ve both made pain their friend.

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Skeptical? Picture a food or drink that was once a favorite of yours, but now you do everything to avoid. Could it be that you’ve sworn off of pickled pigs feet and Jägermeister because you now just prefer the finer things in life?

Or does night of projectile vomiting and the smell of vinegar haunting you for 3 days come to mind? See the connection?

Painful emotions are an extremely effective way to avoid unwanted behaviors. Once you make pain your friend, you can change your life in an instant.

You may be thinking “No one changes in one day…” Garbage! There’s more pain in staying the same than in changing. I made the decision that day to no longer settle with being overweight. I’m not saying I lost all the weight (100 lbs.) that day. But in my mind it was very simple; the emotional pain of living another day doing nothing about being overweight outweighed the pleasure of gummy worms and soda.

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Everything you strive for in life is a result of what you’ve associated pain and pleasure with. When you’re able to leverage pain and pleasure in your favor, you’ll be able to create lasting change in your life that isn’t dependent upon the surge of willpower we usually experience when starting a new goal.

What’s preventing you from living life exactly how you imagined it? What changes do you need to make, but can’t follow through on? What keeps you from going on that diet, or starting that business? What if instead of focusing on your behavior, you focused on what’s motivating you? What if you were able to link more pain to not pursuing your dreams than with the security and familiarity of your 9-5?

Featured photo credit: Suz via flickr.com

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Bob Dempsey

Psychology Major

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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