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Why Being Sensitive Is A Double-Edged Sword

Why Being Sensitive Is A Double-Edged Sword

Sensitivity is, for the most part, seen as an overall positive human characteristic. But it’s not necessarily always beneficial to an individual. While there are certainly times that being sensitive can be advantageous, there are other times in which being overly sensitive can be absolutely draining on a person. As with all other aspects of life, sensitivity seems to be most effective and beneficial when practiced in moderation. Here are a few of the things that go along with being sensitive.

You understand people’s problems

Sensitive people are able to see from a variety of perspectives. They almost live vicariously through other people’s emotions, especially when dealing with people they truly care about. This leads to deeper human connections, as their loved ones will see how much the sensitive person really cares by how they react in a given situation. The reinforcement a sensitive person gives a loved one just by their response makes it clear that the person genuinely enjoys seeing others happy.

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You take on other people’s problems as your own

When things aren’t going so well for your friends, you’ll feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Being a sensitive person means you often take on other people’s struggles without even realizing it. Obviously, you just want everyone around you to be happy—but that won’t always be the case. While it’s obviously justifiable to be upset when your friend is feeling down and you’re doing your best to help them out of a funk, overly sensitive people are unable to separate themselves from the situation and realize the sadness of their loved ones is not their sadness. Obviously, if both parties are upset, it becomes increasingly difficult for either of them to snap out of it.

You’re in tune with overall mood

Sensitive people pick up on the overall mood of a place or event immediately and instantly find themselves in that same mood, regardless of how they felt when they walked in. This allows them to fit into a variety of social situations, as they understand the appropriate way to act wherever they find themselves.

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You’re too in tune with overall mood

Of course, sometimes the way a sensitive person is acting is simply that: an act. But the longer the act goes on, the more likely it is to actually hijack a person’s mood. For example, obviously a funeral is a somber occasion, so regardless of whether or not you were close to the deceased, you still feel sad or upset when paying your respects. An overly sensitive person might become overwhelmed and anxious in such a situation, even if they weren’t very close with the dearly departed. Despite not having many personal feelings for the person who has passed, the idea that this passing has deeply affected others is enough to send the sensitive person into a downward spiral.

You experience the world on a deeper level

As we’ve discussed, sensitive people are incredibly in tune with the world around them. But this goes beyond being aware of the mood of a certain person or group. In the most literal sense of the word, a sensitive person will actually experience heightened sensual feelings. When they taste their favorite dessert or hear their favorite song, they immediately become enraptured by the moment. They become Zen-like, and are able to let all else fade away while they focus on the absolute pleasure they are currently experiencing.

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You become too invested in events around you

But sometimes, this is not a good thing. When a sensitive person experiences pain, it’s almost impossible for them to let it fall away. They’re incredibly in tune with minor fluctuations in a place’s aura, so something as simple as a change in volume or brightness in an area can have a negative effect on a sensitive person. Busy city streets can be overwhelming, as they can potentially send a person into sensual overdrive, leaving them too anxious to function normally.

Featured photo credit: Emotional… / Sean Meets via farm7.staticflickr.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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