Advertising
Advertising

6 for 20: The Biggest Mistakes You Can Avoid

6 for 20: The Biggest Mistakes You Can Avoid

What a phase our Twenties can be. Our mind goes from “you’re still young” to “get your shit together,” all in a matter of months. As we get older, we tend to dwell more on the mistakes we made than the mistakes we didn’t make.

From the day we were born, we listened to our parents. Some stopped at the age of 14, others stopped at 25. More than half of us didn’t even listen to the advice that was given (still love you mom and dad). You make a mistake, people tell you, “I told you so,” you roll your eyes and that is the LAST thing you want to hear. No matter how many times we are given advice or opinions, we will never listen until it has actually happened. It is okay, it’s called being human. But there comes a time in your life where if you are making the same mistakes over and over again, it’s time for a change.

Advertising

I will be the first to admit, as a 20 something, this early journey of mine has been quite a ride and trust me, I know for a fact, I have a lot ahead of me. Of course, I have made mistakes. Have I learned from some of those? Probably not. Will I ever want to change or avoid making that mistake happen a fifth time? Absolutely!

With the being said, here are 6 common mistakes that happen in your 20s that could have been avoided:

Advertising

Not Caring For Your Health

All those happy hour specials and $2 Tuesday’s at the local bar. Or the late night munchies so you stop by Taco Bell. And maybe you want that 6th cigarette because you are “stressed”. You might think you can handle it now, but you’ll pay for it later.

Getting Credit Cards

For some reason, we think credit cards are free money because we can pay it back later. It is pretty much free money until you get the bank statement with a due balance of $500. Simple advice really, don’t get yourself into debt. One is enough as it’s easier to keep track of and manage. Also, with one credit card, once you pay the payments on time, within 5 months, your limit can increase.

Advertising

Not Traveling

There is a saying: “you make time for things you want to do.” Traveling should be one of them. Stop with the excuses, there are numerous sites online who can email you deals on airline flights. Kayak.com, Priceline.com and Expedia.com. Explore this beautiful planet you live on. There is so much in this world that goes unseen and experienced. Let go and escape your world.

Dating

Before anything, there is no right or wrong way of dating. However, there is a smart way of dating. Stay away from the games. I am talking about playing with someone’s emotions or not being clear on what you want out of a relationship. Settling in a relationship that you are not happy with because you are afraid to be alone. Take the time to get to know someone before closing the connection. Be honest with yourself and figure out what you want.

Advertising

Giving Back

Going out to eat but leaving the waiter/waitress $1 because they forgot to fill your water up. Or spending $200 on a pair of jeans but not wanting to donate $2 to a children’s hospital. If you can afford this you can afford to give back $3 to a meaningful cause. Even if you received horrible service from your waiter/waitress, everyone has bad days. Most waiter/waitress make about $4-$5 an hour, it is not easy. Also, It won’t hurt to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Featured photo credit: motion/Noelle Buske via flickr.com

More by this author

8 Sweetest Things You Can Do When Your Friend Is Crying Just These 3 Lipsticks Can Keep You Fashionable and Hydrated For The Whole Winter 5 Books That Can Turn You Into A Different Person 6 for 20: The Biggest Mistakes You Can Avoid Signs of Teething and 4 Ways to Treat It

Trending in Communication

1 11 Facts About Volunteering That Will Surely Impress You 2 How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them) 3 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 4 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You 5 The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

Advertising

It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

Advertising

Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

Advertising

1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

Advertising

6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Read Next