Advertising
Advertising

How To Unlock “Her” Confidence: 7 Secrets That All Successful Women Leaders Know

How To Unlock “Her” Confidence: 7 Secrets That All Successful Women Leaders Know

Do you focus on improvement and growth or not making a mistake? This could be the key difference in boldly stating “ I woke up like this!” or “I just rolled out of bed.”

Confidence is the best accessory to put on before stepping out into the world and even the highest, most powerful women struggle with not feeling good enough.

In society, we’re taught men are the leaders and rarely do we see women in powerful positions running corporations and changing the world.

These 7 secrets from successful women leaders throughout history will reveal, why that is a lie and how to create your own mindset of excellence. Even if you choose to maneuver through life with lipstick and high heels on.

1. Self-Care is Top Priority

Advertising

successful women

    “I’m getting better, each day, at doing something good for my body, mind and spirit.” – Oprah Winfrey

    One of the most powerful names in television history puts herself as top her priority. Oprah understands that in order to pour into others, her needs will have to be taken care of first. If you are depleted, there is nothing left for you to give to those you care about and sharing your gifts becomes a burden. It is a disservice to the world not to put your best foot forward in life for yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s smart business.

    2. Know What You Want

    successful women

      “Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently from everyone else.” – Sara Blakely (Founder of Spanx – World’s Youngest Female Billionaire)

      Sarah was far from intimidated when she roped in one of the biggest billionaires, Richard Branson to believe in her vision and financially back her foundation. She had a clear vision of her future self. Knowing what you want keeps you from being taken advantage of and turning up empty handed. Even when Sarah didn’t know how to get where she wanted to go, knowing what she wanted to accomplish was enough to form a path and attract the people who could help get her there.

      Advertising

      3. Pay No Attention to the Critics

      successful women

        “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” Eleanor Roosevelt (Longest-serving First Lady of the United States)

        Noted as the controversial First Lady of her time, mainly for her outspokenness on racial issues, Mrs. Roosevelt was a force to be reckoned with because she did what she knew in her heart was right. Having a strong belief in something allows you to take on the world, regardless of any naysayers. Critics are there for one purpose — to remind you where you don’t want to end up, on the sidelines. Keep your head forward and your faith activated.

        4. Be Yourself

        successful women

          “In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.” — Coco Chanel

          Raised in an orphanage, she grew up to revolutionize the fashion industry. Chanel undoubtedly challenged the status quo and imprinted her unique mark on the world. The secret sauce to her success was simply, doing things her way, not what she constantly saw in the media and not because so and so did it this way for years, but by solidifying her place in the world as an original. It’s very easy these days to be one of a kind if you stop following trends and do what works best for you.

          5. Invest in Yourself

          successful women

            “I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow. When there’s that moment of ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this,’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.” – Marissa Mayer (CEO of Yahoo)

            At age 20, Marissa was heading a Fortune 500 company. Maybe your goal isn’t to head a large corporation or be the next leader of the free world, but to acknowledge your inner leadership qualities. That begins with taking a leap of faith in yourself and applying the knowledge you already possess. Begin to chart a course of action to recognize the gifts you are innately great at and use them! Over time your confidence grows and true leadership is knowing how much more valuable you become when you continuously grow your knowledge base.

            6. Embrace Your Rhythm

            successful women

              “Don’t get seduced by the “overnight” success stories. Most of them are total B.S. My financial and business success has grown slowly, steadily and organically over time. I’m not willing to sacrifice my quality of life to impress people I’ll never meet with “how fast” I can go. Discover your own rhythm.” – Marie Forelo (Coach, Motivational speaker & Author)

              This is most definitely a true hustler spirit story. Marie grew her business from nothing but her YouTube channel. She found out what she was killer at and killed it! This is where paying attention to how you best operate and communicate come into play. Figuring out your natural rhythm of accomplishing goals will create a system to crush them every time.

              7. Determine What’s Important

              successful women

                “I had to grow to love my body. I did not have a good self-image at first. Finally it occurred to me, I’m either going to love me or hate me. And I chose to love myself. Then everything kind of sprung from there. Things that I thought weren’t attractive became sexy. Confidence makes you sexy.” Queen Latifah

                She was able to turn her rapper moniker into a brand while giving women a voice and crossing over to film and television. Queen Latifah had finally realized what was truly important for her continued growth and success. Many times we hold ourselves back from what we want out of life because we haven’t determined what is truly important. Is it how you are viewed by others? Or should you focus on becoming the woman who is confident in her skin?

                Once you’ve decided which one is most important, your confidence will start to peek and life will become one big playing field of possibilities.

                Now that you’ve unlocked “her” confidence, you know how attainable your success really is. Carve your path.

                More by this author

                Illustration Shows Why The Eight-Hour Workday Is An Outdated Concept women leader How To Unlock “Her” Confidence: 7 Secrets That All Successful Women Leaders Know business risks How To Take Risks (Without Betting Your Business) bold women Bold And Bossy? 5 Reasons Why I’m Not An Apologetic Woman social circle 5 Ways To Upgrade YourSocial Circle on Your Journey to Success

                Trending in Productivity

                1 11 Important Things to Remember When Changing Habits 2 How Your Attitude Determines Your Success 3 How to Ask for Help When You Need It Most 4 How Much Do You Need to Give Up to Start Over? 5 Is It Really Better to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone?

                Read Next

                Advertising
                Advertising
                Advertising

                Last Updated on March 21, 2019

                11 Important Things to Remember When Changing Habits

                11 Important Things to Remember When Changing Habits

                Most gurus talk about habits in a way that doesn’t help you:

                You need to push yourself more. You can’t be lazy. You need to wake up at 5 am. You need more motivation. You can never fail…blah blah “insert more gibberish here.”

                But let me share with you the unconventional truths I found out:

                To build and change habits, you don’t need motivation or wake up at 5 am. Heck, you can fail multiple times, be lazy, have no motivation and still pull it off with ease.

                It’s quite simple and easy to do, especially with the following list I’m going to show to you. But remember, Jim Rohn used to say,

                “What is simple and easy to do is also simple and easy not to do.”

                The important things to remember when changing your habits are both simple and easy, just don’t think that they don’t make any difference because they do.

                In fact, they are the only things that make a difference.

                Let’s see what those small things are, shall we?

                1. Start Small

                The biggest mistake I see people doing with habits is by going big. You don’t go big…ever. You start small with your habits.

                Want to grow a book reading habit? Don’t start reading a book a day. Start with 10 pages a day.

                Want to become a writer? Don’t start writing 10,000 words a day. Start with 300 words.

                Want to lose weight? Don’t stop eating ice cream. Eat one less ball of it.

                Whatever it is, you need to start small. Starting big always leads to failure. It has to, because it’s not sustainable.

                Start small. How small? The amount needs to be in your comfort zone. So if you think that reading 20 pages of a book is a bit too much, start with 10 or 5.

                It needs to appear easy and be easy to do.

                Do less today to do more in a year.

                2. Stay Small

                There is a notion of Kaizen which means continuous improvement. They use this notion in habits where they tell you to start with reading 1 page of a book a day and then gradually increase the amount you do over time.

                Advertising

                But the problem with this approach is the end line — where the “improvement” stops.

                If I go from reading 1 page of a book a day and gradually reach 75 and 100, when do I stop? When I reach 1 book a day? That is just absurd.

                When you start a habit, stay at it in the intensity you have decided. Don’t push yourself for more.

                I started reading 20 pages of a book a day. It’s been more than 2 years now and I’ve read 101 books in that period. There is no way I will increase the number in the future.

                Why?

                Because reading 40 to 50 books a year is enough.

                The same thing applies to every other habit out there.

                Pick a (small) number and stay at it.

                3. Bad Days Are 100 Percent Occurrence

                No matter how great you are, you will have bad days where you won’t do your habit. Period.

                There is no way of going around this. So it’s better to prepare yourself for when that happens instead of thinking that it won’t ever happen.

                What I do when I miss a day of my habit(s) is that I try to bounce back the next day while trying to do habits for both of those days.

                Example for that is if I read 20 pages of a book a day and I miss a day, the next day I will have to read 40 pages of a book. If I miss writing 500 words, the next day I need to write 1000.

                This is a really important point we will discuss later on rewards and punishments.

                This is how I prepare for the bad days when I skip my habit(s) and it’s a model you should take as well.

                4. Those Who Track It, Hack It

                When you track an activity, you can objectively tell what you did in the past days, weeks, months, and years. If you don’t track, you will for sure forget everything you did.

                There are many different ways you can track your activities today, from Habitica to a simple Excel sheet that I use, to even a Whatsapp Tracker.

                Peter Drucker said,

                “What you track is what you do.”

                So track it to do it — it really helps.

                But tracking is accompanied by one more easy activity — measuring.

                5. Measure Once, Do Twice

                Peter Drucker also said,

                “What you measure is what you improve.”

                So alongside my tracker, I have numbers with which I measure doses of daily activities:

                For reading, it’s 20 pages.
                For writing, it’s 500 words.
                For the gym, it’s 1 (I went) or 0 (didn’t go).
                For budgeting, it’s writing down the incomes and expenses.

                Tracking and measuring go hand in hand, they take less than 20 seconds a day but they create so much momentum that it’s unbelievable.

                6. All Days Make a Difference

                Will one day in the gym make you fit? It won’t.

                Will two? They won’t.

                Will three? They won’t.

                Which means that a single gym session won’t make you fit. But after 100 gym sessions, you will look and feel fit.

                What happened? Which one made you fit?

                The answer to this (Sorites paradox)[1] is that no single gym session made you fit, they all did.

                No single day makes a difference, but when combined, they all do. So trust the process and keep on going (small).

                7. They Are Never Fully Automated

                Gurus tell you that habits become automatic. And yes, some of them do, like showering a certain way of brushing your teeth.

                But some habits don’t become automatic, they become a lifestyle.

                What I mean by that is that you won’t automatically “wake up” in the gym and wonder how you got there.

                It will just become a part of your lifestyle.

                Advertising

                The difference is that you do the first one automatically, without conscious thought, while the other is a part of how you live your life.

                It’s not automatic, but it’s a decision you don’t ponder on or think about — you simply do it.

                It will become easy at a certain point, but they will never become fully automated.

                8. What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

                Marshall Goldsmith has a great book with the same title to it. The phrase means that sometimes, you will need to ditch certain habits to make room for other ones which will bring you to the next step.

                Don’t be afraid to evolve your habits when you sense that they don’t bring you where you want to go.

                When I started reading, it was about reading business and tactic books. But two years into it, I switched to philosophy books which don’t teach me anything “applicable,” but instead teach me how to think.

                The most important ability of the 21st century is the ability to learn, unlearn, and relearn. The strongest tree is the willow tree – not because it has the strongest root or biggest trunk, but because it is flexible enough to endure and sustain anything.

                Be like a willow, adapting to the new ways of doing things.

                9. Set a Goal and Then Forget It

                The most successful of us know what they want to achieve, but they don’t focus on it.

                Sounds paradoxical? You’re right, it does. But here is the logic behind it.

                You need to have a goal of doing something – “I want to become a healthy individual” – and then, you need to reverse engineer how to get there with your habits- “I will go to the gym four times a week.”

                But once you have your goal, you need to “forget” about it and only focus on the process. Because you are working on the process of becoming healthy and it’s always in the making. You will only be as healthy as you take care of your body.

                So you have a goal which isn’t static but keeps on moving.

                If you went to the gym 150 times year and you hit your goal, what would you do then? You would stop going to the gym.

                This is why goal-oriented people experience yo-yo effect[2] and why process-oriented people don’t.

                The difference between process-oriented and goal-oriented people is that the first focus on daily actions while others only focus on the reward at the finish line.

                Set a goal but then forget about it and reap massive awards.

                10. Punish Yourself

                Last two sections are pure Pavlovian – you need to punish bad behavior and reward good behavior. You are the only person who decides what is good and what is bad for you, but when you do, you need to rigorously follow that.

                Advertising

                I’ve told you in point #3 about bad days and how after one occurs, I do double the work on the next day. That is one of my forms of punishments.

                It’s the need to tell your brain that certain behaviors are unacceptable and that they lead to bad outcomes. That’s what punishments are for.

                You want to tell your brain that there are real consequences to missing your daily habits.[3]

                No favorite food to eat or favorite show to watch or going to the cinema for a new Marvel movie- none, zero, zilch.

                The brain will remember these bad feelings and will try to avoid the behaviors that led to them as much as possible.

                But don’t forget the other side of the same coin.

                11. Reward Yourself

                When you follow and execute on your plan, reward yourself. It’s how the brain knows that you did something good.

                Whenever I finish one of my habits for the day, I open my tracker (who am I kidding, I always keep it open on my desktop) and fill it with a number. As soon as I finish reading 20 pages of a book a day (or a bit more), I open the tracker and write the number down.

                The cell becomes green and gives me an instant boost of endorphin – a great success for the day. Then, it becomes all about not breaking the chain and having as many green fields as possible.

                After 100 days, I crunch some numbers and see how I did.

                If I have less than 10 cheat days, I reward myself with a great meal in a restaurant. You can create your own rewards and they can be daily, weekly, monthly or any arbitrary time table that you create.

                Primoz Bozic, a productivity coach, has gold, silver, and bronze medals as his reward system.[4]

                If you’re having problems creating a system which works for you, contact me via email and we can discuss specifics.

                In the End, It Matters

                What you do matters not only to you but to the people around you.

                When you increase the quality of your life, you indirectly increase the quality of life of people around you. And sometimes, that is all the “motivation” we need to start.

                And that’s the best quote for the end of this article:

                “Motivation gets you started, but habits keep you going.”

                Keep going.

                Advertising

                More Resources to Help You Build Habits

                Featured photo credit: Anete Lūsiņa via unsplash.com

                Reference

                [1] Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Sorites paradox
                [2] Muscle Zone: What causes yo-yo effect and how to avoid it?
                [3] Growth Habits: 5 Missteps That Cause You To Quit Building A Habit
                [4] Primoz Bozic: The Lean Review: How to Plan Your 2019 in 20 Minutes

                Read Next