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5 Reasons A People Pleaser Has More Difficulty Being Successful

5 Reasons A People Pleaser Has More Difficulty Being Successful

With my own story, I could pick out any area of my life, career, relationships or whatever else and I can give an example of how people pleasing has had an adverse effect on my life.

I would find it hard to find a partner or keep one around because I’d be too nice to her, try and do everything she wanted. Or in work, I’d be trying too hard to do what is best not just for my manager by for the customers also and in the end becoming a little too needy and failing at what I needed to achieve.

Finally, I ended up with friends who became takers that never reciprocated my acts of friendship whenever I needed something in return. People pleasing became a part of my personality. In the end, I just needed to be myself, do the things that pleased me and in a way that suited my values and integrity, that it just works out.

Does this sound familiar to anything in your own life?

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If it does, you might be a people pleaser. While it is fine to help others in situations that suit your values and integrity, you still have to adapt and not always give in to others. Taking charge will help you become more in control of what you do and don’t do and build confidence in your ability to say no.

Now, lets look at the 5 ways people pleasers find it more difficult to find success.

1.     They end up giving up what is important

So, here is an example of how this can make success more difficult:

You are at work, your shift is coming to an end, but then your manager approaches you and asks “Hey, is there any chance you can stay on a bit later today? We have got some new projects and need your help to get things rolling as soon as possible.” Now that same night you have planned to take your family out to celebrate that your partner has had promotion at work. Your romantic partner has been excited about it all week. As a people pleaser, you can’t just say no to your manager — can you?

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Don’t give up what is important to you because you want to make one person happy. Sometimes it is worth it to take overtime opportunities but on the other hand, your life is your own and you deserve to enjoy it!

2.     They end up with lower confidence and self-esteem

This is a big one for me, I have suffered from low self-esteem and confidence and can say that it has got to be down to many things, but people pleasing is one of them.

If you are constantly making others happy, it could easily be to make yourself feel great, if others are pleased with you, then you become pleased with yourself because of it. But what if you do your best for somebody, and it is not good enough? They’ll not be pleased with you, and if your self-esteem is based totally on how others are pleased with you, your esteem will shrink and your confidence will lower.

Having others tell you that you were awesome is great, but if you are reliant on that for your confidence and self-esteem to grow, then it may start to negatively to affect your ability to succeed.

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3.     They have trouble with personal boundaries

Sometime, you may be asked to do something you just don’t feel comfortable doing.

A friend may ask if they can sleep on your couch for a while, but you find it a bit intrusive, especially when they don’t seem to want to leave after months of taking from you, eating your food, using your heating and electric and not contributing at all. But because you just want to please everyone, including your friend, you find it difficult to ask them to leave.

We all have personal boundaries that others just should not be able to cross. Sticking up for yourself requires courage but it is worth it in the end.

4.     They end up running out of energy

We have limited hours in the day, so if you are constantly running around pleasing people in many different ways, whether it is taking somebody shopping, helping with decorating a friends house, extra hours in work or whatever, where do we have time for ourselves?

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We need time to relax, rejuvenate and do the things we enjoy and to please ourselves.  When we do the things we want to do, we fill with energy and a motivation to keep doing it and get better and we can really feel refreshed after doing it. But if that time is taken away by our habitual people pleasing than we just won’t have the energy to cope.

We may even be lacking sleep, which could even cause illness and mistakes to happen.

5.     They may sacrifice their personal values

We all should have personal values and integrity stand point in our lives. We have areas of our lives that we can’t let others intrude on and if we are people pleasers there is a major chance that we’ll let others go against our values and integrity.

If there are people in your life that go against these values, a friend or family member, even a colleague that likes eating fast food. Now that you are trying to lose a little weight, or you could even have an illness that requires you to eat healthy, but your people pleasing goes against your healthy eating value and integrity in trying to lose weight and you go to get that cheese burger and fries with large drink, because you don’t want to disappoint. We have to stand firm in our values and not let people damage our integrity at all.

Featured photo credit: Creative Happy And Sad Emotions On A Man/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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