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10 Games to Create Long Lasting Memories With Your Kids?

10 Games to Create Long Lasting Memories With Your Kids?

I was probably eight or nine. It was before the age of the Internet and the release of the Nintendo. I had exhausted my regular activities (like riding my bike) and had run out of make-believe scenarios to play out in my backyard. Because my brother and I lived on a main road with few neighbors, we were always in the same boat… bored.

One afternoon, we bugged my mother to play with us. Being that she is an on the spot creative type, she invented a game called “Court.” She made up the rules as she went along. She played the judge and told us each what crime we were being charged with. We had to defend our innocence by pleading our case and in the end, she would determine who was guilty. She told us our “crime” and sent us away with one manila file folder and some loose-leaf paper. We both went to our rooms to plan our defense. Once prepared, we testified.

I will never forget playing that game of “Court” for the first time. I can tell you the room we were in and that it was a beautiful summer day, trees in full bloom. I can tell you the exact chair my mom sat in and where the chair was positioned, even though I haven’t been in that house or seen that furniture for over twenty-five years. My mother didn’t know it at the time, but that day she created one of the few photographic memories I have of her.

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Are you wanting your children to create a long-lasting, visual memory of you? If so, here are ten activities that if done rarely, are a sure proof way to remain picture perfect forever in your child’s mind. I hope you enjoy these activities that will help create a photographic memory for your child.

1. Have a Tea Party

When my two girls and I play Tea Party together, magic happens. I let my nine year old put makeup on herself and my four year old. They both put on their finest dresses. They get a grand opening when they come down the stairs as my husband or I announce them. I am their maître de and always have a towel hanging over one arm. I escort them to a small table equipped with a tablecloth and a lit candle. I begin by offering them water (in shot glasses because otherwise they’d never get used). I offer all sorts of exotic teas even though I only have two kinds. Everything I bring to them comes out on my expensive china, which makes them feel like millionaires. Sometimes I buy tea cookies but usually I just pull something out that I already have, like cheese and crackers. If I can find my bell, I give that to them too. They put linen napkins over their laps and I make their tea extra sweet since they are. We all speak in British accents and I bow to them constantly. Of course, I also take pictures, but more for me because I know their picture will be locked mentally.

2. Court

Looking for a gavel? Pull out your meat pounder. Then pick a crime. Need some case ideas? How about who left out the ice cream? Who stole the cookies out of the cookie jar? Which one of you painted on the wall? Who used all the toilet paper and didn’t replace the roll?

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3. Dance Party USA

This can be done totally on the fly with no preparation necessary. You turn off the TV, get off your computer, blast the radio, and then get your funk on. You do this until you are sweating bullets, can barely breathe, and are afraid you’re going to have a heart attack. Did I mention belting the song out as loud as you can while holding hands and twirling with your oldest? To do this well, you need to pull a muscle and barely be able to walk the next day.

4. Fort Building

There isn’t a week that goes by that my kids aren’t using the couch cushions to build a fort in the family room. However, wouldn’t they love it so much better if I built the fort with them? To make it extra special, try putting a card table in front of a closet and then covering it with a sheet. Assuming there isn’t a swamp of shoes and clothes on the floor, you can set up a mini-city. Spend the night in sleeping bags and watch a movie inside the fort while you all munch on popcorn. Let the fort stay up a few days to let the kids play in it before it gets taken down until the next year.

5. Tent Camping

If I have to explain this then you have bigger problems than trying to create a photographic memory for your kids. You can even pitch a tent in your own backyard for a fun change of pace.

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6. Film a Movie

Sit down with your kids and a notebook. Work together as a family to come up with a plot. Sometimes it’s easiest to pick fairytales that everyone knows so you can spend more time acting and recording, rather than figuring out logistics. This is a great time for dads to come into the picture. They can be in the movie or he can videotape. Think of the fun you will all have watching these movies together thirty years down the road.

7. Create a Photo Album

Decide on a theme such as Selfie Central (where you go around the house or city one day taking as many selfies as you can). There’s also Dress Up Then Mess Up (where your kids put on the tackiest outfits and accessories… and so do you). Another good one? Silly/Ugly faces. Take dozens of pictures, print them out and then store them in an album. You won’t believe how often your children will want to flip through so they can remember that special day.

8. Build a Card Tower or Dominoes Display

See Tent Camping (above).

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9. Read the Same Book, but Only Once a Year

Now it’s time to talk about my dad. Every Christmas Eve, no matter what, he always read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. After a few years of this, it wouldn’t have been Christmas Eve without my dad reading it to us. It’s one of my fondest and clearest memories of my dad and when I think back to it. Now when I bring the memory to to the forefront it makes me feel like daddy’s little girl all over again. Of course, I had to carry this tradition on with my own kids. There’s a certain intangible magic at work with special memories like this. Pass this incredible quality on to your children.

10. Spend the day acting like a kid with your kid(s)

You’ll need to plan ahead for this one. Events might include: water balloon fights, egg toss, participating in their lemonade stand, bike riding, chalk on the driveway, bubbles, board games, swinging with them as high as you can, etc. You do it all: you get messy, you get dirty, and you won’t regret it.

Conclusion

You will find one major commonality between the ten ideas above. Each feeds children the nutrients they need more than anything… your time, love, and undivided attention. It is an opportunity to make your children a center point and prove to them they are the most important thing to you. These traditions extend past the turkey dinner or Easter egg hunt. They are thoughtful, deliberate, and different. They are so cherished and different that there’s no doubt even one activity will create photographic and long lasting memories your child will have of you.

Featured photo credit: Browse more: carousel, fun, funfair, horses, night, traditionalTest Drive image Take a look how this image can be used! Traditional Carousel Horses on a Fun Fair Ride via picjumbo.com

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Published on September 18, 2018

Coparenting 101: 17 Helpful Strategies for Divorced Parents

Coparenting 101: 17 Helpful Strategies for Divorced Parents

When people separate or divorce, one of their biggest challenges is coparenting their children together. As a Marriage and Family Therapist in Chicago, I often see divorced parents struggle with how to raise their children together.

One parent has a certain set of rules, and the other does it completely differently. It can be a real challenge to navigate this part of the divorce process.

Yet over the years, I have seen couples successfully raise their children together after a divorce. It takes a little attention and focus, but there are number of key strategies that these divorced couples employ to make coparenting much easier.

1. Communicate clearly.

When couples who are able to communicate coparenting items easily and without much emotion, they get a lot of the work of parenting done quickly. Yet when their discussions about parenting items are filled with emotion, then it muddies the waters.

If you find yourself fighting with your ex about all sorts of coparenting issues, you might want to set up a method of communication which reduces the emotion.

Perhaps a dedicated email thread that only has parenting items might keep the channels of communication more clean.

2. Clarify rules.

Many families we see here at our practice in Chicago have different rules at different houses for their children. This can certainly work, but the rules need to be clearly defined by the parents.

Where children struggle is when they are unclear about what the rules of each house are, and then try to manipulate the rules to get their way.

Clear communication of what the expectations are at each house can go a long way towards creating balance and stability.

3. Get out of the past.

It is important to be sure that any lingering items from your marriage stay as much in the past as possible.

Of course there will by dynamics from the marital relationship that persist in the coparenting relationship, but couples benefit by bringing their relationship out of the past and trying to create new ways of interacting around parenting items.

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4. Don’t triangulate.

One of the more difficult dynamics that we see in Family Therapy is when couples triangulate their children.

Triangulation is when whatever is unresolved between the parents gets transmitted through their interactions with the children.

In other words, the parents hostility and tension gets absorbed by the children and the children start acting it out. It can be very confusing when this happens, and Family Therapy can significantly help when this dynamic occurs.

5. Bless and release.

One thing that troubles a lot of people after a break up or divorce is that they continually hold on to old grudges or complaints.

In order to coparent more effectively, it can be helpful to bless and release your ex. This mean wishing them well and letting go of old hurts.

Can you hope for our ex that they have all good things and find the life and love that they are looking for? This sort of neutrality can go a long way with coparenting from a more balanced place.

6. Practice mindful parenting.

Many experts will tell parents to try to stay more calm than their child. If you are anxious, stressed and angry, then your child may become those things too.

Coparenting with an ex adds another layer of difficulty and potentially upsetting emotions. It is important to practice being mindful of your anxiety, stress and anger levels when parenting, and also when interacting with your coparent.

Finding ways to stay relaxed and put things in perspective can help.

7. Develop a support network.

Having a good team of trusted people in your corner can help to make sure you don’t feel alone in the process of coparenting. Talking with other parents who are divorced or separated might help you feel less alone in the process.

Additionally, having a trusted counselor or therapist in your corner who can help you look at your blind spots, can make a big difference.

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8. Practice presence.

Staying in the moment when parenting can be a useful thing whether you are coparenting, doing it alone, or alongside your partner.

Our minds can race all over the place when we are managing a lot of things in our family life. Yet taking time to stay in the moment and be present with your child will help calm and stabilize the situation.

If you are worried about future events, or stressed about what happened before, it takes you out of the present, which can be full of opportunities for meaningful experiences with your child.

9. Practice “I” statements.

A lot of couples will get in trouble by blaming their ex in front of their child. It can be difficult for them not to criticize their ex, or say something disparaging. Yet this can have a negative impact on the child.

Instead of pointing the finger, it helps to practice “I” statements. Talk about your frustration and how you get overwhelmed by difficult situations rather than commenting on how your ex made mistakes or is selfish.

Talking about your own experience helps you own your own power in the situation.

10. Learn to compromise.

If coparents are constantly arguing about their schedules, money, or what the rules are, then it can cause a very hostile and chaotic environment for the children.

Yet couples who learn to work together and compromise on the endless, daily family items that need to be negotiated, end up creating a more stable and calm environment for their children.

Even if you insist that you should have the children on a particular holiday because your ex had them the previous year, being willing to compromise and make alternate arrangements can pay off in the long run.

11. Give a little.

Coparents who are generous with one another, even if they are still upset about their breakup, help create an environment of wellbeing in their family.

If your coparent asks for a random extra weekend with the children, and you know that it is your turn that weekend, being generous and giving a little can go a long way towards generating good will.

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Withholding and counting each fairness and unfairness creates a less generous and more stingy family environment.

Of course you don’t want to compromise yourself and give over too much, but keeping on the lookout for when you can give just a bit more, can help the wellbeing of everyone involved.

12. Talk with your children.

Parents who worry about the potentially negative influence that their ex will have on their children do well by talking more with their kids.

If you are worried about what your ex might say to your child, it helps to have a good, open line of communication with the child such that you can better understand how they see the world.

It helps if they can talk with you about their confusion or any conflicting messages that they hear from their other parent.

13. Leverage your relationship.

Your child is hard wired to want to connect with you. Parents do well to know that the greatest influence that they have on their child is their relationship with them.

Your children are attached to you, and even if they act as if they want nothing to do with you, they are still wired for your approval and care.

Finding ways to leverage the inherent attachment can help create the sort of life that you’d like for your child.

14. Attract, don’t pursue.

Don’t overly pursue a connection with your child, but instead attract their interest to connect with you. When parents are too eager to chase a child who is distancing, then the child will often distance more.

Building on the inherent attachment that your child has with you, try to find ways to create harmonious and connected moments rather than asking them tons of questions and trying desperately to create closeness.

15. Open up.

Share more with your child about what you love, and what you are passionate about. Children who hear more about what parents care about tend to follow their own passions.

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Think about how many famous athletes or musicians children are also athletes or musicians. Children tend to follow the lead of their role models, and if you share what you love, then might emulate that pursuit themselves.

This can go a long way towards creating a lasting bond that can withstand any tension in a coparenting relationship.

16. Embrace change.

A lot of coparents have hidden regrets or live in the past. They wish their family situation could be different, but don’t know how to make it better.

Embracing change can help us move out of past hurts and regrets and find new ways to create the sort of changes we are looking for.

Perhaps you can find new ways to interact with your ex that might foster new family dynamics.

17. Make room for new possibilities.

A lot of divorced or separated couples that I work with tend to become hopeless about anything new happening in the family dynamic. They see patterns of interaction repeat themselves over and over, and they anticipate it will continue this way forever.

Yet if there is one thing we can count on is that things will eventually change. Making room in your mind for new possibilities can alleviate some of the hopelessness that sometimes comes with difficult coparenting situations.

Yes you are divorced, but It is indeed possible to be good coparents. Communication and patience go hand in hand if you want to raise happy and healthy kids as a divorced parent.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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