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15 Things People Who Grew Up With a Single Parent Understand

15 Things People Who Grew Up With a Single Parent Understand

In recent times, the numbers of single parent home keep soaring.  It is tough and intense living in the home where a single parent rules. In some ways it makes you stronger and more prepared for your adult life. This is why such situations can remain memorable and indelible with us forever. Here are some things persons who grew up with single parents understand so well.

1. You do not have any middle ground

You are not appeasing two sides to gain advantage and skimming something out to get a deal. You are stuck with one angle, one dimension, and one deal only. And that deal is handed by a single parent. You can’t hide behind the, “But I asked Dad and he said…” excuse when you are in a single parent home.

2. You have to learn fast

There is no room to be pampered or spoon-fed. You have to understand and quickly adapt to your responsibilities in the house, whether you are the middle child, first, or the last child. Every member of the family has their own unique role in the family that could include more responsibilities.

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3. You simply have to be responsible

Yes…if you wanted to you could do a lot of things to bother your parent. But you understand that there is so much on his/her table that you have to learn to appease and act responsibly instead.

4. You don’t have too many options

A single parent is a single parent. There is no good cop and bad cop in between. You have to deal with what you have and complain less. If your mom says “no”, her ruling is most likely to be final.

5. You have income to keep the family going

There is nothing to make any financial balance or to support the income of your single parent. To keep the family going, you have to adjust and know that the money is coming only from one source.

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6. You have to be concerned about their emotional stability

It is not about you who are around her. It is tough to handle things emotionally as a single parent. You have to know this and give them the opportunity to enjoy a piece of their life without you.

7. You end up feeling proud

After growing up with a single parent, you feel proud of the dynamic you have accomplished. Your achievements are shared because the hours you put in as a family are significant. Every celebration is that much more enjoyable after you grow up and look back on both your own and your parent’s accomplishments.

8. You have to be thankful

When you see the sacrifice your single parent is making, it means you have to show appreciation and acknowledge the effort they put in with you every single day. A little bit of thanks goes a long way.

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9. You are mocked for having a single parent

Somehow the news get to fly that you have a single parent, perhaps during those school events when only your dad or your mom showed up. Since the world knows you to have a single parent, it is possible that you were targeted for being different.

10. You are part of the decision making process

Somehow, you become involved in the way the home is run. You are quickly engaged in the important decisions of the day-to-day running of the house. In addition, you may even be asked for decorating advice!

11. You wished you had both parents

You see that there is a gap. And you really want that gap to be filled by someone. You may feel that things can be so overwhelming and you want someone to come into the scene and lighten the burden. Although you may not feel this everyday, it will happen.

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12. You experience that an open line of communication with your single parent

You are given many details and always being talked to, consulted and somehow you see your single parent in a way no other person can. Once you reach a certain level of understanding, it can be refreshing.

13. You are positive

It is disappointing to only have a single parent around. But you are positive that things will change no matter what. And possibly you want to be part of that change and want to help improve the situation. There is always a bright side!

14. You grow up to become protective of your single parent

Growing up doesn’t mean you shy away from what you are supposed to do in the home. Rather you take up the mantle to protect your single parent as they grow older. They raised you and it is your return duty to them!

15. You are tough

The intensity and the rigors of having a single parent makes you tough. If you grew up with a single parent, you are more resilient professionally and personally.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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