Advertising
Advertising

Why You Should Not Apologize Too Much At Work

Why You Should Not Apologize Too Much At Work

“I’m sorry” is the ultimate peacemaker. When something warrants an apology, it’s surprising the difference a single phrase can make.

But it can also be the smooth transition when feeling awkward stating a fact, the fallback qualifier when trying not to come across as too aggressive, or even an over-compensation for a generally uncomfortable situation.

There’s been a lot of talk lately around how much people, particularly women, apologize at work. A recent article in the New York Times talks about why women apologize and why they should stop. Another post by women’s career advice platform, Levo League, talks about how apologizing too much lessens co-workers’ respect for the apologizer.

Advertising

A lot of the arguments for women trimming our vocabularies of words such as “sorry”, “just”, and “like” make sense. If we tend to over-use these comfort phrases, it becomes difficult for others to grasp what we’re trying to say and believe that we mean it.

If there’s too much flirting around a statement, people start to wonder if we know what we’re talking about.

It’s also a matter of developing the skill of self-editing. Both in the written and spoken word, it’s important to say what you mean without muddying the message with unnecessary and distracting words. It makes the concept heavy, harder to grasp and can come across as just plain sloppy.

Advertising

Some people are offended by the assertion that women need to monitor their speech patterns, even seeing it as sexist in that women have to adjust their natural instinctive way of speaking to conform to what a male-driven society has laid out as acceptable.

While there may be some validity to this, from a psychological standpoint apologizing too much can make you come across as weak or insecure. Taking it even further, some researchers say over apologizing can come across as subtly insubordinate or even passive aggressive.

Advertising

Womans Hand Golding Pretty Spring Flowers

    At the very least it can dilute the phrase to a point where it becomes disingenuous. When an occurrence actually calls for a apology, say forgetting to send an important document that stalls a big project versus explaining how a program works to a new hire, the phrase will be so worn out and standard in your vocabulary, that it will be hard to take seriously. Crying wolf syndrome in the professional realm.

    Women do tend to over-apologize more than men due to their natural tendency to seek harmony and having a lower threshold for offensive behavior. Women also may be more socially attuned than men, to a point where they scrutinize their own innocuous actions into hurtful ones.

    Statistics aside, over-apologizing at work can breach the gender gap, as psychotherapist Beverly Engel notes, “Children of parents who teach them to take responsibility for any problems or issues that come up often become over-apologizers, as do children whose parents teach them that apologizing is a form of politeness.”

    Advertising

    If you’re worried that not saying sorry will make you come across as mean, consider that some people will actually take incessant apologizing as a social cue of someone trying to elicit an apology from them. This can make them feel you’re trying to manipulate them. Or at the least it can make many situations more confusing and awkward than they needed to be.

    Whatever the ingrained reasons for apologizing too much, it’s a habit worth breaking in the workplace for both men and women. It fundamentally puts the speaker at a disadvantage in a conversation. Especially when an apology isn’t necessary, it can make you come across as a people-pleaser to a fault and a easy mark for someone to take advantage of.

    As over-apologizers tend to be over-analyzers in general, it’s important that you don’t stress yourself over this! Saying you’re sorry too much is often just a confidence issue, and confidence can be built up a little at a time.

    Try just standing up a little straighter, looking people in the eye when you speak, shaking hands with certainty, and, as the old adage goes, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” And try not to tag it with an apprehensive, “Sorry.”

    More by this author

    Hannah Glenn

    Copywriter and Editor

    What People With Food Allergies Want You to Know Veggie Mess! 10 Must Try Recipes Shared By Popular Vegetarian Bloggers 8 Amazing Health Benefits Of Having Turmeric Every Day 15 Low-Sugar Recipes For People Who Care About Their Health This Happens When You Break Your Sugar Habit

    Trending in Work

    1 50 Great People To Follow On LinkedIn, No Matter Your Industry 2 10 Most Successful Entrepreneurs and What We Can Learn from Them 3 How to Switch Careers and Get Closer to Your Dream Job 4 9 Tips for Starting a New Job and Succeeding in Your Career 5 How to Swiftly Make a Midlife Career Change

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on May 22, 2019

    50 Great People To Follow On LinkedIn, No Matter Your Industry

    50 Great People To Follow On LinkedIn, No Matter Your Industry

    LinkedIn is an excellent platform to network with great people to help you in your career and businesses. However, with over 575 million people on the site, who should you follow? This list will steer you to the right people to follow, organized by categories of expertise.

    Job Search Experts

    You will likely have several jobs throughout the course of your career, and you will constantly need advice on new trends and strategies out there in the job market. Here are the LinkedIn experts who you should follow on these matters.

    1. Liz Ryan is the CEO and founder of Human Workplace. Her articles on job searching are filled with creative and colorful cartoons.

    2. Lou Adler is the author of The Essential Guide for Hiring and Getting Hired.

    3. Dr. Marla Gottschalk will help you make an impact in a new job.

    4. Hannah Morgan runs CareerSherpa.net, where she gives expert advice on job searching and how to be more visible online.

    5. Alison Doyle is the CEO and Founder of CareerToolBelt.com.

    Management Experts

    They say that people leave managers, not jobs. These experts in LinkedIn will help you become your employees’ dream manager.

    6. Jeff Weiner. How can we leave out the CEO of LinkedIn himself?

    7. Nozomi Morgan is an executive coach. She can help you transition from a boss to a true leader.

    8. Mickey Mikitani is the CEO of Rakuten. He constantly shares his expertise in managing a global player in e-commerce platforms.

    9. Andreas von der Heydt was the head of Amazon’s Kindle Content and now the Director of Talent Acquisition. He has extensive experience in management, branding, and marketing.

    Advertising

    Productivity Experts

    By maximizing your productivity, you can win in all aspects of life. The following LinkedIn experts will help you win big in your career.

    10. Gretchen Rubin is a happiness coach and the bestselling author of the The Happiness Project.

    11. Carson Tate is the founder of Working Simply. She advises us to include play in our schedules.

    12. Greg Mckeown is an essentialist. Part of being an essentialist is saying no to many things so that we can focus on the things that matter.

    13. Brian de Haaff, CEO of Aha! Labs Inc. provides strategies on how to be productive and happy at work at the same time.

    Marketing Experts

    14. Sujan Patel is VP of Marketing at When I Work, an employee scheduling software. He is an expert in content marketing and he even shares his ideas on content marketing in 2020.

    15. Megan Berry is the Head of Product Development at Rebelmouse, a content marketing and AlwaysOn powerhouse.

    16. Sean Gardner will help you navigate the social media landscape. This includes how to use different platforms to help accelerate your career. He is also the bestselling author of The Road to Social Media Success.

    17. Christel Quek is an digital and marketing expert. She is the VP of South East Asia at Brandwatch. Their products help businesses utilize social media data to make better business decisions.

    18. Jeff Bullas is a digital marketing expert. His blog has over 4 million readers annually.

    19. Michael Stelzer is the CEO and Founder of social media powerhouse site, Social Media Examiner.

    20. If you’re looking for inbound and content marketing expertise, follow Dharmesh Shah, Founder and CTO of Hubspot.

    Advertising

    21. David Edelman is a McKinsey partner and is at the helm of the Digital Marketing Strategy Practice Department.

    22. Dave Kerpen leads the social media software company Likeable Local. He is the author of Likeable Social Media: How to delight your customers.

    23. Clara Shih is the CEO of Hearsay Social and the author of The Facebook Era.

    24. Aaron Lee is Grand Master of Customer Delight at Post Planner. He is an excellent resource for everything social media.

    25. David Sable is the CEO of Y&R, one of the largest advertising firms in the world.

    26. Content marketing trumps traditional marketing these days, and who else better to lead you in this area than Joe Pulizzi, Founder of Content Marketing Institute.

    Personal Branding Experts

    Part of what we market in our personal career is our brand. When people hear your name, what kind of brand comes into their mind? What traits and qualities do they associate with you?

    Here are some personal branding experts from LinkedIn to improve your own brand.

    27. Dorie Clark is the author of Stand Out and Reinventing You. He can help you craft the professional image you’ve always wanted.

    28. Dan Schawbel is the managing partner of Millennial Branding. If you’re a millennial, Dan is the guy to help you craft your personal brand.

    Other Notable Experts to Follow

    29. Lisa Gates is the expert to follow if you’re negotiating for higher salaries and promotions.

    30. If you’re a Baby Boomer, Marc Miller will help you navigate the continually changing landscape of the workplace.

    Advertising

    31. To avoid getting your resumé moved to the “No” pile, read Paul Freiberger’s excellent advice.

    32. James Caan provides insightful ideas on careers in general. He is also a serial entrepreneur.

    33. Jeff Haden writes on various topics, such as leadership and management. He is the owner of Blackbird Media.

    34. If you’re looking for expert business advice on getting new customers and keeping them, follow Jay Baer.

    35. Suzanne Lucas, aka Evil HR Lady, is a great human resources specialist.

    36. If you need help in using Twitter to boost your career, Claire Diaz-Ortiz can guide you in the right direction.

    37. Ryan Holmes is the CEO of Hootsuite, a social media management tool.

    38. Customers are the lifeblood of a business and Colin Shaw focuses on revolutionizing this customer experience.

    39. Brian Solis often reflects on the future of business and how technology can disrupt our world.

    40. Nancy Lublin provides advice on more lighthearted topics, which are perfect after a long day’s work. She is the CEO behind Dosomething.org, a portal designed for social change; and the founder & CEO of Loris.ai and Crisis Text Line.

    41. Katya Andresen provides advice on how to manage your career. She was the CEO of Cricket Media and now responsible for the SVP Card Customer Experience at Capital One.

    42. Gallup has created a system to test what your strengths are and how to use them at work. Jim Clifton is the CEO of Gallup.

    Advertising

    43. Adam Grant is a Wharton Professor and the author of Give and Take, which provides advice on why being helpful at work can accelerate your career.

    44. Hunter Walk is a partner at Homebrew Venture Capitalist Company and has specialty in product development and management.

    45. If you’re running a nonprofit organization, follow Beth Kanter for expert advice on this area.

    46. Emotional Intelligence is necessary to succeed in your career, and Daniel Goleman is your expert for that.

    47. Rita J. King connects science, technology and business.

    48. Tori Worthington Rose is a Creative Director at Mary Beth West Communications, LLC. She has extensive experience in sales and digital media.

    49. If you’re looking for some advice on how to use writing and personal content marketing to boost your career, follow Ann Handley.

    50. Tim Brown is the CEO at IDEO and shares his insights on Leadership and Creativity.

    These are just some of the key thought leaders and movers in various industries. They will provide you with constant inspiration, as well as the willpower to pursue the career that you’ve always wanted. Their stream of expert ideas in their respective fields will help you become well-equipped in your professional pursuits.

    More Articles About Successful People

    Featured photo credit: LinkedIn Sales Navigator via unsplash.com

    Read Next