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7 Signs You Are Charismatic Even Though You Don’t Feel You Are

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7 Signs You Are Charismatic Even Though You Don’t Feel You Are

It’s unfortunate that many of us do not give ourselves the credit that we deserve. Yet, we recognize and commend others for their gifts. We automatically recognize charisma the moment it enters the room, but we don’t see the same in ourselves or notice our own gifts, charm and attractiveness.

However, it is so important to appreciate yourself. Only when you appreciate yourself fully can you come out of the shadows and step into your true self. If you embrace who you are and all you have, then you’ll have all you need. You might not be as gifted as everyone else or have charisma 24/7, but you are just as sufficient.

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Here are seven signs you are charismatic even though you don’t feel you are.

1. You have a genuine spark of life that rubs off on others.

Charismatic people exude joy and enthusiasm about life. Other people feel inclined to invite them in experiences they are having because they just make you feel good and happy. They are lively and genuinely upbeat. If you take obvious pleasure in experiences, that’s a good sign. “Honest signals” is a term that refers to nonverbal cues that social species like us use to fine-tune our communication. Studies show that what makes honest signals unique is how they impact the person you’re talking to. The more happy and upbeat you are, the more-so your conversation partner becomes, says Professor Alex Pentland – who led a research ream to measure charisma’s power. Basically, Pentland’s work shows us: if you’re happy, it rubs off on others.

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2. You believe in something powerfully, and share that belief with others.

Charismatic people believe in something so strongly that they just can’t keep silent about it. They share that belief with others. Their passion and conviction oozes right out and their energy shines through to others. If you believe in something passionately, and your conviction is consistent with your action, that passion will trigger powerful emotions in those around you and make them feel happy to join the cause. That’s another good sign, right? Even if it triggers emotions and influences only one person to follow, it’s still a sign of charisma. You stand out the most when you are championing a cause or belief your passionate about.

3. You are a great storyteller.

Charismatic people are great at telling stories. They have a way with words. Their voice, their inflection, their mannerisms, everything is pleasant and easy to listen to. Moreover, their humor, metaphor and symbolism entertains while also informing. If you love a good story and can express drama and intrigue in a captivating way that others around you want to hear more, then you have something special in you. Your ability to spin a yarn that many of those who happen to listen can relate to is powerful. It can deeply connect, attract and influence people’s actions. That’s definitely a sign of charisma.

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4. You are empathetic.

Charismatic people are genuinely empathetic. They care about others as much as they care about themselves, if not more. You can see, hear and feel their energy comes from a place of empathy and wanting to improve other people’s state. They focus their eyes, ears, and soul on you. They listen to your problems and want to help. It has been said that when Bill Clinton speaks to you, he makes you feel like you are the only person on the planet. If you make others feel special; if you make them feel safe; if you make them feel loved; if you make them feel heard – that is a good sign. People are drawn to, connect with and follow you because they get strong, positive emotions in your presence.

5. You speak your mind.

Charismatic people don’t let a conversation go silent because they held back what was on their mind out of petty fears like, “What if I say something that makes me look stupid?” Or, “What will this person think of me?” They speak their mind openly and confidently. They don’t seek validation from others. That’s how they manage to appear so natural and sure of themselves. If you are self-confident, assured and not afraid to say what’s on your mind or speak in front of people, that is a sign of charisma. You talk openly about things, but you also listen intently.

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6. You acknowledge discomfort or threat and process it calmly — inwardly.

Charismatic people stay calm even in uncomfortable or threatening situations. They don’t get really nervous, squirmy or start talking all agitated. They are comfortable being uncomfortable. Can you imagine James Bond being nervous? You can’t. Come on, he’s James Bond. How can he be nervous? But that does not mean he is not scared to death dodging bullets and jumping out of flying aircrafts. His heart beats faster and faster every time, but he doesn’t show it on his face, voice or body language. He is fully aware that he could die, but he doesn’t break down into a nervous fit. If you acknowledge discomfort or threat when you encounter it, and process it inwardly, while calmly working on a solution – that’s a positive sign. It inspires others to remain calm and follow your cool and collected lead through difficulties.

7. You take risks in being vulnerable.

Charismatic people are more willing than most others to take conversational risks. They often abandon conversational scripts about discussing the weather and instead go a level deeper. They reveal something personal – even quirks. Sharing their quirks with others actually enhances their appeal and charisma. It shows people they are real. They aren’t fake and predictable. If you often take risks in being vulnerable with people, it is a mark of strength not weakness. That is a defining characteristic of people with charisma. For example, Oprah laying bare everything from her troubled childhood to her weight battles on national TV comes to mind. Your strength shines through your cracks and your vulnerabilities.

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Bottom line:

Charisma is within. We all have it. You really don’t have to be Marilyn Monroe, Oprah or Brad Pitt to attract people towards you. If you accept this premise, then the question is not: “How can I have charisma.” The question is:“What are some of the ways in which I can reach within, tap into my charisma, and bring more out of myself in order to connect with more people?”

Featured photo credit: Charles Roffey via flickr.com

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David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on January 5, 2022

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

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How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

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That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

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More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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