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7 Signs You Are Charismatic Even Though You Don’t Feel You Are

7 Signs You Are Charismatic Even Though You Don’t Feel You Are
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It’s unfortunate that many of us do not give ourselves the credit that we deserve. Yet, we recognize and commend others for their gifts. We automatically recognize charisma the moment it enters the room, but we don’t see the same in ourselves or notice our own gifts, charm and attractiveness.

However, it is so important to appreciate yourself. Only when you appreciate yourself fully can you come out of the shadows and step into your true self. If you embrace who you are and all you have, then you’ll have all you need. You might not be as gifted as everyone else or have charisma 24/7, but you are just as sufficient.

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Here are seven signs you are charismatic even though you don’t feel you are.

1. You have a genuine spark of life that rubs off on others.

Charismatic people exude joy and enthusiasm about life. Other people feel inclined to invite them in experiences they are having because they just make you feel good and happy. They are lively and genuinely upbeat. If you take obvious pleasure in experiences, that’s a good sign. “Honest signals” is a term that refers to nonverbal cues that social species like us use to fine-tune our communication. Studies show that what makes honest signals unique is how they impact the person you’re talking to. The more happy and upbeat you are, the more-so your conversation partner becomes, says Professor Alex Pentland – who led a research ream to measure charisma’s power. Basically, Pentland’s work shows us: if you’re happy, it rubs off on others.

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2. You believe in something powerfully, and share that belief with others.

Charismatic people believe in something so strongly that they just can’t keep silent about it. They share that belief with others. Their passion and conviction oozes right out and their energy shines through to others. If you believe in something passionately, and your conviction is consistent with your action, that passion will trigger powerful emotions in those around you and make them feel happy to join the cause. That’s another good sign, right? Even if it triggers emotions and influences only one person to follow, it’s still a sign of charisma. You stand out the most when you are championing a cause or belief your passionate about.

3. You are a great storyteller.

Charismatic people are great at telling stories. They have a way with words. Their voice, their inflection, their mannerisms, everything is pleasant and easy to listen to. Moreover, their humor, metaphor and symbolism entertains while also informing. If you love a good story and can express drama and intrigue in a captivating way that others around you want to hear more, then you have something special in you. Your ability to spin a yarn that many of those who happen to listen can relate to is powerful. It can deeply connect, attract and influence people’s actions. That’s definitely a sign of charisma.

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4. You are empathetic.

Charismatic people are genuinely empathetic. They care about others as much as they care about themselves, if not more. You can see, hear and feel their energy comes from a place of empathy and wanting to improve other people’s state. They focus their eyes, ears, and soul on you. They listen to your problems and want to help. It has been said that when Bill Clinton speaks to you, he makes you feel like you are the only person on the planet. If you make others feel special; if you make them feel safe; if you make them feel loved; if you make them feel heard – that is a good sign. People are drawn to, connect with and follow you because they get strong, positive emotions in your presence.

5. You speak your mind.

Charismatic people don’t let a conversation go silent because they held back what was on their mind out of petty fears like, “What if I say something that makes me look stupid?” Or, “What will this person think of me?” They speak their mind openly and confidently. They don’t seek validation from others. That’s how they manage to appear so natural and sure of themselves. If you are self-confident, assured and not afraid to say what’s on your mind or speak in front of people, that is a sign of charisma. You talk openly about things, but you also listen intently.

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6. You acknowledge discomfort or threat and process it calmly — inwardly.

Charismatic people stay calm even in uncomfortable or threatening situations. They don’t get really nervous, squirmy or start talking all agitated. They are comfortable being uncomfortable. Can you imagine James Bond being nervous? You can’t. Come on, he’s James Bond. How can he be nervous? But that does not mean he is not scared to death dodging bullets and jumping out of flying aircrafts. His heart beats faster and faster every time, but he doesn’t show it on his face, voice or body language. He is fully aware that he could die, but he doesn’t break down into a nervous fit. If you acknowledge discomfort or threat when you encounter it, and process it inwardly, while calmly working on a solution – that’s a positive sign. It inspires others to remain calm and follow your cool and collected lead through difficulties.

7. You take risks in being vulnerable.

Charismatic people are more willing than most others to take conversational risks. They often abandon conversational scripts about discussing the weather and instead go a level deeper. They reveal something personal – even quirks. Sharing their quirks with others actually enhances their appeal and charisma. It shows people they are real. They aren’t fake and predictable. If you often take risks in being vulnerable with people, it is a mark of strength not weakness. That is a defining characteristic of people with charisma. For example, Oprah laying bare everything from her troubled childhood to her weight battles on national TV comes to mind. Your strength shines through your cracks and your vulnerabilities.

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Bottom line:

Charisma is within. We all have it. You really don’t have to be Marilyn Monroe, Oprah or Brad Pitt to attract people towards you. If you accept this premise, then the question is not: “How can I have charisma.” The question is:“What are some of the ways in which I can reach within, tap into my charisma, and bring more out of myself in order to connect with more people?”

Featured photo credit: Charles Roffey via flickr.com

More by this author

David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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