We all know the story of Ebenezer Scooge in A Christmas Carolby Charles Dickens. He loses love and affection because of his crazy desire for money and it certainly did not bring him happiness or fulfillment. Once the surly miser realizes that materialism cannot bring him happiness, he becomes a changed man because he recognizes the value of love, family and friendship.
Here are 7 reasons why materialistic people fall into the same trap today. They can never gain fulfillment through material things such as owning property, trendy clothes, flashy cars and expensive holidays.
1. They treasure ownership of material objects.
They do not realize that sooner or later, the new apartment or expensive watch is going to lose value or wear out. They should be investing in things that feed their passions instead. Why not buy golf equipment to improve your golfing or go on a writing course to help you hone your writing skills? These are the investments that will last a lifetime. They will never wear out. We know that experiences will enrich our lives in a way that no material objects can.
“The things you own, end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything.” – Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club.
2. They are never challenged by their new shiny objects.
Owning the latest smartphone may challenge their tech savvy skills for a while but the novelty soon wears off. The real challenges of life come from experiences such as nurturing a relationship or a garden. These things can give you handsome rewards. When we spend money and time on gardening, we also take advantage of many health benefits such as keeping fit, reducing stress, and improving our mood.
3. They are worried about their economic future.
You often hear materialists talk about a rainy day and having enough put aside for emergencies. Reality shows us that people who concentrate on keeping their financial head above water are actually losing out. When Icelanders were facing economic ruin a few years ago, the ones who actually concentrated on regaining their economic status and wealth had lower levels of happiness. The other group who focused on family and community life were happier people in the end and were more emotionally stable. There is a lesson there for all of us to learn from!
“If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace.” – John Lennon
4. They are suffering from an addiction.
They get excited about buying that new flat screen which soon just becomes “the TV”, after the initial buzz and excitement wears off. In fact, research in the Journal of Consumer Research shows that pleasure in the acquisition of new things is definitely short-lived. However, the desire for short bursts of pleasure becomes an addiction. Many people have gone into debt because of multiple temporary consumer highs.
Now, you and I know that they will never be truly fulfilled because they do not see the value in personal transformation and emotional well-being. These do not cost a lot of money, but they do require time and love and effort. You cannot buy them.
“It is the preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.” – Bertrand Russell
5. They are fooled by marketers.
Look how they are conned into believing that happiness, fulfillment, acceptance, and worthiness are linked to actually acquiring material objects. Objects bring contentment and joy. The bombardment of these messages is relentless. Nike will make you feel empowered and Apple products are going to make you unique and stylish.
They buy these objects and they wonder why they still feel unhappy. Albert Galbraith hit the nail on the head way back in 1958 when he wrote The Affluent Society. His message was simply that materialism breeds discontent.
If you are not materialistic, you know that the real issues in life are the ones that have to be worked on and developed, day in and day out. Winning these battles will lead to personal growth, where you’ll become a more loving and kinder person.
6. They are liable to suffer from depression.
Materialistic people never realize that their spending power is not actually contributing in any way to their well-being. They would be shocked if they knew that billionaires tend to have higher rates of depression. The only difference money can make is when extremely poor people get enough to meet their basic needs. Once that is achieved, the pursuit of happiness is an entirely new adventure and cannot be bought.
7. They are more liable to have a marriage break-up.
The research in this particular area is pretty damning. Materialism has been linked to many unhappy relationships. Here is the result of one study which involved 1,700 couples. The unhappy couples involved in the study were those who had high materialism scores. There was a corresponding lack of contentment and affection. The happier couples were those who had lower materialism scores. This study was published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy.
If you are not materialistic, you possess more empathy and pro-social skills. This will protect any relationship even in the most difficult moments.
The materialists are all too busy acquiring all their new toys to realize there are other more important things in our lives which will actually bring real happiness. It is only when (or if) they discover these values that they will become well-off in every sense of the word.
You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.
Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:
1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically
According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.
“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor
Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:
If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.
If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.
Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:
Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.
Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.
To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.
Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.
Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.
Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.
Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.
Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:
2. Focus on your goal
One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.
Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’
Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.
Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.
If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.
3. Convert negativity to positivity
There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?
‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’
It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.
Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”
Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.
Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:
4. Understand your content
Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.
However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.
“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor
Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.
Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.
One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.
5. Practice makes perfect
Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.
In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.
Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!
6. Be authentic
There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.
Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.
Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.
To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.
With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.
Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:
7. Post speech evaluation
Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.
Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation
We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.
You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.
Improve your next speech
As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:
How did I do?
Are there any areas for improvement?
Did I sound or look stressed?
Did I stumble on my words? Why?
Was I saying “um” too often?
How was the flow of the speech?
Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.
If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too: