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3 Proven Ways To Succeed At Work Today

3 Proven Ways To Succeed At Work Today

When I began my career as a letter carrier, I knew that was my entryway into the federal workforce. But I also knew that IT was not my final destination. If I wanted to advance in my career, I had to do what my co-workers were not willing to do. So I volunteered for extra work assignments, helped my supervisors with their workload, and whenever I saw a void, I quickly filled it. In less than three years, I was supervising the very office that I had started out in as a letter carrier. And not only that, I had the respect and cooperation of every employee in the building because they saw my strong work ethic.

Do you want to advance in your chosen career field? If so, then take the following examples as a lesson.

1. Look for ways to add value.

In his book, Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, author Adam Grant shows that those who give in business are the ones that get ahead. When you proactively seek out ways to add value for others, you set yourself up to receive what you want in the future.

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Venture capitalist David Hornik, profiled in Grant’s book, gives entrepreneurs a chance to present ideas to him. If he’s intrigued, he backs the deal with his own money. He also gives in other ways. He openly shares information on his blog and even responds to emails from complete strangers. That’s how I was able to interview him. Hornik believes that success comes when you routinely pay attention to the needs of other people and find a way to fulfill that need. As Albert Einstein once said, “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” When you strive to be of value, your success is sure to follow. Who can you add value to in your company?

Action Item: Set an alarm on your cell-phone and block out 15-20 minutes once a week to jot down new ideas you can begin implementing at your workplace that will help add value to your employer.

2. Give with no expectation to receive.

I recently subscribed to the email list of Selena Soo. She is a publicity and business coach. In a case study she sent me, she mentions that she went from $0 to $157,000 in her first year as a coach. How you might ask? She did it by giving. That was a game-changer for her. When she realized giving with no expectation of return was the way to ethically get ahead, she did just that. She shares how she helped New York Times Best-Seller Ramit Sethi. He asked her for some feedback on his new website, and instead of just saying she liked version A or B, she dissected his website with some friends and sent him a detailed report with her feedback. She didn’t have to do this, but she did. She gave him more than what he asked for and was able to stand out. When she needed his assistance in the future, he was more than happy to help.

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What can you take away from Soo’s example? At your place of employment, how can you give more? How can you do more of what is expected of you? What would you want someone to do for you? Why not do that for someone at your job, whether it’s a co-worker or your boss?

Action Item: Get into the habit of skimming a lot of publications. Bookmark articles of interest and send the articles to key people in your organization with an email saying: “FYI, thought this might interest you.”

 3. Focus on helping others succeed.

The 2015 Dream Project Symposium is the brainchild of CEO Teneshia Jackson Warner. This is not just your ordinary business conference, but a symposium for all individuals who dare to dream bigger for their lives and businesses. I had the opportunity to interview Warner, and she made one bold move that can help anyone be successful in their job.

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“One day while at a conference, I bumped into Russel Simmons,” Warner said. “I knew this was my opportunity, so I pitched myself to him and told him I wanted to volunteer to work for him in exchange for an opportunity to learn from him. He gave me his fax number, when faxes were in vogue, and for 30 days straight, I faxed him my resume.” It worked. She eventually began working for Simmons as a volunteer and gained valuable experience that led to her starting her own business.

Did you happen to catch what Warner did that helped her to succeed? She volunteered. She discovered that you have to give first in order to get. One of my favorite quotes is by Zig Ziglar, which says, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” When you help others succeed by volunteering to help them, you will be remembered by them. After Warner helped Simmons for free, wouldn’t you know that he became her very first client? How can this help you in your career? Who could you help? What could you volunteer to do?

Action Item: Identify who you can help in your job. Research what they need help with. Make a list of how you can add value. Do it. Rinse and repeat. Remember, it can be as simple as forwarding an article that interests them, saying thank you, or congratulating them on a job well done.

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Featured photo credit: Steve Wilson via flickr.com

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Founder - Never Ever Give Up

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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