Being a Man in the 21st Century (Part 1)
Manhood is changing. It’s as simple, and as complicated, as that.
Two recent events prompted me to write about manhood today. The first was the release of The Shriver Report, a study of the status of women in the United States. The second was the publication of The Art of Manliness, a book of advice on manhood based on the popular blog of the same name.
The Shriver Report’s most stunning finding is that women now make up half of the American workforce, and are the primary breadwinner or co-breadwinner in 2/3 of American families. While I think the report goes too far in calling us “a woman’s nation” – for one thing, women still earn much less, both in terms of average annual income and lifetime income, than men – it does highlight a significant change in American culture. People my age and lower will most likely never know a workplace in which men and women don’t figure at least equally.
The Art of Manliness is one sign of this change. While I haven’t read the book yet, I’ve been following the blog since its inception, and to boil it down to its essence: men are not quite sure how to be anymore.
Masculinity has been constructed over the last century almost entirely around the idea of men as providers and protectors, and frankly, women don’t need that any more. Already in at least a dozen major metropolitan areas, women earn on average more than men. Women are waiting longer to get married, and are more often the initiators of divorce – with their own incomes, they can afford to be pickier about their spouses, both going into marriage and when deciding whether to continue their relationships.
This has all happened in the context of larger social changes that have eliminated a great many jobs that were traditionally the sole province of men – the manufacturing and heavy labor jobs that relied on a powerful physique and a kind of working class swagger, most of which have been either automated or off-shored. At the same time, a new knowledge economy has sprung up, privileging communication, creativity, and self-motivation over brawn and emotional control. While there’s no inherent reason why women should do better in these emerging businesses than men, the fact is that men have largely given over the field while wasting time twiddling our thumbs over the loss of jobs where “men could be men”.
What do I mean? Well, women now make up the majority of college and grad school students, even in many areas in science and technology traditionally considered to be men’s domains. Boys almost never read – only some 1 out of 5 young adult books are read by boys, who have determined that reading books is for sissies. Boys are more likely to drop out of high school (35% of boys vs 28% of girls in 2003).
Basically, instead of learning how to be men in a changing world, we’ve been boys, dragged kicking and screaming into a world where women are increasingly equal players. Waaahhhh!
Emphasis on “kicking” – instead of figuring out how to do this new thing, we’ve focused most of our energy on simply emphasizing the characteristics that traditionally defined masculinity, namely toughness and physical brawn. Even our toys have been affected! For instance, below are two pictures of Luke Skywalker dolls. On the left is the Luke that I had when I was a boy, right after the first movie came out. On the right is a more recent version of the same character.
As you can see, the farm boy from Tattooine has been working out quite a bit since his debut in 1977! The same bulking up can be seen in nearly all figures aimed at boys – they’ve become more muscular, conveying a greater impression of raw physical power.
This wouldn’t be especially remarkable if not for the fact that physical power is less and less needed in our society – even in the military. These toys embody ideals that are increasingly disconnected with the reality that we live in, a kind of ironic nostalgia for a time when “men were men”. (Ironic because, when we look back at those men, they were quite a bit softer and less physically imposing than we think!)
In the end, the exaggerated emphasis on toughness and physical strength are misleading – and besides creating a great deal of violence in our society, they are preventing us from thinking in constructive ways about the kind of men we could be in today’s world. And that’s too bad, because the changes we’re living in are largely positive – men are, or could be, much more connected with their families and their partners, women are getting the opportunity to develop identities that aren’t solely defined by motherhood, and the workforce is getting a much larger pool of people to draw talent from. Win-win-win!
I’ll be back later in the week with a follow-up to this post describing some of the ways I think men can more productively engage the society we live in – without sacrificing some core sense of our identities as men. But before I do that, I wanted to get a sense of what you see as masculine in the new century. Men, how is your life different from your fathers’? Women, what do you want and expect from the men in your lives? Let’s get a discussion going!
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Dustin Wax
Dustin M. Wax is a freelance writer and project manager at Stepcase Lifehack. He can be reached though his freelancing site at DustinWax.comDon't Be Stupid: A Guide to Learning, Studying, and Succeeding at College.
Follow him on Twitter: @dwax.
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Comments
Gordie Rogers says on October 27th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Women seem to be increasingly attracted to effeminate looking men. No good for square-jawed guys like me. Lol!
sd says on October 27th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Actually, my life is not that much different from my father’s 30 years ago. The atmosphere is different, though. Back then, having one’s wife work was perceived as an admission that you could not support your family on just your income. But my mom wanted to work for social and intellectual reasons, and she did.
Nowadays, many husbands AND wives work because the lifestyle they want to live requires two incomes. Or the economy has taken away one job (in part or in full) and the other income is necessary to pay the bills. It’s also more accepted that women will be on a career track that doesn’t stop (permanently) just because they get married or bear children. So, from that perspective, my life is not much different from my father’s.
One element I hope you will examine for the second part of this series is one you touched on toward the end: while women (at least in the U.S.) have made continued progress toward greater incomes, more flexible living arrangements, etc., men seem to have stayed more like boys. I think there are interesting implications to this. One is in U.S. foreign relations, which, for several recent years, seemed to be based more on machismo than military intelligence. Another is the disproportionate influence of patriarchical societies and faith communities on supposedly-secular governments. It may be a lot to work into this series, but I think there are some a-ha insights present here.
Thomas says on October 27th, 2009 at 10:54 am
My father was an ex-marine who worked in law enforcement for 35+ years, while my mother stayed home with my sister and I until kindergarten. despite all this my family has considered woman equals for several generations.
Both grandmothers where highly educated(one a Lawyer, the other a tenured professor at an Ivy League School), even my great-grandmother on one side was also highly educated, earning a degree in botany, only because she was not allowed to study human anatomy for a biology degree.
My wife has a higher degree than me, and makes more than twice my salary. she is also arguably stronger than me, which leaves only the fact that I am 11 inches taller as the only sense of having something over her.
King Awesome says on October 27th, 2009 at 11:09 am
My father left before I was born, as soon as he found out my mother was pregnant. A few years later he had his own family and got married. I’ve never met him, because I don’t want to see what I could turn out to be. I’ve promised myself to be, if nothing else, a good father to my children. I’m 21, and it looks like that is close to happening, and I’ve never ever been happier. I don’t want to be better than my partner, I want to be equal, I want there to be something between us that always makes us question each other, keep us talking, never getting bored of each other.
Jesse says on October 27th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Interesting article, and I can’t wait for the second half!
As a stay at home mom, I can tell you that we get a LOT of flack – even from family members! Mostly people have the impression that I sit on my bum all day long doing nothing. (HAH! With a 4 year old? I don’t think so!) And people are always asking what my husband thinks of it! *sigh* My sister (who is a single mother) even thinks that I’ve been FORCED into it, and refuses to see that it was a mutual decision made BEFORE we had kids!
Now, I have to admit here that I, too, LOVE the Art of Manliness site! I think, that for men, it is spot-on! I only wish that there were something similar for women without all of that “mind your husband’s rule” junk – I feel that AoM does a good job of placing women as equals rather than as lesser-beings.
What I would like to hear more of, though, is what impact the introduction of “teenagers” has had on the change of gender roles – where typically, a person of teen-age would be entering into business and life responsibilities, now teens are in more of a no-man’s land (they want to be adults, yet they’ve not developed responsibility, so we keep them out of situations where they might learn it). While most girls enter the teen years crushing “real men” and looking for the Prince Charming of their youth, most teen boys are not given that drive to have responsibility anymore, and see girls portrayed as bodies instead of an entire package (minds AND bodies). I see it affecting people even past my own age (I’m 28) – men haven’t learned HOW to be a man, and by the time they DO, women have given up on the “real man” crush and decided to take care of themselves instead. I’ve seen a LOT of my friends and family divorce from this problem – everyone says that their “needs” weren’t being met, but I have to wonder whether they knew what they REALLY needed or not.
My favorite relationship line was from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and I think it sums it up best: “The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. And the neck can turn the head ANY WAY SHE WANTS TO.”
Ger says on October 27th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I am a 24 year old female, and have few, if any hangovers from those traditional male/female roles. Growing up, my parents both worked, but at different times of the year. Dad worked winters and looked after us in summer. Mom worked in summers and looked after us in winter. This meant that both my parents played equal roles as breadwinners and as homemakers. They were equals inside and outside of the home, working as a team. That is what I want and expect from men – to treat me as an equal both in the workplace and at home, as part of a team with joint-leadership. That’s all, it’s not much to ask :)
Isi says on October 27th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Wow! This is a great topic and something that has come to mind many times. I think of my dad and my friends dads or my grandpa and I think of Men. Real Men. Not because of their strength but because of the air around them, the things they did, how they took care of their family, how the fought for their values, etc…
I think of my dad working on the car, even when it wasn’t broke – always fiddling with something in the garage (i cannot think of the last time is actually used my garage as anything other than storage – certainly not out of a want – just the way it is).
Looking around I see many aspects of life that were traditionally managed by the ladies in our lives being shifted at least in part toward the men. Even the idea of bring up two boys in the world today makes me question if I am qualified to help them become men. What do i teach them? How do i do so? Can they act like boys without sending me or my s/o to prison? (no officer i didn’t know my 13 y/o boy was at the park a mile away – is there a problem – did he do something…no…but i neglectful because i wasn’t up his ass on the swing…)
In many cases it is hard to put a finger on why this article – and the art of manliness website strike a cord with me. The ideal of being a man might have been lost before my time leaving me and other in my generation (30-somethings) to flounder while we search for it – whatever it might be.
I look forward to your next section.
Kenji Crosland says on October 27th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I had been raised to think of men and women as equals, and this became a bit of a problem for me when I went to live in Japan. I could see that Japan was far behind the US as far as equality of the sexes. This became apparent to me in the dating scene, where women (at least most of those I met) didn’t have much ambition of their own. Maybe it’s just me, but I find ambition and independence in a woman to be sexy. That’s one of the reasons I went back to the US from Japan after five years.
I did, however, meet a lot of Western men in Japan who were attracted to less independent women. To them, the situation where the woman stayed at home and the man was the breadwinner seemed a better fit.
Laura says on October 27th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
“Women, what do you want and expect from the men in your lives?”
Interesting question.
If an expectation is a “must have” in the sense that its absence will cause a problem, then a “want” is like the whipped cream on a sundae: its awfully nice to have but you can get by without it. I find it’s helped me to clarify the distinction, to myself at least. For example, it’s true that I “want” my husband to mow the lawn because it’s tiring and boring, on the other hand in these days of riding lawn mowers there is no reason for me to make it an “expectation”, particularly if he’s the one with asthma. Do I want him to bring home oodles of money? Sure. Should I make it an expectation? Well, that depends on my other expectations, i.e: if I expect him to share the housework and the kids, then I can’t expect him to work 65 hour weeks to earn the big paycheck.
I think part of the problem is that for the first time ever there is no single society-approved answer to this question. As you said, a man no longer needs to be a provider and protector first and foremost. As a result, what a woman will want and expect should vary depending on the woman. If she herself brings home oodles of money, she may not mind a struggling artist for a husband. If she loves to cook, she may not mind if he never boils water. I’m not trying to be vague, but I really think the answer to the question should be tailored to the people involved.
Another interesting question is why should a woman’s expectations for a man differ that much from what she expects from herself? Again, I’m not talking about “wants”, but the deal breaker expectations. Personally, mine are:
– self-respect
– emotional self-sufficiency at least 50% of the time
– kindness
– ability to laugh at life
– openness to new ideas
– problem solving abilities, rather than a helpless reaction
– respect for others
– belief in gender equality
– basic cleanliness and an attempt at good grooming
If we’re talking whipped-cream wants then go ahead and add in piles of money, amazingly sexy good looks, and unwavering devotion straight out of a romance novel – why not? It’s probably pretty much the same list of “wants” most men would have.
Will says on October 27th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Hey Dustin,
I wrote an article similar to this, a few weeks ago asking “Is Chivalry Dead?” and noticed that there’s quite a bit of overlap.
Anyway, much like you, I feel that the modern man has lost their way. The concept of masculinity has been eroded due to the women’s equality movement and as such, we’ve lost our way.
In Modern Western Society, we’ve lost those “rites of passage” that indoctrinate us into what makes for becoming “man”.
We’ve lost that sense of purpose and edge that makes for what’s now considered a “strong responsible man”.
I consider myself fortunate to be born in this era. My father’s time was much different as everything wasn’t handed to him “on a silver platter” so to speak. He was taught to be self-sufficient, improvising with the few resources he had at his own disposal.
In all honesty, I feel that we’re raised in a culture of whiney babies that complain what the world hasn’t given to them.
The point of this long-winded comment is that we’ve lost that sense of edge and purpose that was taught to us from strong male role models in our lives and now we’re trying to make up for it through these discusssions in person and online.
Isi says on October 27th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
@Laura – well said. Good to hear it from a ladies’ perspective as well. I think your list sums up nicely what men want in a woman as well.
What about the protective bit. I certainly am no superhero (not a mouse either) – but how can a man tell that a woman feels secure – physically and emotionally – around him. That she believes he can indeed protect her and potentially their kids. Is the mere fact that she remains answer enough?
Heather says on October 27th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I am a woman who was raised by my grandparents. Their relationship was non traditional and my first exposure to a woman’s ability to be the head of the household. My grandmother was strong willed, opinionated and independent. My grandfather was sensitive, passive and obedient. However when it came to her children (she had a boy and a girl), she did not invest in my mother. It was my uncle who received the privilege. He was able to engage in extra curricular activities, when a car was purchased it was given to him and he was the one who went to college. My mother was taught to cook, clean and perform wifely and domestic duties. By the time I came into the picture I was given the freedom to come into my own. It was the late 80’s transitioning into the 90’s when I became a teenager and realized the potential I had as a woman. Being of my own mind and not repressed by social guidelines I understood that I had the opportunity to compete. Men did not intimidate me. I feel that there are some areas that men and women are equal and others in which we both possess strengths and weaknesses that compliment each other and together can be used successfully.
Women may have been regarded as the fairer sex but once we decided to take control of our lives and responsibility for our fate and stop using men as an excuse as to why we can’t achieve anything, the action began. Women took on the challenge to match or exceed the abilities and level of success of their male counterparts from academics, to body building to business to politics, medicine, science and the arts without gender advantage.
Men had an immense amount of responsibility to undertake in the past and I would like to think of the division of power as more of an alleviation or sharing of responsibilities versus a struggle or war for dominance. I feel the opportunity for men and woman to succeed along side one another has given life to the dawning of an existence rich with strength of mind and body, emotional connectivity and indefinite potential for the human spirit and heart.
This is the only problem – As a woman – what did we give up in exchange for this empowerment? Being a single woman, my experience is that some men have taken to our independence and self sufficiency as a means to categorize men as obsolete in our lives. There are many men who no longer see a purpose or place a high value on marriage or even procreation. Many men have taken a casual attitude towards woman and they are less likely to place the necessary time and effort into resolving problems and making the necessary compromises to maintain and grow a relationship. I remember when I was in elementary school, I was the only kid in my class that had a divorced parent. By the time I reached high school it became status quo.
Has a woman’s need for love and partnership been traded out for success and independence ?
If we don’t need or want men to protect us, physically help us, support us, sexually satisfy or impregnate us then what DO we need them for ?
Perhaps it’s embedded in our DNA or purely psychological, but speaking for myself the allure and mystery of man transcends superficialities such as braun or other so called “real man” attributes. I think one of the most beneficial results to develop in man from the pseudo sexual revolution is mans ability to be emotionally expressive. In the days of the “Duke” it was looked down upon for a man to cry, express emotion or display an interest in things that were considered “feminine”. I cannot begin to tell you how impressed and pleased I am with a man who is in touch with his feelings, creative, expressive and appreciative of a range of arts from theatre to cuisine. That to me is a man come full circle.
So, as for your Luke Skywalker figure Dustin, I think he’d be just as manly less the 6 pack and his accessories replaced with a book on philosophy, tickets to Les Miserables and a telescope.
Looking forward to part 2 !
gsempe says on October 27th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Great analyze!
Can’t wait for the part 2.
Rebekah says on October 27th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
I am doing my senior paper on the loss of masculinity in the 21st century man. I find this article very helpful in my research, and it is also reassuring that a man is realizing that they have been left at boyhood. One thing that I do disagree with is when you said “women don’t need to be cared for.” I think women have always and will always need to be loved and cherished. We like to know there are strong arms to fall into when we stumble. I believe that when men started to shriek on their responsibilities and realized once they came back from WW2 that women could work men became lazy, in turn women then saw that they needed to take care of themselves and they also enjoyed/enjoy the thrill of working. And so began the cycle. Now men don’t know who to date women because they aren’t going to the house picking her up and paying. She might meet him there and pay for herself, in which case the man doesn’t know how to respond. Its just another example of how confusing women are. I am very excited about part 2!
Penstalker says on October 27th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Nice post on being men in the 21st century. True enough, most male office workers seem at a loss on how to become manly. Sure they earn a pretty decent sum of money but most of the office workers i know from my generation don’t know much about traditional male roles like doing plumbing work in their own sink, tinkering with their own car troubles, or other “manly” house jobs.
Given the major changes in our lifestyles, I wonder if we can successfully rethink the concept of manhood and the place of men in the society…
can’t wait for part 2. :)
Kevin says on October 28th, 2009 at 9:58 am
I am 30, married for six years, with an almost two year old son, with another on the way. I have been the sole breadwinner of our family the entire time, except approximately the nine or so months previous our first child [my wife worked full-time to save extra money for the baby]. Although my job [and I do have a decent, well-paying career] is barely enough to make ends meet [I also work 5-8 hours OT/week], my wife works approximately 10-12 hours/week to supplement our income.
I would also like to note that my wife is a stay-at-home-mom, not a housewife. I find it interesting that most women over the last ten to fifteen years have shifted to this SAHM title.
That said, I work, do my own and my wife’s laundry, do my own ironing, do a good brunt of the house cleaning, make breakfast and lunch, all the outside yard work, leaf blowing, snow shoveling, I change my own oil, brakes and other minor mechanical work, home improvements like building a deck, fixing a toilet, painting, and spend quality time with our son, playing, reading or just hanging out.
I do this, as much as I have to but also because I feel the need to. And yes, I do gripe about it when I feel overloaded, when things I ask to get done are ignored. But still it all gets done.
I am from a divorced and both remarried home. My father, a Vietnam vet, worked in a printing factory, his father, WWII vet, in a ceramics factory. Both are “men” of that era that we speak of. My stepfather, college grad, raised by Sicilian immigrants who both worked, with the household duties split between, had a different upbringing than my father. I feel that because I was fortunate to have BOTH kinds of male role models, one to teach me to have a hard selfless work ethic, and one to teach me about philosophy and the arts has made me into the man I am today.
And that’s what being a man to me is. Being someone who can wake up at six in the morning to build a landscape wall, then take your wife to a show that evening. Being someone who can work all day, then come home and give your child a bath and read him his bedtime book.
That’s a real man. And I think that’s where we’ve been lost and confused. For a long time, there was only one kind of man: the industrial worker-type. Then we see a movement of what today we’d call a metrosexual, men that are more “ladylike” in certain aspects of their life. I think the confusion in the belief that you have to be one or the other. The idea that a “real man” wouldn’t go to the ballet, or that a “modern man” can’t dig a ditch in the 95 degree heat of summer.
Be both, be a man. And damnit, be proud of it. Have some pride, get your hands dirty, be romantic with your wife, a teacher to your children, and love the arts.
Mike says on October 28th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
The main problem is that we live in a pro-feminism nation. Listen to the language used on TV; look at some magazine or newspaper ads; take a step back and really listen to what you’re being told at every turn… Women are great and men are dopes who deserve to be swatted if they say something stupid.
A lot of guys are buying into this garbage too. They’ve been brainwashed into believing that women really are better drivers, managers, CEO’s, etc… The problem with the fact that women are getting more degrees is that they system is now catering to the way women learn. The feminism movement has brainwashed people into believing that men and women are the same, when really, there are many differences. Think about all of the head starts women are given throughout their lives… All of the aid, scholarships, women only support groups, etc… It’s no wonder they’re pulling ahead of men.
Equality? None these days I’m afraid…
Bursa Haber says on October 28th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
My favorite relationship line was from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and I think it sums it up best: “The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. And the neck can turn the head ANY WAY SHE WANTS TO.”
idlemall says on October 28th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Not that it’s not right for men to be strong, but that the brain needs to be synchronized.
gn says on October 29th, 2009 at 8:04 am
I would like to see your perspective on the extended boyhood that I have observed in many young men in their 20s and 30s. Comic books and toys and the cartoon network. And does consumerism create this trend?
(45 yo woman whose salary is above the US median)
casey says on October 29th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
This is a great topic, and an issue I’ve been interested in for years. I first noticed the change when I went back to school to finish my degree at the age of 25. The attitudes and behavior of my 18-23 year old classmates was very different from mine.
There is a lack of, what I refer to as, mental and emotional toughness in today’s young men. Hence, the over emphasis on physical prowess that has led to a rise in eating disorders and steroid use among young college men.
Look at how we enculturate our little boys. Starting in elementary school, typical little boy behavior is being suppressed through social engineering. Behavior once thought of as typical for a little boy is now labeled as undesirable. According to CDC stats, diagnosis of ADHD in boys is almost twice that of girls. The rise in single mother households and a decline in positive male role models is also a contributing factor.
Pop-culture plays a part in this problem. Look at the rise in “douchebag” culture and wannabe MMA fighters. In Hollywood, where are the heroes? Where is our modern day Steve McQueen, Clint Eastwood, or John Wayne?
There are so many aspects to this issue, I could go on and on. But I want to share a first hand experience.
A couple of years ago, I was coaching a Little League team-12 year olds. I was astounded at how hypersensitive these kids were. Very few of them could handle constructive criticism. On multiple occasions I witnessed one of the kids break down and cry on the field. I couldn’t believe it. 20 years ago, when I was their age, that just didn’t happen. It didn’t matter if you took a bad hop straight to the mouth, or you just lost the championship, if you were in pain or upset, you waited till you were off the field and alone before you cried.
And for all you young women out there that complain about not being able to find a “real man”. Stop dating douchebags! Young men are susceptible to what young women want. If you stop paying attention to these guys, this horrible fad will go away.
Jimmy says on November 9th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Where are these so called independent women you speak of? Just because you act independent doesn’t mean you’re independent. I pay for everything, not because I want to but because they’re broke. And just because you finish college doesn’t mean you’re smart or educated, anyone can finish college. Is this article about who’s better? If it is, than compare apples to apples, in that sense then yeah women are getting ahead of us, but you know why, BECAUSE WE DON’T CARE ANYMORE THAT’S WHY! Work, school, money, none of it matters anymore. Men like myself realize that this pointless competition not only means nothing but only affords you more pointless competition and I’m more than happy to let all the women win because the reward for your hard work is only bragging rights and frankly that’s not enough. Our insatiable will is what makes us human and also the reason why humans can never be truly happy. So who’s really more evolved here? The ones that continue to work and strive for nothing or the ones that figure out that it’s pointless. There seems to be a melancholy and existential sort of aura engulfing many men, myself included. And I’m happy to have this enlightenment.
Jimmy says on November 9th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Another thing I forgot to mention is all the females that make it a habit to note how much they make or the fact that they’re income is higher than their partners are pathetic. Grow up, who cares what you make.
Furthermore, American men are vaginas which is not all their fault but at least half their fault. When I cried as a little boy my dad told me to shut the **** up or call me a girl, which has gained me emotional control and the ability to stay calm in tough situations. The majority of the men I meet cry and bitch about everything, even things that are not important, which come to think of it reminds me of women.
Dustin Wax says on November 9th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
I love to see an angry, sputtering rant about how real men have emotional control. Emotional control is for sociopaths, Jimmy — healthy adults recognize the value of their emotions and the importance of expressing themselves in their relations with others.
I think you’re right, though — we are profoundly unhappy. Look at the nature of the work this society has put in front of us — who do you know that can look at a job he’s done (or she, for that matter, but this is a post about men) and say “I made something good”? That’s why I stress passion and self-expression in Part 2 of this post — without it we are fulfilling someone else’s potential.
Charlotte says on November 23rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
I thought this was a very interesting article. Both my S/O and I are knowledge workers. We have 2 daughters and he is fully involved in their care and development. He’s not hung up on traditional masculine roles. I read him the post and he commented on something I hadn’t considered, with regards the pumped up, macho image signified by the Luke Skywalker toys. He said “Why do unemployed men frequently end up in the gym, pumping up? Because it’s the only thing left within their control. Women tend to concentrate on their weight and men on their muscles.” I thought the comment might interest you.
Elnora Augustan says on December 21st, 2009 at 8:06 am
Interesting!!
Where is part 2?
Wm Blackstone says on February 18th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
This is definitely “pop-socio-psych” stuff. Being a man starts with being an adult human being. The surface junk is just that, junk. If you behave and think and feel like an adult human being, openly communicate, and try to better yourself as a responsible, caring human being, you will be a man. The “quest” for “power” is a hollow, stupid, childish behavior. Not openly and honestly communicating is also childish and immature. Other people can tell when you’re being phony and fake, just as they can tell when you’re being sincere and real. Traditional “roles” means simply that you have bought someone else’s definition of what you ought to be like — hence, unrealistic. Stop being such ignorant a**es and be the best “you” you can be. Stop being an immature, whiny, child in an adult body. We can tell when you’re “a man” or “a woman”. We can also tell when you’re not.