If you have no friends, it feels like you’ll be lonely for life. Of course, that’s not true. You can still make new friends, even if you find yourself in a situation with no friend in sight. This happens when you move to a new city, break up with someone that was your only friend and lover, or make important changes in your lifestyle.
Here are important steps that can take you from being lonely to having the friends you want.
Understand Loneliness and Shyness
Loneliness and shyness can cause many easily misunderstand and misinterpreted feelings. Understanding the right meanings of loneliness and shyness is the key to overcoming them.
Loneliness, for instance, is nothing more than a signal your body generates when you’re not experiencing any social connection. It signals to you that the need for social connection is as important as eating or drinking.
If you misunderstand the state of loneliness, you could get stuck in it for no reason whatsoever, especially when you have no friends and don’t know how to deal with it.
Shyness, on the other hand, is the fear of social criticism. Let me say that again: It’s the fear of social criticism. In other words, shyness is just the fear of something that might happen, but probably won’t.
If you misunderstand shyness and therefore hide or withdraw from people, they will most likely interpret that as you rejecting them Even if your intentions are good and you are just avoiding rejection out of shyness, people can misunderstand those actions as an insult to their value. This can make them think you are snobbish or conceited, and they will, in turn, start rejecting you.
Master Conversation and Social Skills
Conversation is the blood vein of social connection. If you master it, you’ll get all the friends and influence you want.
One important factor is the ability to keep a conversation going. In order to do this, you need to learn to get interested in others and ask them questions about themselves.
You also want find a way to connect with and speak intelligently to the topic of conversation. Finding that common ground in conversation is what guarantees that people will want to spend more time in your company.
Learn to Make Friends and Build Your Social Circle
The first thing to know about making friends is that it is a skill. It’s not something you’re born with, as many people like to believe.
Making friends is not a magical ability that only a few have. It is a learned skill. Most of us learned how to make friends when we were little but many of us need to learn the new skill of making friends as adults.
To do that, you need to find groups of people that meet up regularly and have interests that are similar to your own. You also need to learn how to find commonalities with these people beyond that first common interest in order to turn your new acquaintances into friends. If you feel like you are bonding with an individual, meet up with them once or twice in a social setting. If all goes well, you should meet up with them regularly in order to maintain and strengthen the bond.
These are all skills that you can learn how to do. It’s not that complicated when you know how.
After you have made a few friends, the next step is to introduce them to each other. If you do that, you will arrive at what we call a social circle: a nice circle of friends that works with you in making plans, introduces new people into the group, and creates amazing experiences that you will enjoy together.
Once you have a nice circle of friends, you’re no longer the only one trying to improve your social life. Your close friends will help you out with it, too!
- Paul SandersFeatured photo credit: sad unhappy girl in the autumn forest, stress, depression via Shutterstock