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8 Signs You’re Not Following Your Heart When You’re Living

8 Signs You’re Not Following Your Heart When You’re Living

If you want a happy, fulfilling, and enjoyable life, you have pick the path that makes your heart sing.

This may sound simple, but if you’re anything like I used to be, your mind is such a chatterbox about what ‘looks good’ or ‘opens the most doors’ or ‘looks good on paper’ that your mind drowns out the voice of your heart. You make choices based on what sounds reasonable instead of what you are passionate about. When you do this, you’ll find that one day you wake up and realize that, despite having a life that looks pretty successful, you are feeling rather numb inside.

Is this you? Here are 8 signs that you are not following your heart and need to start again.

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1. You have others make important decisions for you.

If you don’t know or don’t like what your heart is telling you, you designate someone else to make important decisions for you. Should I go on a second date with Ella? Should I go to law school or join this non-for-profit? This way you don’t need to deal with your heart at all and can always blame the other person if things go wrong. The only problem here is that you are no longer the master engineer of your life. In the end, it is far more fulfilling to make all of your own choices, ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ and take whatever consequences come your way. That is what it means to be alive.

2. You are ‘succeeding,’ but feel…nothing.

You have worked for months to get that project, engagement, or club membership. But now that you have it, you don’t feel the wave of joy that you had predicted. You are on to the next project. This likely means one of two things: either your heart wasn’t in the project, or your inner do-a-holic took over. Regardless, take a minute to savor a project when you complete it. Ask yourself, “Does this make me happy? Why?” Give your heart a chance to share its opinion. And be okay with the answer if it’s, “I just am not that excited about it!”

3. You think in terms of pros and cons lists.

The mind loves to make lists. The heart does not: it just feels. So if you find yourself making or justifying a decision with a pros and cons list, consider that you have not consulted your heart. It’s okay to make these lists, but they have to be used in partnership with the ‘gut’ feeling from your heart.

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4. You are a chameleon.

You are proud of your ability to fit in anywhere and get along with anyone, which is a talent, for sure. But in masterfully adapting to new environments, you lose sight of who you are. Consider that if you fit in everywhere, maybe it’s time that you didn’t.

5. You have to drag yourself out of bed in the morning.

The old cliché is usually true. If you are not looking forward to what the day holds in store for you, then odds are that there is something blocking your heart from getting excited about it. This could be something as simple as an issue that needs to be resolved before your heart can sing again, or something as all-encompassing as the fact that your job is not the right one for you. Start to investigate. Ask your heart what you are dreading about your day, and take action.

6. You are always thinking about what you really want.

You are dating John, but thinking about Ted. You are working at a bank but wish you were advising in Washington. You need to figure out if these thoughts are a ‘grass is always greener’ mentality, or if these thoughts really are your heart trying to tell you that you need to make different choices. You can do this by taking three actions per week that investigate what you really want. Pay attention to your heart. If the more you learn, the more you want the new path, then your heart is likely telling you to make a change.

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7. You’re afraid to stand out.

You know what your heart is telling you to do (“Tell your boss that you have a great idea for the project!”), but you are afraid of being wrong, looking bad, or being rejected. So you zip up and don’t say anything. This may be a safe approach to life, but it sure won’t win you any awards for happiness. Consider that in order to follow your heart, you are going to have to stand out.

8. You are not using your natural passions.

You may be good at what you do, but being good at something doesn’t necessarily mean you are passionate about it. Think back on the 20 happiest moments of your life. What do they have in common? In there you will find your passions. Are those passions present in your current job? In your relationship?

The first step to finding your heart is to admit that you are not listening to it in a certain aspect of your life. Then you can get curious and start to give your heart the air time that it needs.

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Which points on this list describe you? Write me a note and share.

Featured photo credit: Happy kid is happy/Nicko Witjatmoko via flickr.com

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Published on June 19, 2019

Your Beliefs About Success May Be Holding You Back

Your Beliefs About Success May Be Holding You Back
Pause for a moment and think about how you would describe success.

If your description is dominated by money or status, then your image of success is faulty.

For example, there are countless people who have these assets but don’t feel successful. Some of these people have enormous amounts of disposable income, but work so many hours during the day that they have no life beyond their work.

Would you regard these people as successful?

At first glance, I likely wouldn’t.

And, then there are the endless celebrities who go from fame to failure (think bankruptcy, addictions and worse).

Are they successful?

Probably not.

In truth, success is about happiness and fulfillment in life.

But, there is more than one definition of success. Just look at the above example of the person who worked too hard to spend their money. If they’re happy with their life, then we shouldn’t criticize their version of success.

So how about you? Do you have a clear definition of what success looks like for you?

If you don’t, you’ll be constantly chasing someone else’s idea of success, and could find yourself totally unfulfilled and miserable.

The good news is that over the next few minutes, I’m going to give you the tools you need to build a crystal clear picture of YOUR SUCCESS.

Positive Thinking

With the right attitude, anything can seem possible.

For instance, if you’re fed up with your job, but do nothing to change it, then you’ll likely be stuck there for years to come. But, if you see the job as a stepping stone to something bigger and better, then not only will you enjoy your work more, but you’ll have something positive to aim towards (e.g., a promotion or new job).

The example above demonstrates a little-known factor of success… suffering!

Yes, suffering may be a negative thing that most people go out of their way to avoid; but successful people use suffering as a springboard to big achievements. Mindset really does separate the losers from the winners.

Another thing you can do, is to gradually build up your positivity and confidence by tracking your progress towards your goals. And, each time you accomplish something – however small – be sure to celebrate it!

This is a great way to propel you towards success.

The Purpose of a Purpose

What is your purpose in life?

These are questions I suggest you spend some time thinking about. To help you find the answers, consider the following:

If you just seek a career, all you will find is a career.

But, if you seek a purpose, you’ll find something much more than a career – you’ll find your calling. And when you’ve found this, and you begin following it, you’ll be firmly in the middle of the happiness, satisfaction and success zone.

This is backed by science, with research showing that people who have a purpose and meaning in life have an increase in:[1]
  • Overall well-being
  • Mental and physical health
  • Resiliency
  • Self-esteem

But, don’t mistake seeking happiness and success as your purpose. These things are a natural result of following your purpose – but shouldn’t be your focal point.

Austrian Neurologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said it well:

“It is the very pursuit of happiness, that thwarts happiness.”

What about YOUR purpose?

If you’re struggling to identify it, look for the things in your life that you’re good at, enthuse you, and provide a benefit to the world.

Becoming a Better You

Are your beliefs holding you back?

If yes, here are three things you can do RIGHT NOW to break out of your mind trap:

  1. Boost Your Confidence: you can do this by overcoming challenges that come your way. For example, if you have a fear of public speaking, face this challenge head-on by agreeing to do regular presentations for your company, or by joining a public speaking organization like Toastmasters International. Speak in public often enough, and your fear of it will plunge like a river going over a waterfall.
  2. Develop Healthy Habits: I’m talking about positive habits that will serve you day in, day out. Habits such as lifelong learning, eating well, and waking up early. When these things are automatic for you, you’ll reap incredible benefits from them. Take eating well, for example. You’ll feel better. You’ll look better. And you’ll have way more energy to make things happen in your life.
  3. Invoke the Magic of Goal Setting: Without goals, you’ll drift through life like a plastic bottle in the sea. But with goals, you’ll be like a 100m sprinter running towards the finishing line. Goals really are powerful tools. They’ll direct your focus and energy, and will allow you to track your progress in life. I recommend the SMART goal-setting method (find out about this here).

And, always remember… don’t compare yourself to others; only compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

Each step you take forward is making you a better version of you.

Success Is Self-Love

I encourage you to take the tips I’ve shared in this article and put them into action in your life. Ideally, starting right now!

Firstly, transform your mindset by facing up to challenges and overcoming them. Then spend time to discover your purpose. And, once you’ve found it – start following it.

Becoming a better version of you will take some time, but will be worth the wait. Not only will you reach into untapped potential in your life, but you’ll also develop respect and love for yourself along the way.

So don’t let your beliefs hold you back anymore. BREAK FREE from them and start enjoying a happy, healthy and successful life.

Featured photo credit: Razvan Chisu via unsplash.com

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