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There Are No Do-Overs…But There Are Second Chances

There Are No Do-Overs…But There Are Second Chances


    What’s done is done.

    We can’t turn back the clock of time. Good or bad, right or wrong, it is done. It’s over!

    • Once the ingredients are mixed, we can not separate them apart.
    • Once a word goes from our mouth, we can not take it back.
    • Once we do an action, we can not choose another one in its place.
    • Once wood is reduced to sawdust, you can’t make it back into a board
    • Once Humpty Dumpty fell, all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again
    • Once today arrives, it becomes too late to live in yesterday

    Despite the fact that no one can not refute the obvious statements above, it is not uncommon for many of us still finding ourselves reworking yesterday.  As a psychotherapist, I am struck by how many of my clients can not seem to leave the land of “if onlys” and “woulda coulda shouldas.”  

    For those clients, yesterday prevents them from living fully in today as guilt, regret and hindsight makes them so much wiser. They cannot forgive themselves for not “knowing better” at the time.

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    If only we knew everything when we were four!

    The good news is that there is an alternative to the emotional paralysis of, “I should have known better-itis.”  Instead of wishing you had known better and kicking yourself that you didn’t, how about giving yourself a second chance?

    Give Yourself a “Second Chance Checklist”

    1. Turn unproductive regrets into productive regrets.  

    Regrets are important in our life to help us self-correct.  The key is to recover from and build on the sharp sting of regrets to look for the lessons learned and take comfort in the fact that these lessons make us wiser.

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    2. Take comfort in the fact that regrets help us develop empathy for others.

    How would we ever develop real empathy if we never made a mistake or a wrong turn? It is regrets that keep us in check from being judgmental and arrogant. Thus, we become better people who, in turn, have more compassion and empathy for others. Empathy is considered to be one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence.

    3. The more wrong turns you made in retrospect, you increase the odds that your future choices will be more informed.

    With so many lessons from mistakes or regrets, you will be in better shape moving forward. It can actually make it easier for us to be happier by living in today instead of yesterday.

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    4. Ask yourself – Did I do the best I could at the time?  Undoubtedly, the answer will be “yes!” 

    In my 35 years as a psychotherapist, I have never heard otherwise.  I have never met anyone who tried to be toxic or dysfunctional. People generally try their best, even if their best is not objectively healthy. Unhealthy people make unhealthy decisions and behave in an unhealthy way. People do not intentionally make self- defeating decisions. So consider it a noble effort to try your best, even if your best felt short and was misguided.

    5. Moving from regrets is a ripe opportunity to work on the ability to forgive.  

    A lack of forgiveness for oneself or others is one of the most common reasons for depression, anxiety and interpersonal conflict. Thankfully, regrets give you the opportunity  self-correct, and to develop the ability to forgive – it brings them right to the surface to work on. Strive to be thankful for this golden opportunity to release yourself of bitterness and negativity for good!

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    6. Use the broken pieces of unrealized dreams and disappointments as stepping stones towards a better future. 

    If you see shattered pieces of your life’s dreams as stepping stones or as parts of a beautiful life mosaic, you can appreciate those broken remnants. All your disappointments, no matter  how small or how large,  can be part of something so beautiful that it can be hard to imagine and can pave the way for building a better tomorrow!

    Conclusion

    You cannot change what happened to you, but you can change what you do with what happened to you.

    So what are you waiting for? Give yourself a second chance. You deserve it!

    What can you do to give yourself a second chance today? Let me know in the comments below.

    (Photo credit: Second Chance Avenue via Shutterstock)

    More by this author

    Judy Belmont

    Mental health author, motivational speaker and psychotherapist

    11 WARNING Signs Of Unhealthy Relationships You Need to Be Aware Of The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People Robin Williams’ Death Is A Wake-Up Call: 12 Natural Ways To Fight Depression Quick Test: What Is Your Forgiveness IQ? 7 Essential Ways That Inspirational Quotes Can Literally Change Your Day … and Your Life!

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    Last Updated on October 18, 2018

    10 Benefits of Sleeping Naked You Probably Didn’t Know

    10 Benefits of Sleeping Naked You Probably Didn’t Know

    Sleeping is one of the most important things we do every night.

    Getting the right amount of sleep has an untold number of health benefits and not getting enough sleep is a serious problem in many countries around the world.

    So you should have heard of the many benefits of getting adequate sleep, but did you know that you can get additional benefits by sleeping naked?

    Here are some benefits of sleeping in the nude:

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    Video Summary

    1. It is easier.

    When you don’t have to worry about sleeping in clothes, things start to get easier. You don’t have to buy pajamas, which can save you money. You have less clothes to wash and less clothes to put away. You may have to clean your bed sheets more often, but not nearly as often as you’d have to wash your pajamas when you run out.

    2. It forces you to be ready to go more often.

    Some people get off of work, change into their pajamas, and use this as an excuse to stay home the rest of the evening. This can lead to a more sedentary lifestyle, which has been attributed to things like weight gain.[1] When you keep your regular clothes on, you tend to go out more often and that’s a good thing.

    3. It can make you feel happier and more free.

    Just imagine the feeling of laying in bed naked. You’re free of your pants and underwear. Women, you’re not wearing a constrictive bra. It’s just you sandwiched between two cool sheets. The feeling just makes you want to smile and it makes you feel more free. Everyone can use that kind of good feeling every now and then, and it may even help you be happier as a person.

    4. Skin-on-skin contact is the best.

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      If you’re married, or living with your significant other, sleeping naked gives a greater chance of skin-on-skin contact, especially when it comes to cuddling. This kind of contact can also lead to a more active sex life. All of this releases copious amounts of oxytocin, which is the neurotransmitter that helps you feel those good feelings about your significant other.[2]

      5. It could lead to better sleep.

      Let’s revisit the scenario I described above. There are no drawstrings or clothes getting tangled in sheets. You don’t have to worry about shirts getting twisted. All of these distractions go away when you sleep naked and it may help you get better, deeper sleep. You don’t need science to tell you that better, deeper sleep only helps you be healthier.

      6. It can help your skin.

      For once your body gets to breathe. Your private parts, armpits, and feet are generally restricted all day and are often covered by multiple layers, even in the summer time. Give those parts a chance to air out and breathe. This can lower the risk of skin diseases, like athlete’s foot, that result from wet, restricted skin.[3]

      7. It helps you regulate your cortisol.

      Cortisol is a very strange chemical in the body but it can do a lot of damage. When you sleep naked, it helps keep your body temperature at the optimal ranges so your body can better create cortisol. If you sleep overheated your cortisol levels tend to stay high, even after you wake up. This can lead to increased anxiety, cravings for bad food, weight gain, and more terrible things.[4] Sleep naked so you can keep your body temperature down and sleep well so your body can properly produce and regulate cortisol.

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      8. It balances your melatonin and growth hormone.

      Continuing along that same vein, keeping your sleeping environment below 70 degrees (F) every night can help your body regulate its melatonin and growth hormone levels. These chemicals help the body do things like prevent aging and are essential to good health. When you sleep in clothes, your body heats up and prevents effective use of these hormones. In other words, sleeping with clothes on makes you grow old faster.

      9. It can keep your sex organs happier.

      For men, the cooler sleeping conditions allows your testes to remain at a cooler temperature. This helps keep your sperm healthy and your reproductive systems functioning as normal. For women, the cooler and more airy sleeping conditions can actually help prevent yeast infections. Yeast grows better in warm, moist conditions.[5] When it’s cooler and dryer, the growth of yeast is prevented.

      10. Sleeping in the summer is more bearable.

        Summertime is a tricky time to get good sleep. If you don’t have air conditioning, then you may find your bedroom a bit stuffy at night.

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        Shedding those bedtime clothes can help the bedroom feel more comfortable. You may even be able to turn the A/C off on those cooler nights, which can save you a few bucks on your electricity bill.

        Don’t wake up drenched in sweat again because your thermostat is downstairs and the hot air expands up to your bedroom where the thermostat can’t read the warm temperatures.

        Sleep well with your naked body!

        With these tips in mind, it’s time to start taking off your clothes at night!

        Of course, there are times where clothes are preferable. If you are ill or it’s cold outside, then you should sleep with clothes on to help you stay warm and prevent further illness. Otherwise, go commando!

        If you’re looking for more tips to sleep well and get up feeling energetic, I recommend you to check out this guide:

        Want to Feel More Energized Throughout the Day? Start With This

        Reference

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