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10 Things Your Middle School Kid Desperately Wants You To Know

10 Things Your Middle School Kid Desperately Wants You To Know

Maybe your middle school kid is not actually aware of it, but their hormones are taking control of their bodies and minds. That is why they are so desperately unpredictable, difficult, defiant, flaunting, sulky and at times clingy. But have you, as a parent, ever wondered what is really going on inside the middle schooler’s mind and what makes them tick? Here are 10 things they really want to tell you. Are you listening?

1. I am reckless for a reason

Why does your teen ignore your warnings about scary skateboarding dares, smoking, sex, drugs and drinking? What is really happening here is that the teen’s part of the brain which controls rational decisions, the prefrontal cortex, is not yet fully developed. The thrill seeking part of the brain, the amygdala, is still in control. That means risk- taking and reckless behavior is still enormously attractive for the teen

While parents will want to make sure that their children are aware of certain limits and mortal dangers, that is no reason not to let them try out new things and take certain risks. Yes, this will probably get messy but the alternative is wrapping up your kid in cotton wool.

2. I want you to show me love

“Having kids – the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings – is the biggest job anyone can embark on.”- Maria Shriver

Parents are so often obsessed with the end goals of raising great kids, that they forget about showing them affection and love often enough. This is the view of Richard Weissbourd, a Harvard psychologist. Teens are often deprived of love and affection and feel that their bad behavior is getting far too much attention.

3. I need encouragement, but you do not mention my strengths often enough

Often, parents can ruin a kid’s self confidence by a careless, throw away remark. Having low esteem is a major problem among teens. They can feel incompetent, inadequate, ugly or unlovable. Some estimates say that about 70% of teenage girls tend to avoid daily activities (even going to school) when they are not confident about their body shape and how they look. Up to 38% of boys may start taking steroids because they are dissatisfied with their body shape.

Parents can really help by making sure that they always mention their teen’s strong points. They should also resist the temptation of mentioning a friend who happens to be perfect and that they should copy them. This can be soul destroying and may seem that you are setting unreasonable standards.

4. I need to talk to you about a few things, but will you listen?

Did you know that 48% of children and teens have experienced some form of bullying? It seems to reach its peak around the 6th and 7th grades. The most important thing is to be able to look out for some signs of bullying, such as not wanting to go to school, loss of appetite, or an unwillingness to take part in favorite activities. Bullying may not be the only issue that is causing this withdrawal.

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Teens, in spite of all their eye rolling, banging doors and sulkiness, need a shoulder to cry on or just some advice and support. One good way to encourage this is to ask and listen about what is going on at school. Try to empathize with them so that when things go badly, you are more likely to be in the loop. Also, resolve not to interrupt or offer advice straight away. Teenagers usually assume that a lack of interest on your part is synonymous with neglect.

5. I do not need to be nagged to do things all the time

You know the usual things, showering, getting up in time, tidying up, doing homework and being home by a certain time. But are you nagging your middle schooler too frequently about these? If you are, then you might be making matters much worse. Do you nag when they are watching their favorite TV show? Do you do it when you are in a bad mood or irritated? If so, you need to step back and try not to overwhelm them with these constant reminders. The teen knows he or she needs reminding but enough is enough!

6. I need my down time

There will be times when your kid just wants to chill out and play a video game in his or her own room and not be interrupted. They need this breathing space just like parents do. Many parents are just too overbearing and do not realize this.

7. I am under a lot of pressure

There are so many pressures coming at middle schoolers from all directions. There are pressures to study and compete for the best grades in the classroom and on the sports field. Then there is peer pressure to fit in with their social network, conform to certain patterns of behavior and to even look the same as everyone else! This peer pressure is not always so negative because teens can be socially stimulated or persuaded to try new activities and study harder.

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The best way that parents can help teens deal with negative or doubtful peer pressure is to make sure that their values are sound and sensible. Parents should talk to them about how to make wise decisions based on these values. It is a great way of finding out what is really going on, if your teen decides to confide in you, of course! Most teens will open up only when they are sure that they will not be criticized or reprimanded.

8. I am not getting your full attention as you are always on your smartphone

According to Dr. Jenny Radesky, a paediatrician at the Boston Medical Center, parents are not giving their kids their full attention during prime time. The reason is that they are spending too much time on their smartphones. This was observed by her and her team when studying family groups eating out at fast food joints in Boston.

This study was about young kids, but the lesson applies just as much to teens as they often feel that they are not getting full or any attention from their parents when they want to confide in them or talk to them. One great way to ensure your full attention is  to ban all mobile devices  during mealtimes. You should also ensure that when your teen wants to talk, you are not answering an email or surfing the Internet. Just turn away from the computer to give your teen your full attention.

9. I need lots of food, but I often find the fridge is empty

Teens are growing at a fast rate. They need lots of food and one great way is to encourage them to go for healthy food options rather than junk food. They are also under enormous pressure to conform to the media’s brain washing about the ideal body shape, not to mention the peer pressure about this.

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One great way to put this into practice is to ensure that there is enough healthy food available. If your teen finds the fridge empty, there is no other option but to go out and get some fast food. Why not talk about food as often as you can and also post this cheat sheet on your fridge so that all of the family is up to speed on this?

10. I cannot tell you everything

Teens need their privacy to bond with friends. They do not want to share with you what they are talking about on Instagram or Twitter. They have their own private jokes and they do not want to be asked about them. Certain limits of privacy need to be respected.

Now that you know what is going on in the teen’s mind and body and the issues that are assailing them every day, you may be able to help them more by empathizing and showing your love and affection.

Featured photo credit: Beautiful Earth (Bella Gaia) program for Middle school students from Annapolis Middle, Goddard French Immersion School / NASA Goddard Space Flight Center via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

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Last Updated on October 15, 2018

Why Am I So Tired? 10 Reasons You’re Extremely Tired And How to Fix It

Why Am I So Tired? 10 Reasons You’re Extremely Tired And How to Fix It

“Why am I so tired?” is a question that people ask themselves pretty frequently. Everyone gets tired at one point or another, particularly after something like an illness, a long night up with a sick child, or a busy week at work. When tiredness is persistent, however — when you feel tired as soon as you wake up in morning or when sleep doesn’t seem to help, no matter how much rest you get— it may often indicate a deeper, underlying problem.

While there are a lot of possible reasons for tiredness, here’re some of the most common causes of fatigue:

1. Dehydration

If you want to boost your energy levels, first check whether you are dehydrated. The human brain is 85% water, and needs to maintain this level in order to perform its essential functions.

If you fail to drink enough water, the brain extracts fluids from your blood to compensate for the deficit. As a result, the oxygen levels in your blood drop, reducing the amount of energising oxygen available to your organs and tissues. Fatigue and sleepiness set in rapidly, leaving you more vulnerable to the 2 pm post-lunch crash that many of us experience.

You cannot cure this crash with caffeine – the only long-term, effective solution is to drink hydrating fluids throughout the day.

2. Lack Of Exercise

A workout will surely leave you feeling even more tired, right? Wrong! As counterintuitive as it may sound, physical activities have an energizing effect. Moving your body releases endorphins, increases your heart rate, and boosts your concentration.

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Try to fit in at least 30 minutes of medium-intensity exercise every day. It’s easiest if you can make this part of our everyday routine, either as soon as you wake up or right after work.

3. A Poor Diet

The food you eat has a direct impact on sleep quality and the amount of rest you get every night. For maximum energy, stick to protein, slow-release carbohydrates, and a moderate amount of healthy (unsaturated) fats. The majority of your food should be plant-based, high in fiber, and low in sugar. These choices will prevent blood sugar fluctuations, which can leave you feeling exhausted.

An easy way to make sure you stick to a good diet is through meal preparation. It’s easy to just get take-out when you’re tired after work, but if you have a meal ready for you in the fridge, you’ll be less tempted by pizza or cheese.

Find out more about healthy meal prep here: 10 Meal Planning Apps You Need To Have To Get Healthier Easily

4. Skipping Breakfast

Physician Dr. Nerina Ramlakhan advises that eating breakfast is key to maintaining a good level of energy throughout the day. When you eat breakfast, you are sending calming signals to the areas of the brain responsible for avoiding danger, along with those that instruct the body to conserve as much energy as possible.

Ingesting food signals to your brain that there is enough food available to ensure our survival. This encourages it to stay relaxed, which in turn, promotes restful sleep.

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Some great ideas for a healthy, filling, and make-ahead breakfasts include overnight oats, smoothies, and freezer-friendly breakfast burritos.

Or if meal-prepping isn’t your think, stock up on easy but healthy breakfast foods like multigrain cereal, yogurt, and fruit: 20 Healthy Breakfast Choices That Will Save You Time

5. Poor Quality Of Sleep

We all know that it’s important to wind down a couple of hours before bed. But did you know that it’s what you do throughout the day that promotes good-quality sleep? It’s not just about the number of hours you sleep, but how restful and deep that sleep is.

TO feel rested, try to regulate your everyday routine to make your sleep deeper and better. Get up at a regular time in the morning to ensure that you get regular sunlight.

Eat nutritious foods in moderate amounts, and make sure you stay hydrated. Go to bed at the same time. And before bedtime, avoid screens that can give off harmful blue light and also keep you stimulated when you need to prepare for a restful night.

Read more about how to develop a routine that will get you better sleep: Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning

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6. Sleep Apnea (A Person’s Airways Get Blocked off While They Are Asleep)

Sleep apnea is a common sleep disorder where a person’s airways get blocked off while they are asleep, causing their oxygen levels to drop while they are asleep. This often causes people to stop breathing at night and then to jerk themselves awake (this can happen over 30 times an hour).

Because of this, people with sleep apnea can feel short of breath and have low energy levels. Mouthpieces and other devices to aid in breathing as well as the use of a special breathing machine to keep oxygen levels in a safe zone.

If you feel tired all the time and think you might have sleep apnea, consulting with a doctor is important. Do a sleep study, as this can often reveal if there is an underlying problem causing your tiredness — and once a diagnosis is made, treatment to help you get your energy back begins.

7. Depression

Depression is the most common mental health disorder in the United States (and in many other countries of the world as well). It is marked by persistent feelings of sadness or unhappiness but has physical symptoms, too. Apart from fatigue, people may also experience changes in sleeping and eating habits and difficulty concentrating.

Treatment can often center on anti-depressants, counselling and lifestyle changes like stress management to help manage this condition. You can take a look at these 15 Ways To Overcome Depression And Sadness.

Many people also benefit from activities like yoga and meditation, which help regulate both the body and mind.

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8. Hypothyroidism

If a person has hypothyroidism, their thyroid gland does not produce adequate levels of these important hormones— and the result can be a persistent and unrelenting fatigue, even if someone is getting enough sleep. Other common symptoms of this disorder include mood swings, weight gain and feeling cold all the time.

Fortunately, simple blood work can reveal if there is a problem and it can be treated with artificial thyroid hormone pills like Synthroid. Check here for signs of having a thyroid problem. If you suspect that you might have hypothyroidism, talk to your doctor.

9. Anemia

People with anemia are not able to make enough red blood cells to transport oxygen throughout the their bodies. This is often due to a lack of nutrients like iron or B-12 and can be caused by problems such as heavy periods, bleeding in the digestive tract or pregnancy (due to the increased demands of the growing baby).

However, in most cases, this can be resolved with treatments like changes in diet, iron supplements or B-12 shots.

While here are some drinks you can try to relieve symptoms of Anemia, it’s best to do a blood test and consult your doctor in case of any hidden medical conditions.

10. Cancer

While you shouldn’t be freaking out about cancer just because you are tired, it is a fact that fatigue is one of the symptoms of cancer. Other common symptoms can include unexplained weight loss and the presence of palpable lumps or growths. This disease is marked by the abnormal and uncontrolled growth of cells that can do damage to surround tissues and possibly spread to other parts of the body.

Diagnosis is usually by biopsy and treatment often focusses on radiation, chemotherapy or surgery— and generally when a diagnosis is made early, the outcomes for the patient are better.

Featured photo credit: Lily Banse via unsplash.com

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