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10 Things You Need To Do To Be A Gentleman

10 Things You Need To Do To Be A Gentleman

In our world, the word ‘gentleman’ can mean many things. It can mean a generic man, or a solid, dependable guy, or it can be a cloying word for the halcyon men of 1950s advertisements.

Let’s face it, in the 21st century, gentlemen are becoming harder and harder to find. Or perhaps the definition of what makes a gentleman a gentleman is changing and evolving with the times, rather than remaining rooted in older principles and traditions.

So what makes a gentleman? And how easy is it to actually become one? Well, we’ve racked our brains and come up with 10 essential things you need to do on a regular basis that will make you a gentleman and will actually have a positive effect on your life.

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1. Always have good hygiene.

This one is a basic requirement, so come on, guys, be clean! Taking a shower or a bath every day isn’t really optional. You should take one every day, even if it’s just a perfunctory five minutes. Keeping clean not only makes you smell infinitely nicer, it also makes going about your day-to-day life much more pleasant for those around you. Keep some deodorant or body spray in your bag or on your person at all times so that you don’t start to smell throughout whatever the day may bring. Having good hygiene also helps maintain self-esteem and boosts your mood—some things you need to be a gentleman.

2. Always be on time.

Being late is never attractive—fashion and parties be damned!—as it shows a lack of respect for someone else’s time and life that you waltzed in 15 minutes late without a care. Becoming a gentleman means having a focus on other people and so arriving at least 10 to 15 minutes early is advisable. Bring a newspaper or a book if you get bored easily, but chances are that the person you’re meeting will be pleased that punctuality is one of your top traits. If your route to work is often hindered by traffic that makes you late, head out earlier or find a new route.

3. Always have good manners.

This one is not optional either: being a gentleman means being polite and well-mannered all the time, no matter what the circumstances. The way to think here is to lead by example. Imagine yourself as an outsider. What would you look for in a gentleman? Impeccable manners and behavior are always near the top of the list, so make sure that you always use your pleases and thank yous, even if no one else bothers. Why? Because it’ll make you look much more of a polite, decent human being, and over time will actually change the way you behave around other people for the better. It’s nice to be nice.

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4. Always know your clothes.

One of the hallmarks of a true gentleman is that he dresses according to his own style and owns it. If you have a suit—and you should own at least one—make sure it fits well, but not tightly. Everyone’s body shape is unique, so going to a tailor for alterations is worth more than the money it costs, as the right tailoring will fit your suit to your body and not the other way around. Many gentleman often plump for toned down or strong color palettes and investing in some clean shirts, pants and jackets in solid, subdued colors (navy, maroon, black, grey, white, etc.) will give you great choices to build your wardrobe on before you go exploring new styles to find your own.

5. Always keep the swearing to a minimum.

Swearing isn’t cool and isn’t going to make you a gentleman. Well, okay, we’ll admit that in some circumstances, a well-timed curse word is both effective at summarizing the situation at hand and being a cathartic blast. However, cutting down on the everyday swearing will have a positive effect on yourself and those around you and is certainly something you need to do to be a gentleman. Showing consideration for the people around you by not dropping the f-bomb every 30 seconds when you’re angry is not only a sign of maturity, but one of innate calmness and confidence in yourself, something that is the hallmark of a gentleman.

6. Always be controlled.

You cannot control everything, the world does not dance to the beat of your drum, but what you can control is how you react to situations and the choices you make. Getting angry and verbally abusive? Not the work of a gentleman. A gentleman tries to keep cool and calm and removes himself from the situation quietly if he fears he is getting too angry. On a night out, a gentleman never drinks more than he can handle because getting wasted might ensure all his good attributes go out the window and he winds up back at square one. A gentleman might not be teetotal, but restraint and control is required over all vices to make sure they don’t become excessive.

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7. Always be kind.

Kindness is one of those lesser-recognized attributes in the modern day world, but being a kind and courteous guy will always ensure you’re seen as a gentleman. However, don’t let this be one of those performances you put on in public—let kindness into your inner life and reap the benefits for your mindset and thinking. Always go the extra mile to help out a friend or a neighbor. Call your loved ones often—send gifts if you can; just generally be an upstanding guy who cares as much about the new couple in the apartment block as he does an old friend. Letting yourself become kind has nothing but good benefits and will ensure your standing as a gentleman.

8. Always be considerate.

Being considerate means being aware of your surroundings and the way you affect the people around you. A true gentleman always takes other peoples’ opinions and feelings into consideration before doing anything. For example, a gentleman takes his less-than-fragrant lunch outside of the office to eat so that co-workers won’t have to smell it should they be offended. A gentleman offers his seat on the bus to anyone who looks as if they may need one. A gentleman never makes jokes that people will be offended or hurt by, even if they’re not around to hear them, leading by example. Being considerate is one of the fundamental tenets of how to be a gentleman, and one every man should take on board immediately if he hasn’t already.

9. Always respect everyone.

Respecting everyone is something a gentleman always does, no matter the circumstances; and looking down your nose at someone who appears to be further down the food chain than yourself is possibly the most disrespectful, ungentlemanly thing you could do. Absolutely everyone is worthy of your respect, so treat them accordingly and warmly, no matter your personal opinion of them. This also goes for respecting yourself: do not tear yourself down every time you make a mistake and think that you have made a colossal error. You are human, and the best thing we can do is accept our mistakes and learn from them to do better in the future.

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10. Always be the best version of yourself.

Being the best person that you can be is the way of the gentleman. A man cannot be perfect, but striving towards the basic core of humanity and decency is what makes a gentleman, once you dig beneath the suits and the smiles. A true gentleman knows his limits and keeps trying to stretch them, going further to both improve himself and to aid other people in whatever way he can.

Find your best qualities and work on them. Find your worst qualities and work on trying to improve them. The real secret of how to be a gentleman lies in being yourself—but the best version of yourself that you can work towards and improve on so you can be the best ‘you’ you can be.

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Chris Haigh

Writer, baker, co-host of "Good Evening Podcast" and "North By Nerdwest".

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Last Updated on August 13, 2020

12 Benefits of Meditation That Improve Your Body And Mind

12 Benefits of Meditation That Improve Your Body And Mind

As a mediation teacher, I am constantly confronted with these two questions regarding the benefits of meditation:

1. Why can’t I enjoy the benefits of meditation continuously?

I ask back: Is it maybe because you see mediation as a technique, performance, or some exclusive activity? The answer is: yes!

Or, because your mind is constantly evolving on the past negative attachments and traditional habits? After careful thinking they answer: yes, probably!

Although meditation is very simple and challenging at the same time, in the above mentioned case, it’s not easy to benefit from meditation, especially when approached with the idea that it has to be learned, studied, or applied. Meditation is to be seen as a natural, mental cleansing process that happens on a basis of awareness on a moment-to-moment experience. When that takes place, the benefits of meditation are continuous.

2. What is the purpose of meditation?

The purpose of meditation is to accomplish a level of consciousness for mastering the mind and uniting with the finest, deepest, and subtlest part of yourself as a being.

It is a conscious process of observation of the mind—helping the meditator to understand the structure of its mind and the quality of its content. During this process, countless benefits of a physical, mental, and spiritual/philosophical nature arise for the meditator.

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Meditation as a Fixer and Benefactor

In this article we’ll have a look at the primary and the ultimate benefits of mediation, which improve your body and mind at the same time. For the sake of clarity, readability, and tangible experience, I have separated the benefits into three groups.

You can change just about anything you don’t like about yourself (psychologically, as well as physically) through meditation. However, this is only possible with a specific approach, when your brain allows the benefits of meditation to do their work.

This means not to interrupt the benefit with other thoughts, but to let their effect implement itself in your body and mind. This approach is crucial.

The following exercises will make you feel the benefits of meditation instantly, but the continuity of the benefits of meditation on your body and mind depend on the discipline of your brain, how you manage external stimuli and your thoughts.

Less Physical, More Psychological

Even though the practice of meditation is more psychological and less physical, the first benefit we’re going to experience is both physical as well as mental.

This benefit happens literally immediately, right at the moment of meditation. It is the essence of mediation basically.

The First Benefit of Meditation

The first benefit of meditation is twofold:

  1. Improving inward attention (sharpening the mind)
  2. Relaxation of the body

Let’s do it right now. This benefit consists of only one step, and it is very simple to perform. It goes like this:

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Sit still and pay attention to your exhalation.

That’s it! Technically, the whole journey into the world of mediation begins here and nowhere else. And right here, you benefit from this step in the following way:

When you pay attention to the flow of your exhalation (gentle, deep, effortless exhalation), your body begins with the process of relaxation instantly (your heart rate slows down, your nervous system calms, and tension in your muscles is relieved).

When the nervous system calms, your mind calms down, and, more specifically, less thoughts are produced by your mind. How, exactly? By applying one of the most valuable mental skills—attention—the mind follows the breathing and has no space and time to generate any other thoughts. Only when the attention goes off the breath, other thoughts are constructed, and the mind is accelerating with thought production again.

Keeping the First Benefit Effective and Ongoing

Here you apply the approach of not letting the relaxation and attention process get interrupted; rather let the effects of these benefits implant in your body and mind as deeply as possible.

This is to say, the instant relaxation and inward attention happen at the same time when you follow the flow of your breath. Repeating this process—creating a constant rhythm out of the breathing and the attention—you create a process of meditation.

Keep your attention on the flow of your breath and see how the calmness of body and mind begin to rule your present moment. The longer you stay connected to your breathing, the stronger you’ll feel the benefit. Start with 3-5 minutes at a time without doing anything else, and increase to 10-20 minutes and onwards.

Can you think of a better, simpler and quicker exercise that can relax the body and improve attention in this way, at this speed?

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This benefit takes you to the second one.

The Second Benefit of Meditation

While still working with the first benefit of mediation, you slowly start to see the second benefit of mediation, which is fourfold. I call it the major value of mediation:

  1. Energy (physical and mental strength)
  2. Observance
  3. Peacefulness (stillness, and space of mind for deeper observation)
  4. Patience

Peacefulness is the source of a blissful life. The energy is the fuel to express that blissfulness. Whatever we want to accomplish in life we need: 1) Physical and mental strength, 2) Observance of that energy, 3) Peacefulness—the calmness and stillness that creates space for freedom of being and creative thinking, and 4) Patience for the process of accomplishment.

You can only get creative in thinking and boosted with physical and mental energy when you get in touch with the deepest levels of yourself—when you harmonize your mental and physiological activities. How do you do that? Let’s try it right now:

This step involves the observation of the two separate movements of your breath. After paying attention on your exhalation, you have prepared your body and mind to really see and feel what true peacefulness and true energy means.

1. Energy

Keep your attention on your inhalation (inhaling gently, deeply and lightly) and feel the new energy (new oxygen) flowing in your body. The inhalation is the symbol for aliveness and vitality. It is the the primary act that connects the baby’s body with the outside world after coming out of the womb[1]. Each inhalation is a new opportunity for your body to revive, regenerate, and renew itself.

2. Observance

The observance comes during the process of meditation, enabling you to see the physiological benefits of introducing new energy to your body. Use that benefit by utilizing its effects, and create deeper observation into yourself. With every single inhalation, this observation will enable you to generate even more energy, mentally and physically.

3. Peacefulness

Keep your attention on your exhalation, and feel how, out of the relaxation, peacefulness is spreading throughout your whole body. The exhalation is the symbol for relaxation and peacefulness. Only through meditation can you realize what absolute peacefulness means.

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4. Patience

The meditation delivers the previous benefits to you immediately and opens up the possibility for many other benefits and great virtues. A specific one to mention, which is essential for reaching the ultimate benefits of meditation, is patience. If you have experienced the aforementioned benefits, it means that you have invested a certain amount of patience into mastering yourself and your mind.

The Ultimate Benefits of Meditation

Patience is a key quality when it comes to the ultimate benefits of meditation.

Since the mind is the tool that reveals everything, mediation is the method for the proper utility of the tool.

The above mentioned benefits of mediation lead to the ultimate benefits of mediation—qualities that depict what makes a human being human. As you dwell in a meditative state of being, the following benefits begin to emanate:

  • Diligence: the persistence for righteous effort to reach an intrinsic value; inner strength.
  • Temperance: to express self-control and show excellence in managing the physio-biological and mental necessities
  • Courage: using righteous effort and braveness to look into the weaknesses of yourself and at the hardship of your life, endure it and patiently overcome the obstacles
  • Loving kindness and Compassion – a capacity to care, understand, and tolerate other people’s state of being, wishing them freedom from suffering.
  • Wisdom: the moment when you feel that mediation gives you the feeling and the knowledge that what you do relating to life and practical affairs is just.
  • Equanimity: that puts you in a state of composure, and you experience an ongoing blissful state of being.

These are the 6 ultimate benefits of meditation that put your body and mind in a state of health and balance.

Final Thoughts

Mediation exists to put order in your mind and awaken the best of you, to reconnect you to your goodness and your inborn intelligent capabilities.

Meditation is the window to your true Self. It gives you a panoramic view of your heart’s greatness. It shows you the true meaning of love, freeing you from the dungeons of ignorance and despair. The power of meditation dismantles the evil that’s trying to cloud the beauty of your heart.

Your heart, body, and soul are the bridge over which the challenges of life frequently carry their heavy load. Meditation is the support of that bridge. Make use of that support.

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Featured photo credit: Mor Shani via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Medline Plus: Changes in the newborn at birth

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