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If You Want To Change The World, Do What The Navy Seals Do Each Day

If You Want To Change The World, Do What The Navy Seals Do Each Day

Do you think you can change the world? One person can make an impact on how the rest of the world lives. What if that person is you?

The list of world-changers is endless. From Marie Curie to J.K. Rowling, and our favorite life-changer of all, the great Steve Jobs.

It’s hard to believe it’s only been since 1989 when Tim Berners-Lee kick-started the World Wide Web. It was 1977 when Paul Lauterbur and Peter Mansfield’s (MRI) Magnetic Resonance Imaging invention enabled surgeons to see inside the body’s soft organs without invasive surgery or X-rays.

Filmmaker George Lucas founded Industrial Light and Magic in 1975 to bring his vision of Star Wars to life. ILM went on to revolutionize special effects in the movies, changing the economics of the movie industry. And just imagine how different life would be without the invention of the birth control pill by Gregory Pincus, M.C. Chang, and John Rock, which the FDA approved in 1960.

These are the contemporary world-changers, but think of all those who came before them. How do you think they were able to achieve such remarkable results?

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According to Admiral William McRaven, a Navy SEAL for thirty-six years, these world-changers have the same skills that he learned in SEAL training.

SEAL training is six tortuous months of long runs in soft sand, midnight swims in cold water, obstacle courses, never-ending calisthenics, days without sleep and always feeling cold, wet, and miserable.

The purpose of this training is to seek out those who can become leaders in an environment of constant stress chaos, failure, and hardships.

This is what it takes:

1. Make your bed.

Every morning at bed inspection, instructors check to see if the covers are tight, the pillow centered right under the headboard and the extra blanket folded neatly at the foot of the bed.

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As ridiculous as it seems, this simple mundane task gives you a sense of pride and encourages you to do another task, and many more. Making your bed proves that little things matter.

If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right. Success requires discipline, no matter how small the task may seem. Start every day with a small act of self-discipline.

2. Find someone to help you paddle.

Every day the boat crew is instructed to paddle several miles down the coast. No matter how high the seas (10 feet!), every paddle must be synchronized perfectly with the count of the guide. Following the guide, every member must exert equal effort or the boat will be tossed back on the beach.

Everyone must paddle. If you want to get from the starting point to the destination, you need a strong, in sync, support system and a guide to lead the way. No one achieves success alone. Find a mentor, support system, and create a team that moves you towards your destination.

3. Measure a person by the size of their heart, not the size of their flippers.

Boat crews are determined by the size of the men in them. One crew was named the “munchkin crew,” all under 5-foot-five. They ran faster, paddler harder, and out swam all the other boat crews, always reaching the shore before the big guys. Size doesn’t matter, only your will to succeed. If you want to change the world, don’t judge people.

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4. Get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward.

Uniform inspection is exceptionally thorough. Every piece of cloth has to be perfectly pressed, polished, and starched. The instructors always finds something wrong. When they do, the student has to run into the surf with his clothes on, and then roll in the sand until every part of his body is covered in sand. He becomes a “sugar cookie.”

The lesson learned is that no matter how well you perform or prepare, you would always end up as a sugar cookie. That’s just the way life is sometimes. Acknowledge and accept that even when you put your best effort forward, unfortunate circumstances might arise. When you get knocked down, get up, brush off, and keep on moving in the direction of your goal.

5. Don’t be afraid of the circus.

Every day there are long runs, long swims, obstacle courses, and hours of calisthenics. Each event has a time limit. Failing means an invitation to “the circus”- two extra hours of calisthenics. The sole purpose: to wear you down, break your spirit, and force you to quit.

Life is filled with circuses. You will fall, fail, and it will be painful and discouraging, testing you to the very core of your being. Expect failure; don’t fear it.

6. Sometimes you have to slide down the obstacle course headfirst.

The most challenging obstacle is the slide for life- a three level 30-foot tower with a long 200-foot rope in between. The goal is to climb the tower, grab the rope, swing underneath it hand over hand until you reach the other side. The record time remained the same since 1977. Until one day, a student slid down headfirst. It was dangerous, but he plunged forward and beat the record by half the time. If you want to change the world; you have to go against the grain. Fall out of the herd. Be the first one who is brave enough to do something different.

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7. Don’t back down from the sharks.

Before the night swim, after a brief training session on all species of sharks, SEALs are taught about how to deal with sharks in the open ocean. They are taught that if a shark encircles you, you must stand your ground. Do not swim away and do not act afraid. And if by chance the shark is darting towards you hungry for a midnight snack, punch him in the snout. If you want to compete the swim, you must learn how to deal with the sharks. The dark waters in the river of success are filled with sharks. There are the people vying for your position or product. Business ventures can get nasty. Stand your ground. Do’t run away and do not afraid, even when you are.

8. Be your very best in your darkest moment.

Training to conduct underwater attacks against enemy ships, Navy SEALs swim underwater for over two miles with only a depth gauge and a compass to reach their target. As they approach the ship, they go under the keel where the engine is deafening and it’s pitch black. Every SEAL knows that in the darkest moment, you must remain calm, composed, using your tactical skills, physical power, and all of your inner strength to carry out the mission. There are many dark moments in life. You may not be able to see where you’re going or how to get there. The only thing you have to depend on is yourself: your skills, power, and inner strength. Stay calm in the darkness.

9. Start singing when you’re up to your neck in mud.

The ninth week is “Hell Week.” Six days without sleep, under constant physical and mental harassment and one day in the Mud Flats. Imagine fifteen hours in the freezing cold, mud, howling wind, and instructors pressuring you to quit. Admiral McRaven relates a story about that week. He said that, like a scene from the Titanic, after eight hours of chattering teeth and shivering moans, with only heads visible in the mud, one voice started singing. Before long, one voice became two until everyone was singing. Just one person’s voice, enthusiastically singing was enough to spread hope and maintain the entire team until morning. One person can change the world by giving others hope.

10. Don’t ever ring the bell.

A SEAL candidate can quit at any time. All he has to do is ring the bell in the center of the compound. Simply ringing the bell frees you from waking up at 5:00 a.m., sharks, mud, and freezing waters. No one wants to ring the bell.

Changing the world, like Navy SEAL training, is not easy. You will be tested, discouraged, and pushed to your physical limits in the worst conditions imaginable.

If you think you’ve got what it takes to change the world, then know that life is not fair and you will fail often. Take risks. Find someone to help you through life. Respect everyone. Face the bullies. Stand up when times are the toughest. Stay calm in the darkest moments. Lift the downtrodden. Start the day with a task completed… and never, ever give up!

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Last Updated on July 15, 2020

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

1. Recognize the Red Flags

Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

Red flags can include:

  • They always put themselves first.
  • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
  • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
  • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
  • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
  • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
  • You are the villain; they are the victim.
  • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
  • They may engage in abuse.

2. Set Boundaries

There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

3. Invest in Yourself

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

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