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If You Can’t Stop Beating Yourself Up, Ask Yourself These 5 Questions

If You Can’t Stop Beating Yourself Up, Ask Yourself These 5 Questions

The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of your thoughts. If you would like to feel happy and positive, ask yourself these compelling questions that just may convince you to stop beating yourself up.

1. “Would I say something so hateful to a person I love?”

“A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.” — Elbert Hubbard

If you called your best friend an ugly loser who will never amount to anything, how do you think they would react? I bet they would get upset, and maybe even terminate your friendship for being so thoughtless. True friends are willing to offer feedback without mincing words if they feel it is necessary for your personal development, but they don’t do so in a condescending or hateful fashion. Treat yourself likewise, because lasting change cannot come from a place of self-hate.

2. “How would it make me feel if my boss or mentor called me a loser?”

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy.” — Henry Ford

If you make a mistake during your work-day, could you imagine your manager screaming at you for being so stupid? I doubt it, because most people in positions of authority understand the power of positive psychology. Great leaders deliver constructive criticism that empowers their followers to improve, without making them feel like they can’t do anything right. Treat yourself likewise, because it is much more productive to focus on finding solutions than it is to obsess with your shortcomings.

3. “When has stressing out about a mistake ever made me feel better about myself?”

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” — William James

If you spend all of your time stressing out about an unfortunate situation, do you really think you’re going to be able to motivate yourself to find a way out of it? I don’t like your odds, because negative thoughts don’t tend to translate into positive transformation. Positive people don’t subject themselves to a chorus of self-defeating thoughts, because they know they can do anything they set their mind to. Treat yourself likewise, because consistent effort and a refusal to quit is an unbeatable formula for massive success.

4. “Does it really make any sense to agonize over a decision that cannot be reversed?”

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” — Lucille Ball

If you consume yourself in depressing thoughts about past events that can’t be undone, do you really think you will ever find the courage to get over it? I know dealing with regret is easier said than done, but you have to develop mental strength today if you want to move forward into a brighter tomorrow. Mentally strong people don’t dwell on past mistakes, because they know the important thing is to make better decisions in the future. Treat yourself likewise, because you must manage your emotions if you want to be happy and successful.

5. “If I’m willing to forgive others for their flaws, why should I expect perfection of myself?”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you accept other people despite their flaws, don’t you think you should be more forgiving of yourself? I am fascinated by how much easier it is to forgive another person than it is to forgive ourselves. Highly confident people don’t judge other people, because there is more than enough darkness in the world; instead, they strive to be a source of light. Treat yourself likewise, because you won’t achieve much progress worth talking about until you learn how to accept yourself.

Please stop beating yourself up. Life is too short for anxiety and regret. Feel free to share this article with anyone who might find it helpful.

Featured photo credit: I Died So I Could Haunt You/Helga Weber via flickr.com

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Daniel Wallen

Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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