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If You Can’t Stop Beating Yourself Up, Ask Yourself These 5 Questions

If You Can’t Stop Beating Yourself Up, Ask Yourself These 5 Questions

The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of your thoughts. If you would like to feel happy and positive, ask yourself these compelling questions that just may convince you to stop beating yourself up.

1. “Would I say something so hateful to a person I love?”

“A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.” — Elbert Hubbard

If you called your best friend an ugly loser who will never amount to anything, how do you think they would react? I bet they would get upset, and maybe even terminate your friendship for being so thoughtless. True friends are willing to offer feedback without mincing words if they feel it is necessary for your personal development, but they don’t do so in a condescending or hateful fashion. Treat yourself likewise, because lasting change cannot come from a place of self-hate.

2. “How would it make me feel if my boss or mentor called me a loser?”

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy.” — Henry Ford

If you make a mistake during your work-day, could you imagine your manager screaming at you for being so stupid? I doubt it, because most people in positions of authority understand the power of positive psychology. Great leaders deliver constructive criticism that empowers their followers to improve, without making them feel like they can’t do anything right. Treat yourself likewise, because it is much more productive to focus on finding solutions than it is to obsess with your shortcomings.

3. “When has stressing out about a mistake ever made me feel better about myself?”

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” — William James

If you spend all of your time stressing out about an unfortunate situation, do you really think you’re going to be able to motivate yourself to find a way out of it? I don’t like your odds, because negative thoughts don’t tend to translate into positive transformation. Positive people don’t subject themselves to a chorus of self-defeating thoughts, because they know they can do anything they set their mind to. Treat yourself likewise, because consistent effort and a refusal to quit is an unbeatable formula for massive success.

4. “Does it really make any sense to agonize over a decision that cannot be reversed?”

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” — Lucille Ball

If you consume yourself in depressing thoughts about past events that can’t be undone, do you really think you will ever find the courage to get over it? I know dealing with regret is easier said than done, but you have to develop mental strength today if you want to move forward into a brighter tomorrow. Mentally strong people don’t dwell on past mistakes, because they know the important thing is to make better decisions in the future. Treat yourself likewise, because you must manage your emotions if you want to be happy and successful.

5. “If I’m willing to forgive others for their flaws, why should I expect perfection of myself?”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you accept other people despite their flaws, don’t you think you should be more forgiving of yourself? I am fascinated by how much easier it is to forgive another person than it is to forgive ourselves. Highly confident people don’t judge other people, because there is more than enough darkness in the world; instead, they strive to be a source of light. Treat yourself likewise, because you won’t achieve much progress worth talking about until you learn how to accept yourself.

Please stop beating yourself up. Life is too short for anxiety and regret. Feel free to share this article with anyone who might find it helpful.

Featured photo credit: I Died So I Could Haunt You/Helga Weber via flickr.com

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Daniel Wallen

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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