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Why You Should Love The People You Hate

Why You Should Love The People You Hate

“If you and I are having a single thought of violence or hatred againstanyone in the world at this moment, we are contributing to the wounding of the world…” —Deepak Chopra

Okay, so you might have a hard time believing that your hatred is harming people in Australia, but there is one sad truth you about it—your hatred is probably hurting you.

Do you find yourself hating people?

Maybe your stepsister ruined your birthday dinner; your best friend kissed your lover; and the guy you eat lunch with every day sneaked behind your back to get the promotion you were next in line for.

A few months go by, and you think you’re over it until BAM! There he is, standing in line behind you as you pay for your caramel macchiato. You want to run out the door and accidentally spill your hot coffee on him. You pretend you don’t see him, and then make a beeline for the closest exit.

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What’s next? You’re left with your gut-wrenching, heart-pounding self.

Someone did something sneaky, nasty or mean to you, and now you hate him for it. You’re absolutely right. What they did was wrong but hating is bad for you. It’s unhealthy and you can’t be happy until you trash it (your hatred, not the other person’s car).

People hurt you. It’s a fact of life. Whether intentional or unintentional, the pain remains. Usually that hurt turns into hate. Here are some reasons to stop hating and start loving.

1. When you hate someone else, you hate yourself

by allowing this demon to live inside you. How long do you want to hold onto that uncomfortable feeling?

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2. To love again, you’ve got to forgive.

If you don’t, you live imprisoned in the past unable to enjoy the present. You destroy your chances for another romance, your next promotion, and a peaceful family dinner.

3. Loathing others makes you feel like an evil person.

Ironically, if you hang on to hatred, you begin to feel like the wrongdoer. Before you know it you’re breathing fire instead of words, your fangs are showing, your claws come out, and your face contorts into twisted shapes. Who’s evil now?

4. Hatred is a personal problem that becomes a global crisis.

Imagine if everyone held onto to his hatred, how much collective hatred there would be in the world.

3. Learning to love someone you hate is a true test of character.

Show yourself just how great you really are!

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How to Love People You Hate

1. Look for the lesson.

Each hurtful event has a powerful lesson to teach you.

2. Practice forgiveness.

Release the pain of the past. Open your heart and learn to love again.

3. Love yourself more than you hate others.

Instead of focusing on how angry, hurt, and resentful you are, take a pause, then realize how you are harming yourself by letting these negative emotions live inside you.

Loving someone you hate is probably one of the hardest things to do.

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But when you face the facts, there are no good reasons to keep that nasty feeling inside you, and too many good reasons to give it up. Believe in yourself; you can do it. Lying dormant inside you is an undiscovered superpower to accomplish this true test of character.

Only when you become free of this burden, can you start to live a happier life.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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