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Why Motivation Could Be the Most Damaging Thing in Your Quest for Success

Why Motivation Could Be the Most Damaging Thing in Your Quest for Success

“Motivation? Damaging? Is this guy serious?” I hear you ask.

Before you slam down your coffee cup in outrage, answer these questions for me (then if you wish, slam it down with all your might):

If motivation is the answer, then why are you continuing with all the habits that have proven harmful to you in the past?

If motivation is the answer, then how is it that after reading all the books, listening to all the audios and attending all the life-changing seminars, you are still no closer to success than you had hoped?

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While now is a good time to ponder the answers to those questions, I’ll probably lose you if you do. So stick with me for now, and save your self-examination for later on.

Why Motivation Can Be Damaging

What I’m getting at here is that motivation is not key to your success. Motivation is often used incorrectly and gets relied upon just like an illegal drug—as a pick-me-up, something to ingest for some much-needed energy. The effects are short lived, and just like many other drugs, you find yourself searching for it more and more. It does not supply you with a constant source of energy and you can be sure that after every high point there will be a low.

So if motivation is not the key, then what is the best way to stay focused and hit those goals that you desire the most?

Well, before I reveal all, let me tell you that I was once a slave to motivation, reading all the books, listening to all the audios, and I probably even sat next to you at the seminars. But I quickly came to realize that I wasn’t moving forward. One step forward but two steps back was the familiar dance I was performing all too frequently. So I decided to get to the bottom of it.

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Why Wasn’t Motivation Getting Me Where I Wanted to Be?

The answer was ‘connection.’ My connection to things that I thought were important to me wasn’t strong enough for me to pursue them. I just used various means of motivation to try and pull me through.

You are no doubt doing the same!

Motivation will be required when you don’t have a strong enough ‘why’ behind the things that you are doing. If you have a strong enough why—a real, meaningful reason for you to be doing exactly what it is you are doing—then you are more likely to stick to the plan, get the results you desire and begin to experience success, all without the need of motivation.

The more you lean on motivation, the less clarity you have around your goals, your dreams and desires. Once you get to the true core of what it is you want, then you will find that inner motivation to be your driving force.

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Finding Your Inner Motivation

I want you to think about how motivation is serving you right now.

For every mini goal you have, whether it be business, family, or personal, ask yourself these three questions to help you decide whether those goals really mean what you say they mean:

1. Why do I truly and honestly want to achieve this goal?

2. Does it mean as much to me as I say it does?

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3. How much better would my life be if I was to achieve this?

Once you’ve answered those questions for each and every goal you’ve set yourself, you will come to a realization of the worth of each, and only then will you know how each serves you best. If you find it’s the very thing you want in your life right now, then the motivation will be provided from deep within your soul. You’ll feel it upon waking every morning.

Featured photo credit: Motivation. Not all it’s cracked up to be? via

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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