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When You Start To Become Mature, These 20 Great Things Happen In Your Life

When You Start To Become Mature, These 20 Great Things Happen In Your Life
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Do you remember when you were a kid in your bed at night? Whenever you saw someone older you couldn’t wait until you were older too. You envied college students and their freedom. Even adults looked pretty cool, walking into hi-rise office buildings with their shiny leather briefcases. But the closer you are to becoming a mature grown-up, the more you find yourself avoiding it.

You probably did go to college and are now working on the top floor of a hi-rise building carrying some type of case that holds your two cellphones, and iPad. You look mature but deep inside you still feel a sense of closeness to the little child holding his teddy bear.

You might not feel that it will happen, but one day you will mature. Your “carefree-whatever” lifestyle will transform, and you will become a responsible functioning adult. You can’t avoid it. Personal evolution is continuous. Life changes you, whether you like it or not. Your perspective, relationships, values, and style as they are now will also change. That’s reality.

It doesn’t mean that life will stop throwing mud in your face. It just means that when maturity kicks in, everything becomes less frantic.

Maturing is an on-going process of growth. Your experiences teach you lessons that will make your life easier.

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1. You will pay off your debt.

It will happen. One day you will be caught up with all your bills. You will get tired of carrying that financial burden around and you will  figure out a way to pay off your debt.

2. You will pay your bills on time every month.

Instead of waiting until the last minute of the grace period ending up with a $35 late fee, you will find an app that reminds you when all your bills are due and then you will pay them on time.

3. You will know (and respect) the difference between what you need and what you want.

There are a lot of tantalizing products to buy and they are hard to resist but when you mature you will know when it’s the right time to buy what you want. If you have the extra money go ahead, treat yourself. Just make sure your bills are paid before you buy the next best thing or Google glass.

4. You will take care of your health.

Doctors’ appointments are easy to put off. No one likes to go through the hassle of making an appointment, going to the office, getting blood work, and waiting for follow-up calls. You can procrastinate and say, “Let’s see if this gets worse.” But then you will find yourself of waiting for it to get better until your ailment needs emergency treatment at 3:00 a.m. When you become mature, you will notice something is wrong early on and make that doctor’s appointment right away.

5. You will go to the dentist for regular cleanings.

Not because your Mom told you to (or because the pain from your abscessed tooth forces you to) but because you want to look great and keep your pearly whites to be healthy instead of facing many more hours in a dental chair as he puts in implants.

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6. You will eat foods that make you feel good.

Instead of eating foods that cause you to run to the bathroom, you will make smarter food choices. If gluten messes up your stomach, you won’t eat it. If you’re lactose intolerant, you’ll get used to drinking almond milk. Healthy foods feel better than junk food.

7.  You will date people who are potential life partners.

Marriage will be an option, not a disease you’re afraid to catch. You’ll realize that spending every night at the local bar with friends is fine for now, but you will realize that you want a real life partner to share your life with and you won’t be afraid to commit to that.

8. You will be able to admit your weaknesses and know how to strengthen them.

Mature persons know how to improve themselves. If they are always late, they will leave extra time to get ready so they show up on time. If they have a hard time apologizing, they’ll realize that and instead of making excuses, they will admit when they are wrong. That’s a true sign of maturity, most grown-ups have a hard time with this one.

9. You will know when to ask for help.

Every one doesn’t know everything. You can’t excel in every area of life. Asking to be mentored is a strength. All the great successful people have a mentor. Oprah had Maya Angelou and still has Steven Speilberg. Michael Jordan was mentored by Phil Jackson and Bill Gates has Warren Buffet. If they do it, so can you.

10. You will be a better son/daughter, brother/sister, step-brother/step-sister, aunt/uncle.

Family will matter. You will call your parents regularly instead of only calling when you need something. And you will know that you have matured when your phone call starts with “how are you?” instead of asking for what you need.

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11. You will be able to control your impulses.

You will be mature enough to know the consequences of your actions and your words and have the strength to not give in to your every impulse. Every text message doesn’t have to be immediately answered. Mature people can wait.

12. You will be able to express yourself in a calmer, respectful tone of voice.

Your communication skills will improve. You will soon realize you don’t have to verbalize every thought you have. You will speak realistically – no more exaggerations, no more magnifications. You will deal with facts and not fabrications.

13. You will become more flexible.

Nothing is as constant as change. It is the only thing you can be sure of. Nothing ever stays the same (even when you want it to). When you mature you will realize that and learn to accept change. You may have to adjust to make someone else happy or know when it’s time to change jobs but you’ll be able to manage it. A mature person knows that even if the change won’t be easy, they will have the skills to maneuver their way through it.

 14. You will have an easier time making decisions.

You will be able to process the pros and cons of your dilemmas and then you will be able to make that decision. It doesn’t mean every decision will be the correct one, but you will feel confident that you made the best decision at the time.

15. You will take responsibility for your actions.

Instead of blaming everyone else for your unfortunate outcomes, you will have clear vision and see that your choices caused those outcomes. When you mature, it’s time to man-up and own your actions. Emotional maturity makes it easier to say, “I did that. How can I make it better next time?”

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16. You will become less dramatic.

Things will not all feel like catastrophic events to you anymore. Things will be in proper perspective. You’ll be able to see a “big picture” view of what is realistically happening. Your mind will process each situation with clarity based in reality.

17. You will accept and respect other people’s opinions and ideas.

When you mature, your ego is aligned. You will learn that every incident doesn’t revolve around you. You will see that other people matter too and realize that other people’s opinions have value.

18. You will not get your feelings hurt so easily.

Somehow as the years go by, you toughen up. You won’t get your feelings hurt as often and as hard as they do now. Criticism won’t bruise you or force you to end relationships. You will realize that someone’s comments might be worth thinking about.

19. You will make smarter choices. Wisdom comes with age.

As you mature you will see that smart choices are so much more enjoyable than fun choices. Sure, everyone wants to have fun but when you mature you will realize that your “fun” choices are causing too many problems in your life. You’ll be so much happier when you make smart choices. Clarity is your new best friend.

20. You will become a better life manager when you mature.

You will get a grip on how to handle whatever comes your way because you no longer have a backlog of avoided problems stored up. Your vision will be clear and you will know how to navigate through each crisis without having to ask 10 friends what they think.

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Maturity is a reality. Welcome it, don’t fear it. You will be so much happier when you do. You may fly higher than you ever dreamed you would. 

Featured photo credit: geetkshizzle via geekshizzle.com

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June Silny

ADHD Coach, Writer, ADDitude Magazine featured contributor

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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