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Unexpected Benefits to Looking at Your Failed Dating Life Positively

Unexpected Benefits to Looking at Your Failed Dating Life Positively

When you’re single, spending time with your extended family or attending a friend’s wedding can be overwhelming. Everyone wants to know who you are dating or when you think you will find your other half. It’s not hard for all these questions to feel like judgments and ultimately make you feel low. But what happens if you rise above the interrogations and answer every query with an awesome tale of your dating adventures and the hilarity that ensued? Is it possible to go from being pitied to envied by merely shifting how you view your life?

See the Humor in the Situation

It should be no surprise that men are attracted to women who have a bright spirit. Those who smile and give off a positive energy about where they are in their life and what their goals are exude an aura that is attractive. On the contrary women who are miserable, have a grumpy face and only talk about their life’s woes are likely to push away a potential suitor. It is essential to keep this in mind as you date.

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When you meet someone new, instead of being bogged down and assuming this date will be as bad as the last, take humor from the situation. Use your past bad dates to fuel your future meetups. In every bad date there is a funny story. Revel in this fact. You now have something to bond over on your next date! Chances are he has some stories to share as well. Now you have a common ground to connect on. When you are laughing on your dates you are going to be giving off that positive energy and extracting good, genuine qualities from him. It’s how you perceive your past dates that is going to make or break the upcoming ones.

Take Control of Your Own Story

Similarly when it comes to pesky friends and family (we love you, but back off), it’s time to write your life the way you want it to be. People only judge you based on how you tell your life story. So, if you sit around talking about how lonely and miserable you are and how every man you’ve met has been a total loser, you are fueling people to look at your life as a mess. When you present your dating life as the great adventure and journey that it is, you create a reality to be envied. As the saying goes, the grass is always greener, meaning that your married friends and family are going to be envious of your life!

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Don’t Get in a Dating Rut, Mix It Up!

There is excitement that comes with getting all dolled up and meeting new people. Hopefully you are getting to try new restaurants and go to museums or baseball games. Your dating life is as interesting and awesome as you let it be. Many men don’t like having to think up all the plans, so if there is an adventure you want to take, you should suggest it! Not every date needs to be drinks or dinner; experience life, try new things! I guarantee when your attitude changes about your dating life, those around you will change how they talk to you. They will be dying to hear your latest saga instead of pressuring you to go on a blind date with their friend’s friend.

Reality Is How You Perceive It to Be

Lastly, a change in your perception is going to benefit you! You have the choice to be a happy person! The benefits of choosing to see your failed dates as funny little life journeys is good for your soul. Seriously, what good is being miserable? Take the first step to realize that the reason you haven’t met your match is because you simply have not met your match! Thank goodness you are still on your journey and not committed to the wrong person! There is so much you can learn about yourself and what you’re looking for in a mate when you take the time to date and be the best you you can be. Don’t you want to meet someone else who is being their best self? It is so important to put out the best parts of our personality so that we attract a person of that same quality.

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You will be amazed and excited when you start to see how looking at your failed dates in a positive manner has changed your life. Better dates, better friends and family interactions, and an overall better you. It’s alright if your shift in attitude doesn’t come overnight, but start making simple changes. Start by telling a friend the story of your last failed date in an upbeat manner. Find the humor, the adventure and the lesson from that experience. The more effort you put in to changing your attitude, the quicker it will become your reality and the more likely you are to feel great!

Featured photo credit: The Smile that would make you happy -Lara Cores via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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