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Top 8 Reasons Why You SHOULD Get Angry

Top 8 Reasons Why You SHOULD Get Angry

People often like to seek advice for how they can be happy. While I think being happy is great, there are times when we need to recognize WHY we should get angry.  I don’t mean force yourself to be angry, or become an angry person, but to release it when you need to. No Guru or teacher should ever tell you that getting angry is wrong. Read on to find out why.

Have you ever been told to stay calm, respond instead of reacting, or to turn the other cheek only to be slapped again? For a short time I thought this was OK, but that’s not the case. Anger is necessary; it’s an emotion that should be used and not suppressed.

Let us look closely at 8 reasons why you should get angry.

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1. When someone you love dies.

There are some people who would tell you that it is OK, that it was their time to go, so be happy that they lived a great life. I know—let’s celebrate.  No. In my opinion, you should be angry—very angry—that you have lost someone dear to you that you will never see again.  Ever.

2. Because your life sucks.

Or at least, you think it does. You may have people come up to you and say “cheer up, it can’t be that bad” or “it will get better” or even something like, “isn’t life just great?” where at that point, you want to do something you may regret. Your life sucks right now, and guess what? Be angry if you want; you have the right to be.

3. Someone hurts you.

People can cause you harm intentionally or not. When this happens to you, often it will be natural for you to get a little “ticked” off, maybe a little angry of course, depending on the situation. The fact still remains that you’re hurt, and it is all right to be angry about it.

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4. You’re broke.

So picture this—unforeseen circumstances (and other worldly factors) have left you broke, you’re barely scraping through to be able to feed your family, but at the same time, you have dreams and goals you hope to someday (soon) be able to achieve. You want to travel and see the world, help other people and make a difference. But it’s impossible (right now). The frustration!

It’s normal that at some point you get angry.

5. Someone takes you for a fool.

You’re a good person, right? You’re always helping other people out. You’re kind, bubbly, and happy most of the time, and you would do anything to see others be happy. Then someone abuses you; they take advantage and use your kindness as a weakness. What are you going to do? Well, maybe you’ll warn them not to take advantage of you. But they carry on, so what do you do now? You can’t walk away because they’ll do it again. Use your anger to let them know you are not someone who allows others to walk all over them.

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6. Your lover cheats on you.

I think this goes without explanation.

7. The system sucks.

Why are some people in the world so rich they could house, feed and clothe every person on the planet, while on the other hand, people are starving and dying of hunger. Do you think this is normal? When you wake up and realize that this is part of a plan, you will be angry—very angry. Think about it and ask yourself, “why are people starving all over the world, living below the poverty line in 2014?” Wake up! Begin living on a conscious level and question everything that is going on around you.

8. Someone steals from you.

This is downright wrong! Plain and simple. Anyone who lets someone take anything away from them physically or emotionally is being abused. This SHOULD make you angry. Period.

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In the Bible, Jesus got angry in the temple. Remember?  Anger is a release mechanism that allows you to deal with things that are not right. Anger is a necessary part of life, even if no one talks about it. The incredible hulk got angry. Why? Because he wanted to be left alone, but wasn’t.

Anger is temporary—temporary, but useful.  It’s useful because it’s a release of an emotion and also because it can guide you to take action on the things you don’t like. For example, if you don’t like something in your life that does make you angry, it can allow you to make changes to improve your life. I hope this “unconventional” way of looking at anger improves your life. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Featured photo credit: Abi Skipp via flickr.com

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Diana Reid

CEO - Moxie House Ltd

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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